© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 1 “Wait till you hear what I heard “ What is Gossip? Why is gossip wrong?

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 2 What is Gossip!? “Gossip may be defined as any form of harmful or hurtful communication that’s not absolutely necessary to share,” Bob Burg, co-author of Gossip: Ten Pathways To Eliminate It From Your Life And Transform Your Soul. “Gossip may be defined as any form of harmful or hurtful communication that’s not absolutely necessary to share,” Bob Burg, co-author of Gossip: Ten Pathways To Eliminate It From Your Life And Transform Your Soul.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 3 The Bible Says in I Timothy 5:13 13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. 13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 4 Jesus put it this way… Mat 12:33 Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit. Mat 12:34 O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 5 Jesus put it this way… Mat 12:35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. Mat 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. Mat 12:37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 6 LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? 2 He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. 3 He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour. Psalms 15:1-3

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 7 19 Thou givest thy mouth to evil, and thy tongue frameth deceit. 20 Thou sittest and speakest against thy brother; thou slanderest thine own mother’s son. 21 These things hast thou done, and I kept silence; thou thoughtest that I was altogether such an one as thyself: but I will reprove thee, and set them in order before thine eyes. 22 Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver. 23 Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God. Psalms 50:11

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 8 In another version it says, 20 you sat around gossiping, ruining the reputation of your own relatives.” 21 When you did all of this, I didn’t say a word, and you thought, “God is just like us!” But now I will accuse you. 22 You have ignored me! So pay close attention or I will tear you apart, and no one can help you. Psalms 50:11 The Contemporary English

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 9 2 It’s stupid to say bad things about your neighbors. If you are sensible, you will keep quiet. 13 A gossip tells everything, but a true friend will keep a secret. Proverbs 11:12 The Contemporary English Version

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 10 Why Do People Gossip? There are many reasons why people gossip… “Sometimes people don’t feel good about themselves and have low self esteem.” People’s lives get boring and they end up looking for a source of excitement. It also allows some people to feel like they’re a part of the group—there’s nothing that will bring two people together faster than bad mouthing a mutual acquaintance.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 11 Gossip can… Destroy relationships Destroy relationships Undermine the credibility of the gossiper and the victim Undermine the credibility of the gossiper and the victim Create deep wounds Create deep wounds Produce feelings of guilt and shame Produce feelings of guilt and shame Destroy reputations Destroy reputations Place others in awkward circumstances Place others in awkward circumstances

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire. 28 A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. Prov. 16: 27,28 King James Version 28 Gossip is no good!It causes hard feelings and comes between friends. Proverbs 16:28 Contemporary English

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 13 In addition, gossip can completely undermine an organization’s purpose. “I’ve seen gossip among a group’s student leaders destroy morale, hurt the group’s public image, and make it next to impossible for the group to be taken seriously on campus...” Steven Roberts, at Kent State University Steven Roberts, at Kent State University

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 14 When you hear something that sounds like gossip, ask yourself a couple of questions…. Why are they telling ME this? (Motive) Why are they telling ME this? (Motive) Why are they telling me this NOW? (Timing) Why are they telling me this NOW? (Timing) What does this person REALLY want? What does this person REALLY want?

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 15 Also consider…. What kind of outcome is this person hoping to have by sharing this information? (Influence) What kind of outcome is this person hoping to have by sharing this information? (Influence) WHO is telling me this? (Credibility) WHO is telling me this? (Credibility) What will be done with my RESPONSE to this person? (Outcome) What will be done with my RESPONSE to this person? (Outcome)

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 16 You know what is coming: “Wait till you hear what I heard” “Wait till you hear what I heard” “Don’t tell her I told you” “Don’t tell her I told you” “I am not sure about this but I think” “I am not sure about this but I think” “Do you know what she said about you?” “Do you know what she said about you?” Gossip is a sin Gossip is a sin – –What is Gossip? – –Why is it a sin?

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 17 Gossip is a Sin Several biblical terms used – talebearer is the most commonly found Several biblical terms used – talebearer is the most commonly found Proverbs 18:8 - Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body. 3 levels – 3 levels – –Rumors –Hurtful, spite, hateful –Secret, private, intimate details

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 18 Gossip – Good / Bad Some People may see gossip in these categories… good gossip and bad gossip. Where which KIND it is largely determined by the intent of the gossiper. If the intent is to hurt and humiliate then it is considered bad gossip. If the intent is to inform and the information will leads to understanding, then it is good gossip… ???

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 19 –1Thessilonians 4:11 And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 20 Gossip is Wrong Because – It destroys reputations Ecclesiastes 7:1 - Ecclesiastes 7:1 - A good name is better than precious ointment, And the day of death than the day of one’s birth; 1 Samuel 18:30b - 1 Samuel 18:30b - David behaved more wisely than all the servants of Saul, so that his name became highly esteemed.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 21 Gossip is Wrong Because – It destroys reputations The NT also places emphasis on a good name The NT also places emphasis on a good name – –Acts 6:3 – “men of good reputation” – –Acts 10:22 – Cornelius – –Acts 22:12 – Ananias A good name takes years to build and a few seconds to destroy

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 22 Gossip is Wrong – Even of the information is true Some think the defense of gossip is – “It is the truth.” Some think the defense of gossip is – “It is the truth.” Proverbs 11:13 - Proverbs 11:13 - A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter. Ecclesiastes 3:7b - A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 23 Gossip is Wrong – Even of the information is true Proverbs 10:19a - Proverbs 10:19a - In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, Proverbs 20:10 Proverbs 20:10 - He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips. If they talk about others to you, they will talk about you to others.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 24 Gossip is Wrong – Even of the information is true Proverbs 25:9-10 – Proverbs 25:9-10 – 9 Debate your case with your neighbor, And do not disclose the secret to another; 10 Lest he who hears it expose your shame, And your reputation be ruined.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 25 Gossip is Wrong – Even of the information is true “She has 3 children” – not gossip “She has 3 children” – not gossip “She has 3 children. One is away at college.” – not gossip “She has 3 children. One is away at college.” – not gossip “She has 3 children. One is in jail on drug charges.” - Gossip “She has 3 children. One is in jail on drug charges.” - Gossip

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 26 Gossip is Wrong Because– It unfairly pre-judges Matthew 7:1 - Matthew 7:1 - Judge not, that you be not judged. Gossip only gets one side of the story

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 27 Gossip is Wrong Because– Protects Sources More than the Victim “A reliable source said” “I can’t tell you who told me” These are usually a good sign that you should not listen to this person.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 28 Gossip is Wrong Because– Violates the Rule of Love “We should put the best possible interpretation on what is said or done.” Follow the Golden Rule – Matthew 7:12 The rule of love – 1 Corinthians 13

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 29 Gossip is Wrong Because– Ignores Context Almost any statement can be taken out of its context and made to say something not intended by the speaker Most gossip starts this way

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 30 Gossip is Wrong Because– It is Self-Motivated The gossiper often seeks to make others look worse so they won’t look so bad. 2 Corinthians 10:12 2 Corinthians 10:12 - For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 31 Gossip is Wrong Because– Disobeys God Leviticus 19:16 Leviticus 19:16 - You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD. Psalm 15:1-3 Psalm 15:1-3 – 1 LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? 2 He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And speaks the truth in his heart; 3 He who does not backbite with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend;

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 32 Gossip is Wrong Because– Disobeys God Ephesians 4:31 – Evil speaking Ephesians 4:31 – Evil speaking Titus 3:1-2 Titus 3:1-2 – Speak evil of no one James 4:11 James 4:11 – Do not speak evil of a brother

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 33 My Response Silence- will it be perceived as ignoring or agreeing? Silence- will it be perceived as ignoring or agreeing? A challenge- will I be the next victim? A challenge- will I be the next victim? Agreement- I am now a perpetrator too Agreement- I am now a perpetrator too Problem solving- If they don’t really want to fix their problem, this will shut them down. Problem solving- If they don’t really want to fix their problem, this will shut them down. Reverse Talk- This can be a very effective solution in some cases…….. Reverse Talk- This can be a very effective solution in some cases……..

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 34 How can gossip be stopped? “What if everyone who gossiped decided to do the opposite and do ‘reverse gossip?’” In other words, you talk good about people—‘Now, isn’t Dave a hard worker or isn’t Mary a great person?’ People are bound to talk about the people in their lives, and choosing to spread kind words around instead of gossip and rumors creates a healthier environment where everyone is better off.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 35 What if that doesn’t work? Sometimes, the best response to gossip is no response. “Refuse to listen to gossip, slander, and other negative forms of speech. If you’re on a diet, don’t bring the cake and cookies into your home. If you’re ending gossip, try and keep away from conversations that may tempt you to listen or chime in.”

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 36 What to do if you have a problem with someone…… 1. Choose your battles- does it really matter? 2. Ask yourself- what is the outcome to this that I really want? If you don’t know, then leave it alone 3. Make sure your motive is always right.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 37 Then…………. Pray, and ask God for the best approach Pray, and ask God for the best approach Pick the right time and place to talk Pick the right time and place to talk Be specific about the problem at hand, and listen to the other side of the story. Be specific about the problem at hand, and listen to the other side of the story. NEVER jump to conclusions or make assumptions until you have all the facts. And even then be cautious. NEVER jump to conclusions or make assumptions until you have all the facts. And even then be cautious. Remember AIM, not BLAME. What is the outcome that will please God? Remember AIM, not BLAME. What is the outcome that will please God?

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 38 Pitfalls to avoid Don’t compromise principles of morality just to come to an agreement. Don’t compromise principles of morality just to come to an agreement. In some cases you have to agree to disagree. In some cases you have to agree to disagree. Don’t have a “Win-Lose” attitude. If anyone loses, everyone loses. Don’t have a “Win-Lose” attitude. If anyone loses, everyone loses. Don’t get lost in general terms- “you always…you never….everybody” Be specific with the problem at hand. Who, when, where, what. Don’t get lost in general terms- “you always…you never….everybody” Be specific with the problem at hand. Who, when, where, what. If the person is in authority (policeman, IRS, pastor, parent/child, judge, teacher….) it is likely possible that they will have the last word. But usually they are open to listen to concerns if they are presented appropriately. If the person is in authority (policeman, IRS, pastor, parent/child, judge, teacher….) it is likely possible that they will have the last word. But usually they are open to listen to concerns if they are presented appropriately.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 39 Also Consider But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: - Ephesians 4:15

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 40 Some Observations: Before you speak – ask three questions: 1. 1.Is it true? 2. 2.Is it necessary? 3. 3.Will it help? Real compassion acts, gossip just sits on the tongue. Real compassion acts, gossip just sits on the tongue.

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 41 Some Observations: I am either part of the problem OR part of the solution. I am either part of the problem OR part of the solution. Do not listen to the gossip of others – – –Say to them, “I am afraid that would get into gossip.” – –Call it what it is – and they will stop – –Gossipers can only gossip if others will listen

© 2003 By Default! A Free sample background from Slide 42 Conclusion: Do not get started in this vicious habit of gossiping Do not get started in this vicious habit of gossiping It starts in the heart – Matthew 15:19 It starts in the heart – Matthew 15:19 Proverbs 26:20 - Proverbs 26:20 - Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.