Chapter 7 Revising Business Messages Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Copyright © 2003

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 2 Revising for Clarity, Conciseness, and Readability Keep it simple. Keep it conversational. Remove opening fillers. Eliminate redundancies. Reduce compound prepositions. Purge empty words.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 3 Revising for Clarity, Conciseness, and Readability Kick the noun habit. Dump trite “business” phrases. Develop parallelism (balanced construction). Apply graphic highlighting. Measure readability.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 4 Keep it simple. Avoid indirect, pompous language. Poor: It would not be inadvisable for you to affix your signature at this point in time. Improved: You may sign now.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 5 Keep it conversational. Formal: Our Accounting Department takes this opportunity to inform you that we have credited your account for the aforementioned sum. Conversational: We have credited your account for $100.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 6 Remove opening fillers. Wordy: There are four new menu items we must promote. Improved: We must promote four new menu items.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 7 Eliminate redundancies. collect together contributing factor personal opinion perfectly clear

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 8 Reduce compound prepositions. at such time at which time due to the fact that inasmuch as Reduce to when. Reduce to because.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 9 Purge empty words. As for the area of athletic shoes, the degree of profits sagged. This is to inform you that we have a toll- free service line. Not all students who are registered will attend.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 10 Purge empty words. As for the area of athletic shoes, the degree of profits sagged. This is to inform you that we have a toll- free service line. Not all students who are [registered] will attend.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 11 Purge empty words. As for athletic shoes, profits sagged. We have a toll-free service line. Not all [registered] students will attend.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 12 Kick the noun habit. Wordy: We must conduct an investigation of all parking violations before we can give consideration to your fine. Improved: We must investigate all parking violations before we can consider your fine.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 13 Dump trite "business" phrases. Trite: Pursuant to your request, enclosed please find a job application. Improved: As requested, we have enclosed a job application.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 14 Develop parallelism (balanced construction). Not parallel: We can collect information, store it, and later it can be updated. Parallel: We can collect, store, and update information.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 15 Apply graphic highlighting. Letters, such as (a) and (b) within the text Numerals, like 1, 2, and 3, listed vertically Bullets, like  Headings and print options CAPITAL LETTERS underscores boldface italics font sizes

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 16 THE 3 x 3 WRITING PROCESS

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 17 The Complete Process 1. Prewriting Analyze Anticipate Adapt 1. Prewriting Analyze Anticipate Adapt 2. Writing Research Organize Compose 2. Writing Research Organize Compose 3. Revising Revise Proofread Evaluate 3. Revising Revise Proofread Evaluate

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide Prewriting Analyze: Define your purpose. Select the most appropriate form (channel). Visualize the audience. Anticipate: Put yourself in the reader’s position and predict his or her reaction to this message. Adapt: Consider ways to shape the message to benefit the reader, using his or her language.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide Writing Research: Collect data formally and informally. Generate ideas by brainstorming and clustering. Organize: Group ideas into a list or an outline. Select the direct or indirect strategy. Compose: Write first draft, preferably on a computer.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide Revising Revise: Revise for clarity, tone, conciseness, and vigor. Revise to improve readability. Proofread: Proofread to verify spelling, grammar, punctuation, and format. Check for overall appearance. Evaluate: Ask yourself whether the final product will achieve its purpose.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 21 What to Watch for When Proofreading Spelling Grammar Punctuation Names and numbers Format

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 22 Basic Proofreader’s Marks Delete Capitalize Lowercase (don’t capitalize) Transpose Close up

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 23 Basic Proofreader’s Marks Insert Insert space Insert punctuation Insert period Start paragraph

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 24 Unmarked Copy This is to inform you that beginning september 1 the doors leading to the Westside of the building will have alarms. Because of the fact that these exits also function as fire exits they can not actually be locked consequently we are instaling alrams. Please utilize the east side exists to avoid setting off the ear piercing alarms.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 25 Marked Copy This is to inform you that beginning september 1 the doors leading to the Westside of the building will have alarms. Because of the fact that these exits also function as fire exits they can not actually be locked consequently we are instaling alrams. Please utilize the east side exists to avoid setting off the ear piercing alarms. use l doors

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 26 Revised Copy Beginning September 1 the doors leading to the west side of the building will have alarms. Because these doors also function as fire exits, they cannot be locked; consequently, we are installing alarms. Please use the east side exits to avoid setting off the ear-piercing alarms.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 27 How to Proofread Routine Documents For computer messages, read on the screen in WYSIWYG mode (what you see is what you get) or, better yet, print a rough copy to read. For handwritten or printed messages, read carefully and use proofreading marks to indicate changes.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 28 How to Proofread Complex Documents Print a copy, preferably double-spaced. Set it aside for a breather. Allow adequate time for careful proofreading. Be prepared to find errors. Congratulate, not criticize, yourself each time you find an error!

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 29 How to Proofread Complex Documents Read the message at least twice – for meaning and for grammar/mechanics. Reduce your reading speed. Focus on individual words.

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 30 Evaluating the Outcome How successful will this communication be? Does the message say what you want it to say? Will it achieve its purpose? Did you encourage feedback so that you will know whether it succeeded?

Mary Ellen Guffey, Business Communication: Process and Product, 4e Ch. 7, Slide 31 End