Dealing with your adolescent’s need for freedom and responsibility

Freedom and Responsibility Your children are old enough to begin questioning their own and others’ beliefs and actions. This is a good thing because when they become adults, they will have to be able to make important decisions on how to live their lives. It is important for teens to be able to practice adult roles in a safe environment.

Freedom and Responsibility As a parent of a teen, you have both the challenge of setting limits to ensure your teen’s safety and the challenge of permitting your teen to explore his or her own ideas and experiences. “With freedom comes responsibility.”

Freedom and Responsibility In a nutshell, teenagers desire and need to establish independence. The task of parents and teens is to talk to each other.

Freedom and Responsibility Do allow teens to become more independent. Ex: Allow them to spend allowance how they see fit.

Freedom and Responsibility Be tolerant, but do not be overly permissive. Ex: If your teen calls and says they’ll be late, be easy on them if they have a good reason.

Freedom and Responsibility Have reasonable rules. Be ready to adjust your rules for certain circumstances. Ex: If your rule is “No dating until you’re 16” and your 14 year old daughter really wants to hang out with a certain boy, consider: Inviting him to dinner or to a movie and popcorn night at your home. Letting your daughter go out with a coed group of friends to the movies or a sports event where the boy she likes can be part of the group.

Freedom and Responsibility Have an open mind. Be patient. Ex: Your child is questioning your religious beliefs. Let them have time to figure things out on their own. If they’re not convinced that your religion is for them, they won’t follow it anyway. Be open to your teen’s challenges and be prepared to talk with them about why you hold the views you do. Also make sure to ask your teen to share the reasons for his or her views.

Freedom and Responsibility Be interested in their lives, but respect their privacy. Ex: Your son just joined a band. He wants time to play guitar alone and write music. Allow him that time, and when he comes around you, simply ask him how his music is coming.