Wolcott High School School Counseling Department

  What’s the line between friend and disciplinarian?  How can I engage and encourage my student while I still have some concerns on my mind?  Why do they shut me down every time I try to talk about important things?  Parenting is tough

  Every student is different  Each student is facing unique challenges  That we don’t know everything  That you know your child best We Know…

  Please write down a concern you have for communicating with your student  We may not be able to speak specifically to your student, but we do have some data about students and communication in general.  Based on the National PTA suggestions, we have Ten Tips to possibly help open communication between you and your child So how can we help you?

  When your child actually does want to talk, try to stop what your doing and give them your full attention.  Try to avoid jumping in until they have completely vented everything out…easier said than done, we know.  Sometimes they just want to talk and not have it fixed (they feel more empowered when they solve the problem themselves)  Try reflecting what they said so that they know you are listening and that they are being heard correctly.  Tip 1: Listen

  Let them know 2 or 3 options (and possibly consequences) they can choose from  Let them come up with different possibilities to the problem  This helps make the conversation a two way street rather than a power struggle  Often they are able to work out solutions for themselves but just need to vocalize everything first Tip 2: There is power in choice

  Once again, easier said than done  They are listening, even if you think its just a small passing remark  Try softening strong reactions or taking a time out before addressing the problem Tip 3: Avoid saying things out of anger

  When a child confides in you, try to encourage them with the fact that they did talk to you about an issue  Its difficult to admit mistakes and it’s even harder to tell it to a parent and feel like a disappointment  Validate their emotions, even if you disagree  Tip 4: Be a source of encouragement

  Try putting yourself in your child’s shoes and see the problem from their point of view  Think about how difficult the conversation may be for your child and take time to think before you react  Possibly have a safe place where they can tell you what’s happening that won’t embarrass or feel on the defensive  The car  Dinner Tip 5: Make your conversations places of comfort

  Try not to take over the conversation and allow your child to respond  Adolescents may feel like they are disappointing you and not open up if they don’t have the “right” answers to share  When needing to discuss a disciplinary issues, try addressing the behavior or action and not the child Tip 6: Avoid the drill routine or 20?s

  Randomly follow up on a previous conversation or subject of interest  This helps them to know that you listened and care  Try telling them something that has happened in your day to start a conversation Tip 7: Make a point of being an initiator

  We all have busy schedules, but taking the time to spend it with your child during the week is important too.  Monthly game nights where they can even invite a friend  Watching a movie together  Learning something new together  Shopping  Play a sport together  Helping with homework  w=detail&mid=F85E51295FA7B506EF53F85E51295FA7B506EF53 w=detail&mid=F85E51295FA7B506EF53F85E51295FA7B506EF53 Tip 8: Take time to share

  Sometimes admitting that you are human and make mistakes goes a long way in building that relationship. Tip 9: Apologize when you are wrong

  Tell them that you love them  Teens are still trying to figure out what love is and what it looks like…sometimes if you don’t say it overtly they don’t think its there  Show your child that you love them for them, not just when things are going well Tip 10: Love them

  What you probably don’t enjoy talking about, they probably like even less  Students often model what they see  How you express yourself or start a conversation often affects how they will reply The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

  Scenario from parent concerns  Discuss with your group possible solutions or ways to talk about it with you child How can you help each other?