Behaviour & Relationships NUT Wales June2014 Paul Howard

Aims of Session To provide a theoretical basis for understanding interactions and the locus of responsibility for behaviour To explore and encourage application of that understanding in everyday situations To build on participants’ existing good practice

Raw Material Think of a recent situation in which the interaction between you and another/others was getting nowhere Make a mental note of how you were feeling at the time

Key Concept – Ego States Ego states are media through which our personalities are experienced and manifested

P A C

P Parent Ego State Attitudes, behaviours, thoughts and feelings taken in from parents or parental figures

C Child Ego State Attitudes, behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood and childhood decisions

A Adult Ego State Behaviours, thoughts and feelings that are direct responses to the current reality

P A C Parent Ego State Attitudes, behaviours, thoughts and feelings taken in from parents or parental figures Child Ego State Attitudes, behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood and childhood decisions Adult Ego State Behaviours, thoughts and feelings that are direct responses to the current reality

Parent Ego State What thoughts, feelings, attitudes and behaviours do you associate with the parent figures whom you encountered when you were growing up?

A CPNP Critical Parent Moralistic Judgemental Authoritarian Nurturing Parent Reassuring Caring Encouraging Supportive Understanding C

Child Ego State What thoughts, feelings, attitudes and behaviours do you associate with your experience of childhood and the decisions you made as a child?

A CPNP FC RC CC ADAPTED CHILD Rebellious Child Defiant Complaining Compliant Child Passive Submissive Free Child Curious Energetic Fun-loving Spontaneous

A CPNP FC RC CC Adult Non-judgemental Open-minded Interested Confident Reality based

A CPNP FC RC CC Critical Parent Moralistic Judgemental Authoritarian Nurturing Parent Reassuring Caring Encouraging Supportive Understanding Adult Non-judgemental Open-minded Interested Confident Reality based ADAPTED CHILD Rebellious Child Defiant Complaining Compliant Child Passive Submissive Free Child Curious Energetic Fun-loving Spontaneous

CONTROLCARE Criticising Mode Bossy, Fault Finding, Punitive Inspiring, Directive, Firm Structuring Mode Marshmallowing Mode Overindulgent, Inconsistent Smothering Cherishing, Understanding Compassionate Nurturing Mode

ADAPTEDNATURAL Co-operative/Assertive Mode Sociable, Assertive, Considerate Anxious, Rebellious Submissive Compliant/Resistant Mode Spontaneous Mode Creative, Expressive Zestful Egocentric, Reckless Selfish Immature Mode

ACCOUNTING Alert Aware Grounded Rational Input and output of facts and information

ACCOUNTING CONTROLCARE ADAPTEDNATURAL Criticising Mode Bossy, Fault Finding, Punitive Inspiring, Directive, Firm Structuring Mode Alert Aware Grounded Rational Co-operative/Assertive Mode Sociable, Assertive, Considerate Anxious, Rebellious Submissive Compliant/Resistant Mode Marshmallowing Mode Overindulgent, Inconsistent Smothering Cherishing, Understanding Compassionate Nurturing Mode Input and output of facts and information Spontaneous Mode Creative, Expressive Zestful Egocentric, Reckless Selfish Immature Mode

‘Invitations to Play’ P A C P A C

P A C P A C

‘Spot the Ego State’ Which Ego State is ‘A’ in? From which sub-conscious Ego States might ‘B’ respond? What would those responses look and sound like? What would a response by ‘B’ in Adult Ego state look/sound like?

Reflection & discussion Revisit the scenario you thought about at the start of the session. In what ego states were you and the other(s) during the interaction? If you find that the exchange was mainly reactive (Parent, Child) what would you have done differently in a conscious (Adult) state?

Key Concept - Strokes One of our basic needs is recognition A stroke is a unit of recognition

DOING POSITIVE BEING NEGATIVE

DOING POSITIVE BEING NEGATIVE Well done’ ‘Thanks’ ‘Excellent’ Thumbs up

DOING POSITIVE BEING NEGATIVE

DOING POSITIVE BEING NEGATIVE ‘Welcome’ ‘It’s good to see you again’ ‘I love you’ Smile

DOING POSITIVE BEING NEGATIVE

DOING POSITIVE BEING NEGATIVE

Stroke Diets

Stroke Diets

Stroke Diets