Module Nine

 Acquaintances › People we know by name and talk with, but with whom our interactions are largely impersonal  Friends › People with whom we have negotiated more personal relationships voluntarily  Close friends or intimates › Those with whom we share our deepest feelings

 They can lessen loneliness.  They can stimulate ideas.  They can encourage learning about yourself.  They can enhance self-esteem.  They can maximize physical, mental, and social pleasures.  They can minimize pain.

 They can expose weaknesses.  They can involve obligations of time, money, emotion, and behaviour.  They can affect other relationships.  They can be difficult to terminate.  They can involve the potential for hurt.

Positive Influences  Inner qualities can be shared without physical distractions  Increase in potential number of people you can meet  Gives those who are shy an opportunity to meet people Negative Influences  Allows people to present a false self  Little chance of detection of false presentations

A mother and her second oldest child, an older teenager, are putting away groceries purchased for this evening’s welcome home dinner in honour of the older child’s first weekend home from the university. Mother did not confirm definite plans for dinner but assumed her second oldest child would naturally want to eat dinner tonight with the family. Unfortunately, the teen had other plans.

Mother: You are feeling hurt that a child of yours would choose an evening with friends over an important evening with the family. You feel strongly that your child should cancel other plans and eat at home.

Daughter or Son: Your parents don’t seem to recognize that you are an independent adult. In your opinion, you are still treated like a child. You do not want to cancel your plans to accommodate your mother’s possessive wishes. Let the play begin!

ContactDeterioration Hello, how are you? We aren’t joined at the hip, you know. May I join you? You never talk to me now. InvolvementRepair I’d like to know you better.I’m concerned about us. Is your paper finished?I’m willing to try. Are you? IntimacyDissolution I care about you.It’s all over. Will you marry me?I gave it everything I had.

 Recognize the problem.  Engage in productive conflict resolution.  Pose possible solutions.  Affirm each other.  Integrate solutions into normal behaviour.  Risk change and rejection.

 Break the loneliness–depression cycle.  Take time out.  Bolster self-esteem.  Seek the support of others.  Avoid repeating negative patterns.

All relationships can be defined by a series of opposites:  Autonomy – Connection  Novelty – Predictability  Closedness – Openness

 Friendship  Love  Family  Work

 Serve a variety of needs:  Utility  Affirmation  Ego-support  Stimulation  Security  Consist of three main types:  Reciprocity  Receptivity  Association  Are influenced by culture and gender

Women’s Friendships  More concerned with intimacy, self- disclosure, and casual communication  Often built around sharing, support, and “personalism” Men’s Friendships  Less concerned with intimacy and sharing  Often built around shared activities

1) Curiosity 2) Investigation 3) Testing 4) Increasing frequency of contact 5) Anticipation 6) Fantasy integration 7) Face-to-face meeting 8) Reconfiguration 9) Already separated 10) Long-term relationship

 Changing families  Single-Parent families  Common-Law Relationships  Same-Sex Couples  Characteristics of families  Defined roles  Recognition of responsibilities  Shared history and future  Shared living space  Communication rules

 Advantages  Able to stay in touch  Able to say difficult things more easily  Able to speak without interruptions  Able to step outside of customary roles  Disadvantages  Lack of physical company and interaction

 P ositiveness  O penness  S upportiveness  I nterest  T ruth  I nvolvement  V alue  E quality