Listening and Emotional Intelligence

It is moments of great disappointment that you find out who you really are. It is moments of great disappointment that you find out who you really are.

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Winston Churchill

Communication Process Sender Sender Receiver Receiver Feedback Feedback Interference Interference

Channels of Communication Face-to-face Face-to-face Telephonic Telephonic , text messaging, internet , text messaging, internet Memos, letters Memos, letters Formal reports Formal reports

Message Receiving Process Listening Listening Analyzing Analyzing Checking understanding Checking understanding

Listen From Webster’s Dictionary To pay attention to sound To pay attention to sound To hear with thoughtful attention To hear with thoughtful attention To be alert and catch an expected sound To be alert and catch an expected sound

Types of Listening Active Active “listening with a purpose” (Barker, 1971) “listening with a purpose” (Barker, 1971) Empathic Empathic Listening to understand the other person Listening to understand the other person Critical listening Critical listening To determine accuracy To determine accuracy Listening for enjoyment Listening for enjoyment

Active Listening Make time Make time Act interested in speaker Act interested in speaker Good eye contact Good eye contact Repeat key phrases Repeat key phrases Ask questions Ask questions Concentrate on what is being said Concentrate on what is being said

Listening Pay attention Pay attention Avoid distractions Avoid distractions Do not assume or interrupt Do not assume or interrupt Watch nonverbal clues Watch nonverbal clues Ask questions Ask questions Take notes Take notes Provide feedback Provide feedback

Ten Keys to Effective Listening Keys Poor Listener Good Listener 1. Listen actively Is passive, laid back Asks questions; paraphrases what is said 2. Find areas of interest Tunes out dry subjects Looks for opportunities, new learning 3. Resist distractions Is easily distracted Fights distractions; tolerates bad habits; knows how to concentrate 4. Capitalize on the fact that thought is faster than speech Tends to daydream with slow speakers Challenges, anticipates, summarizes; listens between lines to tone of voice 5. Be responsive Is minimally involved Nods; shows interest, positive feedback

KeysPoor ListenerGood Listener 6. Judge content, not delivery Tunes out if delivery is poor Judges content; skips over delivery errors 7. Hold one’s fireHas preconceptions; argues Does not judge until comprehension is complete 8. Listen for ideasListens for factsListens to central themes 9. Work at listeningNo energy output; faked attention Works hard; exhibits active body state, eye contact 10. Exercise one’s mindResists difficult material in favor of light, recreational material Uses heavier material as exercise for the mind

Analyzing Listen actively Listen actively Evaluate message after listening Evaluate message after listening

Analyzing From Webster’s Dictionary To study or determine the nature and relationship of the parts by analysis To study or determine the nature and relationship of the parts by analysis

Check Understanding Paraphrase Paraphrase Watch nonverbal cues Watch nonverbal cues

Feedback Repeat key phrases to show you understand what is being said Repeat key phrases to show you understand what is being said

Irritating Listening Habits Interrupting the speaker Interrupting the speaker Not looking at the speaker Not looking at the speaker Rushing the speaker Rushing the speaker Showing interest in something else Showing interest in something else Finishing the speaker’s thoughts Finishing the speaker’s thoughts Not responding to requests Not responding to requests Saying “Yes but…..” Saying “Yes but…..” Topping the speaker’s story Topping the speaker’s story Forgetting what was asked Forgetting what was asked Asking too many questions Asking too many questions The International Listening Association The International Listening Association

Barriers to Listening Emotions Emotions Too technical Too technical Too much information Too much information Past experiences Past experiences Busy thinking about our answer Busy thinking about our answer Assumptions Assumptions Opinions Opinions

Open Ended Questions Good tools for getting information Good tools for getting information Cannot be answered with just a yes or no Cannot be answered with just a yes or no Samples Samples Why do you say that? Why do you say that? How did you feel about what she said? How did you feel about what she said? How will you handle the situation? How will you handle the situation? Why do you think you reacted that way? Why do you think you reacted that way?

Body Language Head nodding Head nodding Leaning forward Leaning forward Relaxed body posture Relaxed body posture Facial expressions Facial expressions Eye contact Eye contact

Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman Daniel Goleman A person’s ability to perceived, identify, understand and successfully manage emotions in self and others. A person’s ability to perceived, identify, understand and successfully manage emotions in self and others.

Costs to Leaders Loss of followers Loss of followers Conflict Conflict Absenteeism Absenteeism Health costs Health costs Lawsuits Lawsuits Workplace violence Workplace violence

Elements of Emotional Intelligence - Kolp and Rea Self Awareness Self Awareness Accurate self-assessment of skill and emotion Accurate self-assessment of skill and emotion Self confidence Self confidence Self Management Self Management Self control Self control Integrity Integrity Adaptable to change Adaptable to change Initiative Initiative

Elements of Emotional Intelligence - Kolp and Rea Social Awareness Social Awareness Empathy and service orientation Empathy and service orientation Awareness of organization realities Awareness of organization realities Social Skills Social Skills Leading change Leading change Creation of shared vision and sense of team Creation of shared vision and sense of team Communication and conflict resolution Communication and conflict resolution Relationship building Relationship building

Emotional Families Anger Anger Sadness Sadness Fear Fear Enjoyment Enjoyment Love Love Surprise Surprise Disgust Disgust Shame Shame

Goleman on Salovey’s Definition Components of Emotional Intelligence Knowing one’s emotions Knowing one’s emotions Managing emotions Managing emotions Motivating oneself Motivating oneself Recognizing emotions in others Recognizing emotions in others Handling relationships Handling relationships

References Richard L. Daft, The Leadership Experience, (Thomson Publishing, Ohio) p. 143 Richard L. Daft, The Leadership Experience, (Thomson Publishing, Ohio) p. 143 Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, (Bantam International, New York) (Bantam International, New York) Robert Lussier and Christopher Achua, (Thomson Publishing, Ohio) p. 204 Robert Lussier and Christopher Achua, (Thomson Publishing, Ohio) p. 204 Craig E. Runde and Tim A. Flanagan, Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader, (Jossey Bass Publisher, California) p Craig E. Runde and Tim A. Flanagan, Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader, (Jossey Bass Publisher, California) p Barker, L.L. (1971) Listening Behavior, Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall Barker, L.L. (1971) Listening Behavior, Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall Robyn Walker, Strategic Business Communication, Thomson Publishing, Ohio) pp Robyn Walker, Strategic Business Communication, Thomson Publishing, Ohio) pp Alan Kolp and Peter Rea, Leading with Integrity, (Atomic Dog Publishing, Cincinnati) p Alan Kolp and Peter Rea, Leading with Integrity, (Atomic Dog Publishing, Cincinnati) p Webster Dictionary Webster Dictionary The International Listening Association The International Listening Association