The Social Psychology of Attraction: why do we befriend or fall in love with some people but not others?

What brings people together? According to social psychologists, there are three major factors: 1. Proximity 2. Physical attractiveness 3. Similarity

Factor #1: Proximity We tend to develop relationships (both romantic and platonic) with people close to us geographically: same neighborhood, sit nearby in class, work in the same office, share the same parking lot, or eat in the same dining hall. Mere exposure effect: repeated exposure to a stimuli increases our liking of it; familiarity breeds fondness. Moreland and Beach study (1992) DeBruine study (2004) The evolutionary/adaptive reason: what was familiar was generally safe and approachable. Gut-level prejudice against those who are different may be a primitive, automatic, emotional response- it’s what we do with our knee-jerk prejudice that matters- do we let it control our behavior, or do we consciously monitor our feelings and act in ways that reflect our conscious valuing of equality?

Bailenson study (2005)

What about the web? Internet-based friendships and romantic relationships are more likely to last beyond 2 years than those originated in person.

Factor #2: Physical attractiveness Hatfield’s University of Minnesota “Welcome Week” dance study (1966) Appearance is the first filter we use to sort out people. Attractive people are judged by others as happier, healthier, and more successful. Babies even prefer attractive faces! However, attractiveness doesn’t reliably predict how happy or high a person’s self esteem is. Standards of beauty change with the times and culture: nose piercings, foot binding, neck lengthening in Thailand and Burma, etc.

Different standards of beauty vary by culture

What’s attractive? Icons of the 50s, 70s, and today

A few other thoughts… Americans spend more on beauty supplies than on education and social services combined. 12 million cosmetic surgeries a year. More and more people feel unhappy about their appearance.

An evolutionary perspective: Reproductive Value The field of evolutionary psychology focuses on how human behavior leads to the preservation of our species. Therefore, it should be no surprise that this field takes the position that what we find attractive is fundamentally connected to fertility. A landmark study was done, analyzing the average age of Playboy models, who of course are chosen solely for their physical attractiveness. Here is what that study found: The peak age of fertility for women is 21-22 yrs old. The average age of Playboy models: 21.3 years old. Also, men tend to marry younger women: 1st marriage: 3 yr difference 2nd marriage: 5 yr difference 3rd marriage: 8 yr difference Adolescent males prefer women who are slightly older. Female fertility declines rapidly with age Waist to hip ratio for healthy and fertile women: .67-.80; the lower the more fertile.

Factor #3: Similarity Research shows that “birds of a feather do tend to flock together!” Friends and couples tend to share common attitudes, beliefs, and interests (in addition to age, religion, race, education, intelligence, economic status, etc.); though there are certainly exceptions! Walter Lippmann: Love is best sustained when “lovers love many things together, and not merely each other.”

A few other interesting theories and details… … do you think that these theories hold up in the real world?

Reward theory of attraction We continue relationships that offer more rewards than costs When a person is close in proximity, it costs less time and effort to develop the relationship and enjoy its benefits; attractive people are aesthetically pleasing and associating with them is socially rewarding; those with similar views reward us by validating our own.

Reciprocal liking We tend to like those better who also like us back. We feel better about ourselves when we know that we are likable. When we feel good when we are around somebody, we tend to report a higher level of attraction toward that person.

Matching Hypothesis People tend to pick partners who are about equal in level of attractiveness to themselves.

Parental investment theory Men tend to be more interested in their partners’ youthfulness and physical attractiveness (reproductive value) Women, on the other hand, tend to value partners’ social status, wealth, and ambition, because these are characteristics of men who can successfully provide for offspring. Rent this film for a great example of this: “The Queen of Versailles”

The evolution of romantic love Passionate love: aroused state of intense positive absorption in another, at the beginning of a love relationship Over time, passionate love becomes companionate love: the deep affectionate attachment we feel for those with whom our lives are intertwined. Keys: equity, self-disclosure. Click on this to learn about the Dutton/Aron study: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misattribution_of_arousal

Additional links (if you want to learn more!) Friendship: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200611/friendship-the-laws-attraction The psychology of flirting: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199303/the-biology-attraction Participate in two online studies on facial attractiveness: http://www.uni-saarland.de/fak5/ronald/online/online_e.htm http://www.faceresearch.org/ What do men and women really want? Read about a study involving “speed dating:” http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2007-09/iu-cam083007.php The impact of pretty faces on the brain: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/1590847.stm The Neuroscience of New Love: What does the brain look like when someone is newly in love? http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/31/health/psychology/31love.html?ex=1275192000&en=969db0c21c58c4fb&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss