Linking/Combining It can be easy to fall into a choppy subject-verb-object writing style. For example: I went to the library. The librarian helped me find the journals. I read the journals. I prepared the paper. I went to the library where the librarian helped me find the journals. After I read the journals, I prepared the paper.

Linking/Combining Varying sentence structure: Bob wanted to leave early. He had a date that night. Bob wanted to leave early, especially since he had a date that night. Bob wanted to leave early; he had a date that night. Since he had a date that night, Bob wanted to leave early.

Linking/Combining Consider parenthetical expressions: The part will more than meet our needs because it has a finish of stainless steel. The part, which has a finish of stainless steel, will more than meet our needs. But make sure you realize the two above sentences say two very different things.

Linking/Combining Where there is a direct relationship, you must link them. Not – Morris Technologies made a major acquisition last year. It turned out to be a major disaster. But – Morris Technologies made a major acquisition last year, and it turned out to be a major disaster.

Linking/Combining Some thoughts must be subordinated. For example: The engine began to cough and miss when the car stalled on the Schuylkill Expressway. As the engine began to cough and miss, the car stalled on the Schuylkill Expressway.

An Example* Too Choppy: Golden Nugget will not purchase the Claridge Hotel. The hotel is 60 years old. The asking price was $110 million. It was not considered too high. Golden Nugget had wanted some commitments from New Jersey regulators. The regulators were unwilling to provide such commitments. Some observers believe the refusal was not the real reason for the decision. They blame the weak Atlantic City economy for the cancellation. Golden Nugget purchased the Stake House in Las Vegas in It lost money on that purchase. It does not want to repeat its mistake in Atlantic City. (Average sentence length = 8 words) *From: Ober, Scott, Contemporary Business Communication, Houghton- Mifflin, New York, 1999.

Too Difficult: Golden Nugget will not purchase the Claridge Hotel, which is 60 years old, for an asking price of $110 million, which was not considered too high, because the company had wanted some commitments from New Jersey regulators, and the regulators were unwilling to provide such commitments. Some observers believe the refusal was not the real reason for the decision but rather that the weak Atlantic City economy was responsible for the cancellation, and since Golden Nugget purchased the Stake House in Las Vegas in 1990 and lost money on that purchase, it does not want to repeat its mistake in Atlantic City. (Average sentence length = 50 words)

Better: Golden Nugget will not purchase the 60-year-old Claridge Hotel, even though the $110 million asking price was not considered too high. The company had wanted some commitments from New Jersey regulators, which the regulators were unwilling to provide. However, some observers blame the cancellation on the weak Atlantic City economy. Golden Nugget lost money on its 1990 purchase of the Stake House in Las Vegas, and it does not want to repeat its mistake in Atlantic City. (Average sentence length = 20 words)