Raising Strong and Successful Children Ken Ginsburg MD, MS Ed The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia The University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine.

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Presentation transcript:

Raising Strong and Successful Children Ken Ginsburg MD, MS Ed The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia The University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine

What should childhood look like?

And... who is childhood for???

How do we define success?

Resilience The Ability To Overcome Adversity The Capacity to Bounce Back

Resilience is NOT Invulnerability

Resilience is NOT a character trait. It is affected by supports and circumstances!!!

The Bottom Line Young People will be more resilient if the important adults in their lives believe in them unconditionally and hold them to high expectations Young People live up or down to the expectations we set for them

The 7 C’s of Resilience Confidence Competence Connection Character Contribution Coping Control

The importance of Connection can not be overstated... Family School Community... and sometimes, the health clinician

Connection 101:

Why does it feel like our connection is challenged during adolescence?

Listening

Sometimes it feels like this…

But know that they do hear you…

Connection 101 (cont’d): Perfectionism Prevention

What is perfectionism? And... why isn’t it a good thing?

“Just try your best”  Victims of a toxic society  What do we praise... or notice?  Desire to spare us  Fear of becoming the target of anger

Finding Competence Building Confidence

Learning Not to Undermine Competence Listening Letting young people make their own mistakes Praising the process of trying, rather than just the results And not over-praising...this is not self esteem!

Talking in a way young people understand Recognizing the cognitive development of adolescence No more lectures!!!!!! The “Cognitive AHA” experience Learning Not to Undermine Competence

Control - Discipline Parenting Style What goes wrong

Resilience Is about learning to cope, in a positive way with life’s inevitable stressors We might do our greatest good by raising youth with a wide repertoire of positive coping strategies

You Feel Awful!!! Positive Coping Strategies Stress Discomfort Negative Coping Strategies Relief You Feel Awful!!! Discomfort You Feel Awful!!! Discomfort Relief

Coping Engagement vs. Disengagement Emotion Focused vs. Problem Focused

Stress Management : Tackling The Problem 1)Making the problem manageable 2)Active Avoidance 3)Let Some things go

Serenity Prayer Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference

Stress Management : Taking Care of My Body 4)Exercise oFear oAnger

Stress Management : Taking Care of My Body 5)Relaxation 6)Nutrition

Stress Management : Taking Care of My Body 7) Sleep oStimulation oCool Down Exercise Shower oRelease emotion

Stress Management : Managing Emotions 8)Instant Vacations 9)Releasing Emotions

Stress Management Plan : Making the World Better 10) Contributing to the world

An Interactive Stress Management Plan