- Disbelieve or Denial - Expressing Intense Feelings -Expressing Intense Feelings (groan, uncontrollable sob, inability to concentrate, forgetful, distracted) -Trying to make sense of the tragedy (guilt, anger, faith crisis) -Resignation (isolated, loneliness, depression) - Letting Go of One’s Grief - Building a New Life Shock Rebuild

To “Do” Be available, Build a safe house - make contact at routine basis, Pray for CR and CG Listen (Active, Reflective Listening) Encourage emotional expression, - Accept the feelings and actions of the CR - allow for tears, - Be patient if the stories are repeated and repeated - Touch and hug to communicate warmth and caring Touch and hug to communicate warmth and caring Do some physical activities with the CR, Let CR make decision and help CR avoid rush decision Offer distinctively Christian resources, mobilize support if needed. Balance care giving and boundary Encourage CR to do Grief coping activities

Grief Coping Activities Crying, talking, sharing Prayer and meditating on Scripture Attending a support group Staying busy, working, balanced with rest and relaxation Journaling Listening to music (hymns, praise and worship) Reading Exercising regularly Taking a vacation Spending time with family and friends Calling a friend and going out for a meal Creating a memory book Gardening Attending a Bible study

Not to “Do” Do not judge or tell CR what to fell. Do not give CR self-help books right away. Do not drop in unannounced. Do not try to give advice unless asked. Do not preach. Do not try to heal the wound.

To “Say” Pray and pray Offer comfort - “I am here for you “ - “You must be devastating. I can not imagine what you are going through.” Share stories and memories of the one they lost, - CR needs to hear his/her loved one is remembered. Express your own grief Non-judgmental, don’t challenge the denial Offer specific help - Don’t say “ If you need help. Please let me know”. Instead saying “May I come and help you (specific job) Guard against platitude

Not to “Say” (These are platitudes.) “I understand exactly how you feel” “At least he/she is not suffering any more” “Time will heal” “He/She’s young. He/She can (marry again, or have more children)” “Everybody will die, sooner or later” “Everything will be all right” “The first year is the hardest” “Only the good die young” “It is time to get on with your life” “Every cloud has a silver lining”

Not to “Say” “He/She is in a better place” “God has taken him/her home” “God doesn’t give any more than you can bear” “God doesn’t make mistake” “God only takes the good” “This is God’s will” “Even when we don’t understand it, we shouldn’t question God’s will” (note: What will the consequence be if CG says these statements? What should CG say if CR says these statements?)