Show Me, Don’t Tell Writing Warm-up #1 Come in and sit in your seats. Grab a warm-up sheet and complete it. You will have 10 minutes to complete ALL of your “start of the period” procedures. Show Me, Don’t Tell Me Warm-up #1 Directions: 1) Read the “telling” statement. 2) Think of a way to show rather than tell the statement. 3) Write your response in the space provided. “Show Me, Don’t Tell Me” Example The smell of biscuits Grandma just made as she took them out of the oven; I couldn’t wait to taste them. The tantalizing aroma of Grandma’s homemade biscuits wafted beneath my nostrils as she carefully removed them from the oven; hot and tender, the butter dripped down my chin at the first bite. Telling Showing The two motorcycle drivers drove swiftly through the traffic on the highway… _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________

Are you ready? It’s time!

Take out a sheet paper… In the upper-right hand corner, write the following: Your first and last name Today’s Date (1/5/11) Ware Per. #_______ Improving Score As you head your papers. I will begin to pass out the writing that you completed back in October. These papers were scored by UGA’s Center for Writing Assessment. This is the same center that will score your writing tests this January. Silently, review your paper as I pass the rest out to the class.

Facts about your paper… It was scored by two different raters. Each rater scored the paper based on four different domains: Conventions Organization Style Ideas What is the highest score that you can receive on each domain? Let’s examine the rubric to get more details about the different level scores.

Expository Topic GCA #821 Writing Situation Most everyone has a goal that he or she wants to accomplish. Goals can take a short or even years to complete. Directions for Writing Write an essay explaining one goal that you would like to set for yourself. Describe your goal and explain how you will take steps to achieve it. Persuasive Topic GCA #811 Writing Situation Almost everyone would like to change someone’s mind about something. Maybe there is something you would like a friend, parent, teacher, or someone else to feel differently about. Directions for Writing Write a letter to that person convincing him/her to change his/her attitude. Use specific reasons and examples to make your argument convincing.

IDEAS (40%) -Controlling Idea -Supporting Ideas -Relevance of Details -Development Depth -Completeness -Awareness of Genre *Fully engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a speaker's voice, and otherwise developing reader interest. *Fully develops a controlling idea that conveys a perspective on a subject. *Fully includes appropriate facts and details. *Fully excludes extraneous details and inappropriate information. IDEAS Fully developed ideas: 40 Consistent ideas: 35 Sufficient ideas: 30 Minimal ideas: 25 Lacks ideas: 20 ORGANIZATION (20%) - Overall Plan -Intro/Body/Conclusion -Sequence of Ideas -Grouping of Ideas -Expository Strategies -Transitions *Organizing strategy is fully appropriate to the writer's topic and the assigned genre of writing. *Logical and appropriate sequencing and/or grouping of ideas within and across the paper. *Introduction engages and sets the stage and conclusion provides a sense of closure. *Uses effective and varied transitions to link all elements of the response (i.e. ideas, paragraphs, sentences, etc.) ORGANIZATION Fully organized: 20 Consistent organization: 17 Sufficient organization: 15 Minimal organization: 12 Lacks organization: 10 STYLE (20%) -Word Choice -Audience Awareness -Voice -Sentence Variety -Strategies Appropriate to Expository Writing *Carefully crafted sentences create sustained tone. *Varied, precise, and engaging language that is fully appropriate to the assigned genre. * Figurative, vivid, and/or technical language present. *Varied sentence lengths, structures, and beginnings. * Sustained attention to the audience. *Consistent voice that is sustained throughout response. *Variety of genre appropriate strategies engages reader STYLE Fully developed style: 20 Consistent style: 17 Sufficient style: 15 Minimal style: 12 Lacks style: 10 CONVENTIONS (20%) -SENTENCE FORMATION: correctness, clarity, simple, compound, complex, end punctuation -USAGE: sub-verb agreement, pronoun agreement, standard words MECHANICS: internal punctuation, spelling, paragraphs, capitalization *Clear and correct simple, complex, and compound sentences with correct end punctuation. *Correct usage in a variety of contexts. *Correct mechanics in a variety of contexts. (See components listed in conventions domain.) *Infrequent, if any, errors *Errors do not interfere w/ meaning. CONVENTIONS Full command: 20 Consistent command: 17 Sufficient command: 15 Minimal command: 12 Lacks command: 10 EXPOSITORY / INFORMATIONAL RUBRIC

DEAS (40%) -Controlling Idea -Supporting Ideas -Relevance of Details -Development Depth -Completeness -Awareness of Genre *Fully established position and fully developed that position with specific details. *Effectively and creatively uses appeals to logic and/or emotion ( i.e. specific facts, statistics, personal experience or knowledge, etc.) to support the writer's position. *Effectively and creatively introduces the reader to the issue and fully demonstrates an understanding of all aspects of the issue. IDEAS Fully developed ideas: 40 Consistent ideas: 35 Sufficient ideas: 30 Minimal ideas: 25 Lacks ideas: 20 ORGANIZATION (20%) - Overall Plan -Intro/Body/Conclusion -Sequence of Ideas -Grouping of Ideas -Persuasive Strategies -Transitions *Organizing strategy is fully appropriate to the writer's topic and the assigned genre of writing. *Logical and appropriate sequencing and/or grouping of ideas within and across the paper. *Introduction engages and sets the stage and conclusion provides a sense of closure. *Uses effective and varied transitions to link all elements of the response (i.e. ideas, paragraphs, sentences, etc.) ORGANIZATION Fully organized: 20 Consistent organization: 17 Sufficient organization: 15 Minimal organization: 12 Lacks organization: 10 STYLE (20%) -Word Choice -Audience Awareness -Voice -Sentence Variety -Strategies Appropriate to Persuasive Writing *Carefully crafted sentences create sustained tone. *Varied, precise, and engaging language that is fully appropriate to the assigned genre. * Figurative, vivid, and/or technical language present. *Varied sentence lengths, structures, and beginnings. * Sustained attention to the audience. *Consistent voice that is sustained throughout response. *Variety of genre appropriate strategies engages reader STYLE Fully developed style: 20 Consistent style: 17 Sufficient style: 15 Minimal style: 12 Lacks style: 10 CONVENTIONS (20%) -SENTENCE FORMATION: correctness, clarity, simple, compound, complex, end punctuation -USAGE: sub-verb agreement, pronoun agreement, standard words MECHANICS: internal punctuation, spelling, paragraphs, capitalization *Clear and correct simple, complex, and compound sentences with correct end punctuation. *Correct usage in a variety of contexts. *Correct mechanics in a variety of contexts. (See components listed in conventions domain.) *Infrequent, if any, errors *Errors do not interfere w/ meaning. CONVENTIONS Full command: 20 Consistent command: 17 Sufficient command: 15 Minimal command: 12 Lacks command: 10 PERSUASIVE RUBRIC

Understanding Your Total Score… Raw Range ScoreProjected Performance Level 10-22Does NOT meet 23-26Borderline Meets 27-40Meets the Standard 41-43Borderline Exceeds 44-50Exceeds the Standard

Depth of Development: the Key to Ideas Controlling Idea Main Ideas Major Details Specific Examples And Elaboration

Ideas: Score Point 1 Dear Mrs. T., I think that students should not be required to clean up your school. Because some time students do not make the school mess and students should not be cleaning. Because some students do not mess up the school because not all of the students. Mess up the school and some students help clean up the school and some do not and. Some of the students that do not help clean up some time mees up. Some students from different school come and mess up the school and we should not be at school for cleaning up the school the students that mess up should clean up and the students that clean up should not clean up again. Because students should not clean up the school. But some time the students that mess up clean up because some of the student. That do not mess up talke to them and they here them and thay go and clean up the school. I think that some time the teacher mees up the school and the students should not clean up the school and some time. Teacher should clean up because this is ther school to and they should clean the school to and the students not have to clean up the school.

Main Idea Major Details Supporting Details and Examples We will be discussing the special ingredients that you need to have within each of your body paragraphs. Today, we will focus on the…

Highlighter Breakdown: In Action Sample Body Paragraph Immigrants don’t only help the American economy. They also help the economies of their home counties. They do this by sending home a lot of the money they make, so people there spend more. My father owns a business and the people that work there are all mostly immigrants. They work so hard, and my dad tells me that when they get that paycheck the first thing they do is divide the money, then send it back home. Their families need the money for food and other life necessities. Spending the money in their country helps businesses in that country, which means that economy improves. Topic: Write an letter to the President explaining the positive and negative impact that illegal immigrants have on the United States today. Include specific examples and details to support your statements.

Example of Depth of Development Sample Body Paragraph Immigrants don’t only help the American economy. They also help the economies of their home counties. They do this by sending home a lot of the money they make, so people there spend more. My father owns a business and the people that work there are all mostly immigrants. They work so hard, and my dad tells me that when they get that paycheck the first thing they do is divide the money, then send it back home. Their families need the money for food and other life necessities. Spending the money in their country helps businesses in that country, which means that economy improves. Main Idea Major Details Supporting Details and Examples Topic: Write an letter to the President explaining the positive and negative impact that illegal immigrants have on the United States today. Include specific examples and details to support your statements..

LET’S REVIEW Try this paragraph.

Highlighter Breakdown: In Action Sample Body Paragraph Topic: Include specific examples and details to support your statements. For one thing students are in the classroom all morning and afternoon working hard. All of our class are so demanding. History and Science classes, which take us back in time, drag on and on until we start to think “man, now I know what a glacier feels like!” Oh, now don’t forget English and reading because in there we learn a copious supply of grammar and literature, and you can never go wrong with that. These are prime examples of how hard we really work; then our reward is cleaning the school? Controlling Idea : Students should not clean the school.

Sample Body Paragraph For one thing students are in the classroom all morning and afternoon working hard. All of our class are so demanding. History and Science classes, which take us back in time, drag on and on until we start to think “man, now I know what a glacier feels like!” Oh, now don’t forget English and reading because in there we learn a copious supply of grammar and literature, and you can never go wrong with that. These are prime examples of how hard we really work; then our reward is cleaning the school? Main Idea Major Detail Specific Details and Examples Controlling Idea: Students should not clean the school. Example of Depth of Development

Take out a sheet paper… In the upper-right hand corner, write the following: Your first and last name Today’s Date (1/5/11) Ware Per. #_______ Main Idea Sent. You will now look through your own papers to find the main idea of each of your paragraph.

Now that we have practiced identifying main ideas, major details and specific details and examples, let’s examine the thinking process involved with adding specific details to writing.

IDEAS exercise # Main Idea/Major Detail: It’s tough to do your best when you have to worry about cleaning toilets. We have more important things to do. Ask yourself: What kinds of important things do you have to do?

IDEAS exercise # Main Idea/Major Detail: It’s tough to do your best when you have to worry about cleaning toilets. We have more important things to do. Major Details There is a lot of work to do in Science. Spanish takes a lot of time and practice. Did I mention after-school activities? Ask yourself: What kinds of important things do you have to do? What questions can you ask yourself to get more specific regarding each of these major details?

IDEAS exercise # Main Idea/Major Detail: It’s tough to do your best when you have to worry about cleaning toilets. We have more important things to do. Major Details There is a lot of work to do in Science. Spanish takes a lot of time and practice. Did I mention after-school activities? Ask yourself: What kinds of important things do you have to do? What types of Science work? What types Spanish practice? How much time?

IDEAS exercise Main Idea/Major Detail: It’s tough to do your best when you have to worry about cleaning toilets. We have more important things to do. Ask yourself: What kinds of important things do you have to do? What types of Science work? What types Spanish practice? How much time? What of afterschool activities? We have to get our projects ready for the Science fair next month? Each week we have 25 verbs to learn in Spanish. ??????? There is a lot of work to do in Science. Spanish takes a lot of time and practice. Did I mention after-school activities?