Imagine this scenario: (it probably won’t take much imagination) Mom: “Tell your sister you’re sorry.” Johnny: “But she’s the one who-” Mom: “TELL HER YOU’RE SORRY!” Johnny (sighing heavily, rolling eyes, and totally without emotion except for his obvious disgust at this whole process): “Sorrrrry.” But well-meaning Mom is not finished…

Imagine this scenario: (it probably won’t take much imagination) Mom: “Now Susie, tell Johnny you forgive him.” Susie: “But he doesn’t even mean it!” Mom: “Susie, SAY IT!” Susie (muttering under her breath with equal disgust as Johnny is sticking his tongue out at her while Mom’s attention is off of him): “I forgive you.” Mom: “Now that’s settled, be nice to one another.” And everything continues ad infinitum as the process is repeated with no real change in emotion or behavior, except for the increasing frustration of Mom.

Apologies Apologies

A Better Way? The problem with the previous scenario is that it lacks heart- obviously no regret for the deed done, no remorse for the hurt caused, no intention of doing differently/better, and as a result of these, no real appeal for forgiveness. So, how do we begin to add heart to apologies? How do we teach (and learn) to do more than just utter the words “I’m sorry”? As usual, most of the answer resides in proper identification and analysis of the problem…

A Better Way? We’ve already identified and analyzed the problem with these kinds of apologies- they lack sufficient heart to: Admit/acknowledge the error, Feel and communicate remorse for its commission and the hurt caused by it, Have and state a genuine intention to do differently/better, and Make a sincere appeal for forgiveness. There IS a better way…

A Better Way? We need to add heart by: 1.Admitting/acknowledging the error- Prov.18:12 “I’m sorry for…” 2.Feel and communicate remorse for its commission and the hurt caused by it- 2Sam.12:13-14 “This was/is wrong because…” 3.Have and state a genuine intention to do differently and better- Prov.17:9 “In the future, I will…” 4.Make a sincere appeal for forgiveness- Luke 18:13 “Will you please forgive me?”

But, this isn’t just about teaching our children how to properly apologize… We have the same problems and needs with our apologies to God, since they often: 1.Lack any true admitting/acknowledging of sin; 2.Lack any true remorse for its commission and the hurt caused by it; 3.Lack any true intention to do differently/better; and, 4.Expect for forgiveness just because we’ve said “I’m sorry.” Do we expect God to accept from us, His children, what we won’t accept from our own children?

Perhaps we, too, need to add some heart to our apologies by: 1.Truly admitting/acknowledging/specifying our sin. Specificity of confession shows understanding of precisely what we’ve done wrong; generalities often mask impure motives, 1Sam.15: Feeling and communicating true remorse for its commission and the hurt caused by it, Rather than for having been caught and forced to confess/apologize, cf. 2Cor.7:8-10.

Perhaps we, too, need to add some heart to our apologies by: 3.Having and manifesting true intention to do differently/better in the future. Compare Luke 19:1-10 with Acts 5:1-10; 26:20 4.Making a genuine appeal for mercy and forgiveness because we truly are “sorry.” Psalm 51

Credits and Conclusions The basic premise for this lesson came from an uncredited teacher training seminar, and was further developed and written about in an online blog by “JoEllen” (cuppacocoa.com). I saw a link to her article posted online by our own Jill Dublin, and recognized the spiritual principles and applications involved. Thanks to both of these ladies for their insights, and generosity in sharing. Our children need to be taught how to properly apologize because doing so insures that they: understand the impact their deeds have; feel proper remorse for them; intend to do better; appreciate the need of mercy and forgiveness. We need to learn those same lessons for the same reasons, and apply them in our apologies to one another and God!