Developing Your Couples Vision Presented By DeWayne & Jacqui Thomas Sponsored by R.E.L.A.T.E. Ministries

Overview  Identify Expectations Where They Come From Expectations In Action (film clip) How They Effect Us (expectation work sheet)  How To Identify Your Vision Communicating Your Vision It’s In Your Head - Help Me See It( exercise) Using all Skills and Tools  Yours, Mine ⇒ Ours  Problem Solving  Creating Your Relationship Vision

Identifying Expectations  Why talk about them? They affect the very fabric of your marriage. Identified and latent expectation will often have a major affect on how one sees of hears what is actually being said.  What kind of expectations do people have for marriage?  Expectation Work Sheet

Where Do Expectation Come From  Many from family of origin  Many from your own history  Culture and media  They are comprised of the sum total of your life experiences

Expectation In Action  Being There, film clip of Chance the Gardener

How Expectations Affect Us  It’s OK to have different expectations  Power of expectations  They can produce friction and disappointment  Many people have ideals for marriage that they have not shared with their partner  Some are just not reasonable  Bringing expectations out into the open allows for better understanding and trust

How Expectations Affect Us continued  Identify the source of the expectation  Is it positive or negative ?  Why is this irritating me?  Feeling extremely passionate about something is a good indicator of a latent expectation  Expectation Work Sheet

Communicating Your Vision It’s in your head help me to see it” Exercise

What would have made it easier?  Must use all skills and tools available  Speaking Clearly  Staying Calm  Speaking Slowly  No Yelling  Not expecting them to get all at once

Starting the process of discovery  Goal is not to accomplish your individual vision but to communicate it first  Communication allows for understanding the respective visions  Through understanding each party can choose to make an informed compromise, working towards a singular vision for the marriage. Take Notes !

What If Our Differences Become a Problem?

Coming to a Unified Vision  Mission: Why we do what we do –Requires prayer, reflection, communication  Vision: What you see yourself doing –Specific Actions  Goal: Small steps to reach the vision

R.E.L.A.T.E.  Mission: To help people have abundant life by teaching scriptural principles and skilled use of practical tools Vision: We will travel across the country in an RV ministering and providing free training Goals: Establish a charter, establish web site, build support team etc..

Problem Solving Skills The 3 “P”s  1. Problem discussion  2. Prayer  3. Problem Solution a Agenda setting b Brain Storming c Agreement & Compromise d Follow up on attempted solution

Problem Discussion  Be ready because in some instances a lot of baggage may come up. But remember it’s only the discussion phase. Think of it as an open house to your partner’s mind.

Prayer  Maybe not for small but is great for bigger issues  Proverbs 3:5 Trust the Lord  Proverbs 3:6 Look to the Lord in all things It ‘s not a bad ideal to take a closer look at

Agenda Setting  Pick a very specific issue you are working to solve  Stay on this specific focus for solution ideas. You may be worlds apart but stay on task

Brain Storming  Suggest any ideas at all, no matter how unusual with no criticism or evaluation  Record ideas on paper. Only one can play scribe  Funny ideas can help keep tension low

Agreement & Compromise  Work through the ideas  Try different combinations  Try for a specific solution that will work in light of your new understanding of what is important to each other. Metamorphosis Amalgamation

Create Your Relationship Vision  Ask yourself the question: If we knew we could not fail, and if we could design our relationship any way we wanted, how would we be?