A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL CHAPTER 1

WHY WE COMMUNICATE Psychologist William Schutz: Basic Needs Affection-desire to give & receive love & liking Inclusion-desire to be social & be included Control-desire to influence people & events

THE INTERPERSONAL IMPERATIVE Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: Physical Needs Survival-air, food, sex Safety Needs Shelter, authorities, key master, Medical, pay check Belonging Needs Inclusion, fun, groups Self-Esteem Need Intelligence, abilities Self-Actualization Needs Full development of unique talents

PARTICIPATING EFFECTIVELY IN A DIVERSE SOCIETY Depends on: ability to participate effectively in a diverse society-2012 CA-12%-+65 yrs, Latino-38%, Asian-14% Understanding & learning from others who different from us

MODELS One-Way model Exercise Feedback models Interactive transactional

ONE-WAY Linear – one acts on another “Clean the kitchen!” (encode) ( noise) Sender *Shortcomings: Not passive receivers Complicated messages ( decode ) Receiver

INTERACTIVE Give feedbackCreate & interpret messages (encode)(noise)(decode) Sender-messageReceiver Feedback loop- Do you realize that we’re actually having a quiet moment together? So how do we start?” “I was hoping you’d remember?” (parents!) Shortcomings: still perceived as sequential Does not capture dynamism

TRANSACTIONAL Emphasizes dynamism & multiple roles Varies over time, affecting our broadened relationships (encoding/Noise(decoding/ decoding)encoding) Sender/ Receiver message sentReceiver/Sender -Simultaneous -Ongoing -More realistic

TRANSACTIONAL Newish parents: “Tired?” “I’m exhausted. She was up 4 times last & wouldn’t go back to sleep. I think she has a new tooth coming in, & it’s keeping her up.” “Well, I have tomorrow off. I’ll get up with her, and you can sleep in.” “Thanks.” “You seem a little distant tonight. What is it?” “Oh, there’s a lot happening at work that I’m missing—things I’d like to be involved with, but since I’m part-time now, I can’t really take them on.” “Man, we really need to watch our spending this month. We’re pretty tight here.”

RESOURCE PACKAGE Related to encoding & decoding Each of us carries this package around making us unique individuals It is made of a variety of factors: Past experiences Education/Knowledge-formal & informal Culture Values Beliefs Feelings/emotions Expectations Relationship knowledge Assumptions

BUBER FIRST DEFINITION OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION “between people” Not always personal I/It relationships: treat others almost as objects, not as unique people, but as their role, i.e., Salespeople, servers, gas station attendants, bank tellers, dog walkers, homeless I/You relationships: more personal, affirm the existence of others, beyond the role, no deep conversation, majority of our relationships, i.e., Work colleagues, teammates, classmates, perhaps instructors I/Thou relationships: rarest, regarded as highest form of human dialogue, affirm other as cherished & unique, accept in totality, open ourselves, trusting, i.e., Best friends, lovers, etc.

FEATURES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Communication is: Selective-we choose to communicate Systemic-takes place in various systems, i.e., Costa Mesa OCC Comm Studies class-affects how we all communicate with one another (Note how the package of resources enters into this factor) Interdependent systems & they affect one another Noise is also part of systems-4 types of noise that can distort the message as it passes through the “system” or channel Physiological- how we feel Physical- environment Psychological- interpretation of messages Semantic- language not mutually understood

FEATURES CONTINUED Individual Trust Self-disclosing-2-way Unique Irreplaceable Establish rules Processual Continuous & ongoing No discrete beginning or ending Interwoven past, present, future Irreversible

FEATURES CONT. Transactional Communication between two people is continual & simultaneous Share responsibility for effectiveness-use of metacommunication, ie, I did not hear you-please speak up. Technology & communication Personal knowledge Communication fosters\ communication & Creates personal knowledge

FEATURE-FINAL ONE Meaning Creating Shared meaning between people using the resource package Develop vocabularies that are for them, ie, my family uses lines from favorite films Meanings Content meaning-literal meaning, ie, “Clean your room now” means the room is to be cleaned immediately Relationship meaning-between the communicators, ie, the parent has the right to order the child due to unequal power relationship

3 DIMENSIONS OF RELATIONSHIP- LEVEL MEANINGS Responsiveness-how aware of others & how involved with them we are, ie, you are chatting & the friend is texting… Low context culture-Western world, uses little eye contact when preoccupied High context culture-Eastern world, uses eye contact, nodding, feedback demonstrating involvement Liking or affection-degree of positive or negative feelings communicated; use tone of voice, facial expressions, how close we sit to them… Power or control-balance of power, how is it distributed, ie, parent/child, friend/friend, significant other

MORE ON POWER One-up/One-down=Dominant/Submissive Parent/child Husband/wife Symmetrical=equality Roommates Partners Friends Parallel=choice of one above Couple will make a choice has to how they can operate for a time period

PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION 1.We cannot not communicate 2.Irreversible 3.Involves ethical choices 4.Construct meanings 5.Metacommunication affects meanings 6.Develops & sustains relationships 7.Not a panacea 8.Can be learned

GUIDELINES FOR COMPETENCE Develop a range of skills Adapt Engage in dual perspective Monitor your communication Commit to ethical & effective communication

YOUTUBE VIDEO “I Forgot my Phone”-( 2 min.) Are we addicted? Have we gone too far? What can we do about it?