Adding Transitions and Elaboration

Commonly Used Transitions

Combining Sentences with Semicolons and Conjunctive Adverbs and Transitions

Dividing Information into Paragraphs

Your Turn - Rough Draft ORGANIZATION Show Evidence of Editing & Revision In the margin of your paper state the MAIN IDEA of EACH paragraph. Consider what you want to say about the topic and what it means in terms of the story. Example: Romeo’s use of humor demonstrates his ability to patiently wait for simple and reasonable outcomes to the main conflicts; for example, he writes Juliet a letter after trying to sneak into the Capulet house disguised as a cook.

Although Jason was young and had never actually done much hiking, he and a friend made plans to explore Glacier National Park on foot for his eighteenth birthday. Before the trip, Jason researched the history and terrain of the park. He wrote to the park service and received a package full of information and maps. He found out that much of the park, which is in the northern Rockies, is very rugged and isolated. Consequently, he bought clothing and packed provisions for wilderness living. When he arrived at the park and talked to the park rangers, they told Jason the best trails to follow and gave him safety tips.

Your Turn - Rough Draft Transitions and Combining Sentences Show Evidence of Editing & Revision Review your paper by examining ONE paragraph at a time. Underline the beginning of sentences that have the exact same beginning words or phrases. Example: He went to the store. He needed to get his paycheck. He wanted to buy a video game. He thought he might see that cute girl in the electronics section.

Your Turn - Rough Draft Transitions and Combining Sentences Show Evidence of Editing & Revision Add transitions between some of these sentences to improve the flow and style of your essay. Remember that correctly using transitions you can clearly show the connections of your ideas and the events in the story. You can also combine simple sentences into stronger more developed sentences. Example: He went to the store after getting his paycheck so that he could buy a video game. As a result he thought he might see that cute girl in the electronics section.

Elaboration – Adding Details to Paragraphs The paragraph below lacks elaboration. What seems to be missing? Show where certain details might be missing in the paragraph.

Adding Details to Support Reasons and Main Ideas

Your Turn - Rough Draft Elaboration Show Evidence of Editing & Revision Review your entire paper to locate sections of your paragraphs that need elaboration. Highlight each of your main ideas in each paragraph in one color. Highlight the sentences that elaborate on your main ideas in a second color. Example: Romeo’s use of humor demonstrates his ability to patiently wait for simple and reasonable outcomes to the main conflicts. For example Romeo writes Juliet a letter in order to express his feelings without rushing the relationship. He shows his maturity and is confident in his actions. As a result, Juliet is able to think about her actions carefully and has enough time to talk to her family about her feelings for Romeo. Since she understands Romeo’s true feelings she is able to convince her parents that they are justified in their decision to let her make her own choices. Therefore it is Romeo’s patience and Juliet’s close relationship to her family that allow the two to happily be together.