Writing Boot Camp Structure and Revision

Day 3: Writing a Smooth Paper Transition Words and Phrases Sentence Clarity Paragraph Coherence Paragraph-to-Paragraph Coherence Editing Submit to Ms. Lister Homework = Write a conclusion

Transition Words and Phrases Use transition words and phrases to show the direction of your thoughts. A lack of transitions to aid logical flow can cause confusion. Without transitions, important ideas can be completely missed or misinterpreted.

Lists of Transition Words and Phrases Addition: also, in addition, too, moreover, and, besides, furthermore, equally important, then, finally Example: for example, for instance, thus, as an illustration, namely, specifically Contrast: but, yet, however on the one hand/on the other hand, nevertheless, nonetheless, conversely, in contrast, still, at the same time Comparison: similarly, likewise, in the same way Concession: of course, to be sure, certainly, granted

More Transition Words and Phrases Result: therefore, thus, as a result, so, accordingly Summary: hence, in short, in brief, in summary, in conclusion, finally Sequence: first, second, third, next, then, finally, afterwards, before, soon, later, meanwhile, subsequently, immediately, eventually, currently Place: in the front, in the foreground, in the back, in the background, at the side, adjacent, nearby, in the distance, here, there

Using Transitions Use transition words and phrases to show the direction of your thoughts. Example without transitional phrase: Vanilla ice cream is popular in America. Other nations prefer chocolate. Example with transition phrase: Vanilla ice cream is popular in America, although other nations prefer chocolate.

Another Example Example: Most children like strawberry ice cream. Pistachio is not usually their favorite. Revision: Most children like strawberry ice cream. Pistachio, on the other hand, is not usually their favorite.

Sentence Variety and Clarity Combine short, choppy sentences. Vary subject-verb structure by incorporating participial phrases starting with –ing or –ed verbs. Hierarchize elements in your sentences for emphasis. Read your writing aloud to hear awkward constructions and unnecessary repetition.

Paragraph Unity Each paragraph of an essay must have unity A paragraph must have one main idea. Every sentence in the paragraph must be relevant to that main idea.

Paragraph Unity Problems As you manage your time, think about how long certain activities will take. A common mistake is to underestimate the time needed to do something simple. For example, when you are planning to go to the store, there may be a line of people. Last week in line I met a woman I went to high school with, so we chatted. It turns out she has two children just the same age as mine. When you are estimating time for a more complex activity, such as reading, block out more time than you think you will need. It is better to allow too much time than too little.

Paragraph Coherence Make sure the sentences in each paragraph are in logical order, usually with the topic or claim sentence first, followed by evidence. Use transitions to aid logical flow between ideas and evidence.

Activity: Incoherent Paragraph Try rewriting this incoherent paragraph: There are political events. In this paper I will discuss why people should be more aware of current events. A natural disaster, an earthquake, could happen any moment. This is not political, but it is still an event. Reading about a disaster in the newspaper is different from actually living it.

A Possible Revision: Reading about a disaster in the newspaper is different from actually experiencing it firsthand. However, grand- scale incidents, whether natural or political, touch the lives of all individuals to a certain degree. Consequently, people need to cultivate an awareness of current events.

Paragraph-to-Paragraph Coherence The paragraphs in your essay should flow logically from one to another. Transition sentences concluding one paragraph and beginning another help to bridge parts of the discussion. Without transition “bridges” between paragraphs, the discussion will seem disjointed.

Sentence Clarity Why do we need to be concerned with sentence clarity?  To communicate effectively to the reader  To make writing persuasive  To show credibility and authority as a writer

Common Clarity Problems Misplaced modifiers Dangling modifiers Passive voice

Misplaced Modifiers a word or phrase that causes confusion because it is located within a sentence so far away from the word(s) to which it refers

Misplaced Modifiers Consider the following simplified example: The dog under the tree bit Carrie. vs. The dog bit Carrie under the tree.

Misplaced Modifiers Sometimes misplaced modifiers are used for comic effect: The other day I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. -- Groucho Marx

Misplaced Modifiers Some one-word modifiers often cause confusion: almost justnearlysimply even hardlymerely only

Explain the meaning of each sentence: Almost everyone in the class passed the calculus exam. Everyone in the class almost passed the calculus exam.

Dangling Modifiers a word or phrase that modifies another word or phrase that has not been stated clearly within the sentence  often occur at the beginnings and ends of sentences  often indicated by an -ing verb or a to + verb phrase

Dangling Modifiers Having finished dinner, the football game was turned on. Having finished dinner, Joe turned on the football game.

Correct the Following: To work as a loan officer, an education in financial planning is required. Better: To work as a loan officer, one is required to have an education in financial planning.

Dangling Modifiers More relevant example from student paper: “Women now have professional team sports with fans cheering them on and being taken as seriously as the men’s leagues.”

Speaking of Which… Things that commonly trip up your language: Writing in a weird tense: Women were being sent into the workforce. (why include “being”?) Women in the 20s had been wearing shorter skirts. (why not just say “wore”?) Avoid using “had” and “-ing” verbs regularly in your essay

Other things that mess you up: Strings of phrases and clauses: Women in the 1920s started to go out to night clubs and drink, which men had previously not wanted them to do. (22 words) Simplify! 1920s women defied prior social expectations by going to night clubs and drinking. (13 words)

Passive Voice  indicates what is receiving the action rather than explaining who is doing the action  two indicators  "to be" verbs—is, are, was, were  "by ________” Examples: Mistakes were made. The cats were brushed by Laura.

Improve the Sentence: The decision that was reached by the committee was to postpone the vote. Better: The committee reached the decision to postpone the vote. Best: The committee decided to postpone the vote.

Rule of Thumb When re-reading your essay, think about how you can REMOVE words from long strings of sentences. Usually it requires two things: Changing the order of the phrases in your essay Using more active verbs

Try This One: The feminist movement has made women all over America question their roles in home and encouraged them to take a stand against being oppressed and to gain the same privileges as men.

Prepositions I don’t know how to teach these to you.

Sentence Combining This is NOT as big of a problem for you guys as lonnnnnng sentences, but just in case… Sometimes you’ll notice that your writing sounds like a list. If that happens, consider how to combine sentences.

Sentence Combining Example: The boy struggled to ride his bike. The boy is four years old and he is feisty. The bike is new and it is a light blue color. The boy received the bike for his birthday. He struggled for two hours. However, he was unsuccessful in riding the bike.

Sentence Combining Go from this: The boy struggled to ride his bike. The boy is four years old and he is feisty. The bike is new and it is a light blue color. The boy received the bike for his birthday. He struggled for two hours. However, he was unsuccessful in riding the bike. To This: The feisty four-year-old boy struggled unsuccessfully for two hours to ride his new light blue birthday bike.

Formalizing Your Writing Best done by AVOIDING certain words and phrases, like: “so” (try “thus” or one of your other transitions) “really” (“actually” or “in fact” or “extremely” or “severely” etc., depending on the meaning) “a lot” (“many” or “several” or “a vast majority”) “shows/uses” (“illustrates” or “clarifies” or “exemplifies” or “utilizes” or “employs”)

Formalizing Your Writing For a first draft, it is okay to write the way you speak if you need to When you are finished writing, however, you should look over your essay and try to change that– ideally, it reads like a publishable piece.

Personal Pronouns and Contractions What’s the “real” deal with these words and when/why we cannot use them??

Revision versus Editing Revision = reworking your ideas, structural clarity, flow, etc. Editing = syntax and grammar, punctuation, capitalization, etc.

Activity: Edit I’m going to put you in groups of seven. You’re going to each be looking for something different in everyone’s essay.

Conclusions 101 Your conclusion is your chance to have the last word on the subject. The conclusion allows you to: have the final say on the issues you have raised in your paper summarize your thoughts demonstrate the importance of your ideas propel your reader to a new view of the subject. make a good final impression end on a positive note.

Conclusions 101: Some Strategies Return to the theme or themes in the introduction. This strategy brings the reader full circle. For example, if you begin by describing a scenario, you can end with the same scenario as proof that your essay is helpful in creating a new understanding. You may also refer to the introductory paragraph by using key words or parallel concepts and images that you also used in the introduction. Synthesize, don't summarize: Include a brief summary of the paper's main points, but don't simply repeat things that were in your paper. Instead, show your reader how the points you made and the support and examples you used fit together. Pull it all together.

Conclusions 101: Some Strategies Include a provocative insight about the research or reading you did for your paper. Propose a course of action, a solution to an issue, or questions for further study. This can redirect your reader's thought process and help her to apply your info and ideas to her own life or to see the broader implications. Point to broader implications. For example, if your paper examines the Greensboro sit-ins or another event in the Civil Rights Movement, you could point out its impact on the Civil Rights Movement as a whole. A paper about the style of writer Virginia Woolf could point to her influence on other writers or on later feminists.

Conclusions: Strategies to Avoid Beginning with an unnecessary, overused phrase such as "in conclusion," "in summary," or "in closing." Although these phrases can work in speeches, they come across as wooden and trite in writing. Including evidence (quotations, statistics, etc.) that should be in the body of the paper. The Sherlock Holmes Conclusion: Stating the thesis for the very first time in the conclusion. “Surprise! Mystery Solved!” The Grab Bag Conclusion: Introducing a new idea or subtopic in your conclusion. “Because, you know, if you didn’t like all the other stuff I have to say, here’s another option.” The “that’s my story and I’m sticking to it” Conclusion: Ending with a rephrased thesis statement and arguments without any substantive changes. The “We shall overcome/I am woman/American the beautiful” Conclusion: Making sentimental, emotional appeals that are out of character with the rest of an analytical paper.

Conclusions 101 See my “Conclusion Workshop” handout for examples and step-by-step instructions. If you get stuck on a final sentence, go back to the “so what” game: Why should we care about your paper? So what? Take 10 minutes and use the conclusion handout to try and draft or revise a conclusion.