Marriage Preparation the Foundation of Marriage!

You may have to kiss (date) a lot of Toads before you find your handsome prince or princess. (Spend the time to find out what you really want.) Choosing a Mate by making a list

Marital Risks We think we can change these, that they do not matter, or that we can overlook them and all will go well with the relationship Marry at early age Pre-marital pregnancy Parental disapproval Unhappy childhood Poor relationship with parents Poor self-concept Different values Poor attitude about sex Low education Different religions Parents are divorced or have a poor marriage Length of acquaintance with each other is less than one year Either partner is physically or emotionally unhealthy Low income Living together before marriage

Mate Selection is Like Shopping For Car Insurance- you want to get the best deal! Look at the entire package (good, bad, and factors to consider) then evaluate the cost and benefits of the mate. Make a good decision now to make your chances of a successful marriage even higher. SOOOOOO

Choose Wisely: This decision could impact your life more than any other. Why did you choose that candy? Does that candy have something to offer you that the others didn’t? What do you have in common with your candy? What do you struggle with in your candy? Can you imagine yourself living without the candy? Could you be happy if another candy took its place? Just a few “INSURANCE” questions we could ask ourselves about the people we are dating when looking for a potential marriage partner.

Premarital Fantasies – Marital Realities She married him because he was such an assertive male. She divorced him because he was such a domineering husband. He married her because she was so gentle and petite. He divorced her because she was so weak and helpless She married him because he could provide a good income She divorced him because all he did was work He married her because she was so attractive all the time. He divorced her because she spent too much time in front of the mirror. She married him because he was so romantic and sociable She divorced him because he was such a fun loving playboy.

Premarital Fantasies – Marital Realities He married her because she was so quiet and dependent He divorced he because she was so boring and clingy She married him because he was the life of the party She divorced him because he was such a dud at home He married her because she was so social and talkative He divorced her because she could only discuss trivia She married him because he was such a good athlete She divorced him because he was either playing or watching sports He married her because she was so neat and organized He divorced her because she was to compulsive and controlling.

Is This What You Really Want? Many times we fall in love with a character trait or skill that turns out to be a liability (bad) rather than an asset (good). Attentive or Beautiful/handsome Scenarios and study guide Quick Tie

“Dirtiest Man in the World” THE DIRTIEST MAN IN THE WORLD Oh I'm Dirty Dan, the world's dirtiest man, I never have taken a shower. I can't see my shirt—it's so covered with dirt. And my ears have enough to grow flowers. But the water is either a little too hot. Or else it's a little too cold. I'm musty and dusty and patchy and scratchy And mangy and covered with mold. But the water is always a little too hot, Or else it’s a little to cold. I live in a pen with five hogs and a hen And three squizzly lizards who creep in My bed, and they itch as I squirm, and I twitch In the cruddy old sheets that I sleep in. If you looked down my throat with a flashlight, you'd note That my insides are coated with rust. I creak when I walk and I squeak when I talk. And each time I sneeze I blow dust.

The thought of a towel and some soap makes me howl, And when people have something to tell me They don't come and tell it—they stand back and yell it. I think they're afraid they might smell me. The bedbugs that leap on me sing me to sleep, And the garbage flies buzz me awake. They're the best friends I've found and I fear they might drown So I never go too near a lake. Each evening at nine I sit down to dine With the termites who live in my chair. And I joke with the bats and have intimate chats With the cooties who crawl through my hair. I'd brighten my life if I just found a wife, But I fear that that never will be Until I can find a girl, gentle and kind. With a beautiful face and a sensitive mind, Who sparkles and twinkles and glistens and shines— And who's almost as dirty as me. By: Shel Silverstein

PART 2 “Choosing a mate by making a List – about YOU” Put a “+” by all the items you feel that you personally would rate positively on. Put a “-” by all the things on which you would rate poorly or need to work on. While having more pluses increases your chances for a successful marriage, having a lot of minuses does not mean that you have no hope of ever having a happy successful marriage.

You attract what you are not what you want I mean….. You Don’t Marry What You Want You Marry What You are. So what I mean is….. Make what you are, what you want, so you can have both what you are and what you want!

Qualities I want in a Mate Guidelines Remember your values and goals Be Selective Make a list before you develop a relationship. Find the right person, do not try to change the person. Became the kind of person you want to marry. Remember “YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU WANT”.

The BIG Questions Does this person make you a better person? Would you rather be with this person than any other person in the world? Could you spend the rest of your life with this person? Could you spend the rest of your life without this person?

There are no gray areas when answering those questions… if you have doubts, you need to look at the relationship very seriously.

Example of personal ads

~Want Ad~ Develop a want ad for a mate. This is based upon your present situation. BE CREATIVE in your design, but include: –At least 5 qualities, characteristics, and values that you have to offer a prospective mate. –At least 5 qualities, characteristics, and values desired in your marriage partner. –On the back, indicate why you value the qualities listed. Value= what is important, standards, or moral code.