Types of Relationships

 Talk about your feelings.  Respecting each other’s friends and activities.  Considering the other person’s opinions and feelings.  Respecting differences in the other person.  Having an equal say in the relationship.  Feeling like you’re your own person.  Feeling responsible for your own happiness.  Togetherness and separateness are balanced.

 Friendships exist outside of the relationship.  Focuses on the best qualities of both people.  Achieving intimacy without chemicals.  Open, honest and assertive communication.  Commitment to the partner  Accepting changes in the relationship  Asking honestly for what is wanted  Working out solutions that are good for both of you.

 Shouting or yelling when you’re angry at the other person.  Using the “silent treatment”  Unwilling to listen or pouting to get what you want  Blaming the partner for his or her own unique qualities  Believing that one gender has more rights than the other  Feeling incomplete without your partner

 Relying on your partner for your happiness  Too much or too little togetherness  Inability to establish and maintain friendships with others  Focuses on the worst qualities of the partners  Using alcohol/drugs to reduce inhibitions and achieve a false sense of intimacy  Game-playing, manipulation

 Jealousy, relationship addiction or lack of commitment  Feeling that the relationship should always be the same  Feeling unable to express what is wanted  Pestering your partner until you get what you want

 Dominating and controlling the other person.  Trying to keep your partner away from friends.  Name calling and putdowns  Harassment  Breaking your partner’s possessions.  Threatening harm.  Intimidating through physical abuse or property destruction.

 Extreme Jealousy and possessiveness.  Pushing, hitting, biting, burning.  Restraining/holding your partner against his/her will  Using scare tactics  Using sexual putdowns  Forcing sex or sexual touching

Incident Making-up Calm Tension Building

Incident Any type of abuse occurs. (Physical, Sexual or Emotional)

Making-up Abuser may apologize for abuse Abuser may promise it will never happen again Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims

Calm Abuser acts like the abuse never happened Physical abuse may not be taking place Promises made during ‘make-up’ may not be met Victim may hope that the abuse is over Abuser may give gifts to victim

Tension Building Abuser starts to get angry Abuse may begin There is a breakdown of communication Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm. Tension becomes too much Victim feels like they are ‘walking on egg shells’

 Step 1 – Confront the abuser. Use, model and teach conflict management skills.  Step 2 – Get help. Talk to a counsellor, teacher, priest, doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist to get help for the abuser.  Step 3 – Leave the relationship. Get away from the abuser. Take legal action if necessary.