LIBERTY CORNER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SEPTEMBER 2015 Making our schools safe for learning.

What is “real” bullying? “Harassment, intimidation, and bullying” (HIB) is often used in place of the term “bullying” Implies an imbalance of power or ONE-way Single or multiple incidents On or off school grounds

What else is Bullying? Bullying is hostile and causes significant physical or emotional harm. Hurt feelings are important to address, but would not qualify as above. Bullying is always motivated by any actual or perceived distinguishing characteristic such as race, color, religion, ancestry, nat’l origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, or a mental, physical or sensory disability, or any other distinguishing characteristic. Bullying is NOT social conflict, immaturity, nor annoyances

Teaching kids the definition… All “real” bullies are mean, but not all kids who act mean are REAL bullies. Bullies are very RARE.

Kids definition: Real Bullies put you down or harm you on purpose due to something about YOU that they don’t like. Real Bullies use POWER over you, making you feel afraid to be around them, or afraid to come to school and learn. Real Bullies cause harm to us, making us feel unsafe.

CONFLICT BULLYING Normal Conflict: Involves people with similar degrees of power. Involves mutual disagreement or difference in interests of goals Is reciprocal; both parties participate in the conflict Both parties are responsible for wrongdoing Can be fairly resolved by compromise or negotiation Often includes disagreements, fights or arguments (NJ State Definition) Involves an imbalance of power. Involves one person exerting his/her needs or interests Is one-sided; one party instigates Involves hurtful behavior on behalf of one party against another A fair resolution involves a change in behavior of “Offender”; “Victim” has no concession to make The intent is to physically or emotionally harm someone based on a perceived or actual characteristic (NJ State Definition) Conflict VERSUS Bullying

What steps should a parent take if their child comes home upset or unhappy? 1. Speak to the teacher about your concerns, giving them opportunity to intercede and assist 2. Try to determine if this appears to be a mutual conflict or if you feel your child is being uniquely targeted. 3. Determine if this is developmentally typical for young elementary age children 4. Remember there are always two sides or perspectives to conflict. Elementary children tend to see their side only. 5. Consider having the counselor meet with all children involved to work out their differences and express concerns. 6. Involve/Inform the Assistant Principal if school rules have been broken and you are seeking resolution..

When Contacting The School Counselor Report only the behaviors, i.e. what was said or done to your child (or another child). For example, when going to the doctor, we do not want to “self-diagnose.” Our doctor only wants to know symptoms. It is their job to make a diagnosis.

Important to know: Once a parent accuses another child of “bullying”, a full state mandated investigation must and will occur, with central board office involvement and letters to all involved families. It will be determined as “founded” or “unfounded” based on NJ State law. When you report any incident, it will be taken seriously and full resolution will be sought. Discipline will be applied, as appropriate.

New Jersey Week of Respect October 5 – 9, 2015 NJ State-wide emphasis on Tolerance and Respect Guidance lessons (anti-bullying-Oct) Classroom activities, discussions School Spirit Activities Training some 5 th graders as Peer Mediators…will assist Recess Leaders during some Recess periods each week.

…and YOUR Anti-bully Specialist, as recommended by the NJ Dept. of Ed…Thank you for your attention tonight, and enjoy your evening!