Session 6 W elcome to the Self-Esteem in Second Life Workshop for Women with SCI A research study conducted by: Center for Research on Women with Disabilities (CROWD) Spinal Cord Injury and Disability Research Center (SCIDR)

Action Plan Progress Review Tell us how things went with carrying out your action plan last week What barriers did you face? What or who encouraged you? How did working on this make you feel? 2

Review of Homework MAKING CHANGES Increasing a Healthy Connection Habit 3

Describe a new connection habit Modification in my environment to help me continue the habit My rewards for continuing the habit Images of success Blocks I may encounter Affirmation to help me on the way 4

Today’s Session Includes Types of communication Methods for improving communication Assertive behavior Visualization 5

Communication Styles Our communication style: – tells others how we feel about ourselves – affects our health and wellness –can help us connect or distance ourselves from others 6

Communication Styles Healthy communication: –can reduce our sense of isolation –can widen our social networks and increase our sense of connectedness 7

Communication Styles Ineffective Communication –“You Statements” "YOU should have done it this way." "Why did YOU move my things?" "YOU make me feel awful." –Asking Questions "What did YOU think of that movie?" "What would YOU like to do this weekend?” 8

Three Tools for Effective Listening THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING 1. Asking for Clarification communicates interest. One might say, "You were making an important point. Could you please give me an example of what you were saying?" 9

Three Tools for Effective Listening THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING 2.Repeating What You've Heard in your own words identifies and addresses misunderstandings. For example, one might say, "If I understood you correctly, you feel that you are being discriminated against because of your disability." Rephrasing allows you to express what you believe you have heard and for the other to correct any misunderstanding. In this example, the person might respond, "No, that's not exactly what I was saying. What I meant was that my supervisor does not completely appreciate my disability-related needs." 10

Three Tools for Effective Listening THREE TOOLS FOR EFFECTIVE LISTENING 3. Stating What You Believe the Other Person is Feeling allows you to listen for what's not being stated. In this instance, you might say, "If I had a supervisor like yours, I'd be feeling pretty frustrated, too." Or, you might say, “Do I hear you saying that you are feeling disappointed that your supervisor doesn’t really understand?” 11

Communication Styles Effective Communication –Clarification and active listening Asking for clarification Repeating what you have heard Stating what you believe the other person is feeling 12

Communication Styles Effective Communication –"I Statements" "I feel ignored when you spend so much time with your friends." "I feel lonely when you do not visit me, and I would like to see you more frequently." "I feel angry when you do things for me that I believe you know I would prefer doing for myself." 13

Communication Styles You Statements vs. I Statements YouI You are disgusting and irresponsible when you drink alcohol. When you drink alcohol, I feel frightened and disgusted. You are rude not to call when you are going to be late. I feel angry and worried when you don't call to let me know that you are going to be late. 14

Communication Styles Effective Communication –Asking Why Questions Instead of asking your personal assistant, "Why are you late for work?" You might say, "Did something happen that kept you from coming to work on time?" 15

Assertiveness Passive Behavior –Denying your own rights –"I'm wrong, you're right." Aggressive Behavior –Infringing on the rights of others –"I'm right, you're wrong." Assertive Behavior –Simple, straight-forward expression of one's beliefs, feelings, and opinions –"I believe that each of us has a lot to offer here." 16

A Personal Bill of Rights for Women with SCI I have the right... –to dignity and self-respect –to have my needs met –to determine my own lifestyle (beyond survival) –to change my mind –to ask for what I want –to feel good about myself 17

A Personal Bill of Rights for Women with SCI I have the right... –to be proud of my disability –to receive accommodation in public places –to have my needs be as important as those of others –to ask for information –to decline assistance from others –to choose not to assert myself –to make mistakes and be responsible for them 18

Tips for Learning to Say NO Start your answer with the word "no" Speak in a firm voice Keep your answer short and clear Do not send double messages Remember that you have the right to say no 19

Tips for Learning to Say NO Practice Be prepared Do not say no when there is a valid reason to say yes Do not say no when you want to say yes 20

What Would You Say? 1. Imagine you came home from work, and you are especially tired and need to relax. Your friend calls you and wants you to go shopping with her. You respond:______________________________________________________________________ 21

Relaxation Exercise Visualization Relaxation 22

ACTION PLAN Goal This week I will How much or how long When How many times during the week How confident you are (1-10) 23

This Week You Will: Review the materials we talked about today. Complete the “What would you say?” exercise Complete the goal setting and action planning forms. Work on your action plan throughout the week. 24