LISTENING

Kunst entered the induction station shortly after seven? His Wife was blond? His friend was Male? Kunst was refusing to report for induction? The sergeant’s name was Cortez? The refusal Process took less than three minutes? Kunst’s wife had a Ban-the-Bomb emblem pinned to her dress? Kunst refused to sign the papers?

Kunst entered the induction station shortly after seven? [F] His Wife was blond? [?] His friend was Male? [?] Kunst was refusing to report for induction? [T] The sergeant’s name was Cortez? [?] The refusal Process took less than three minutes? [T] Kunst’s wife had a Ban-the-Bomb emblem pinned to her dress? [?] Kunst refused to sign the papers? [T]

Listening Totally “We don’t listen with just our ears, but also with our eyes and sense of touch, with our minds, hearts, and imaginations. Total listening is more than attending to another person's words. It is also listening to the meanings that are buried in the words and between the words and in the silences in communication.” –Gerald Egan, “Listening as empathic support” (1973)

MARK “My girlfriend amazes me. We’ll have a conversation, and then later one of us will bring it up again. What I remember is what we decided in the talk. She remembers that too, but she also remembers all the details about where we were and what was going on in background and particular things one of us said in the conversation. I never notice all that stuff, and I sure don’t remember it later.”

ABBIE “My boyfriend drives me crazy. He never listens, I mean really listens, to what I’m saying. Yesterday I said to him that I was having trouble with my parents about wanting me to come to summer school. Before I could even explain what the trouble was, he said, ‘Yeah, they get real tight when you want them to pay for summer session. I’ve been through that one. Just keep at them and they’ll come around.’ Money wasn’t the reason.”

RENEE Pseudolistening should be in the training manual for flight attendants. I had that job for six years, and you wouldn’t believe the kinds of things passengers told me about--everything from love affairs to family problems. At first I tried to listen, because I wanted to be a good attendant. After a year, though, I learned just to appear to be listening.”

GREG “I’ve been a salesman for a long time, and I know when clients are really interested in when they’re not. When someone answers a phone when I’m in his or her office, I know he or she is not really focused on what I’m saying. Taking calls or leaving the door open for people to drop in communicates that they’re not interested in me or the service I represent.”

LOGAN “I hate the term constructive criticism. Every time my dad says it, what follows is a put-down. By now I’ve learned not to go to him when I have problems or when I’m worried about something in my life. He always judges what I’m feeling and tells me what I ought to feel and do. All that does is make me feel worse than I did before..”

LISTEN TO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM LISTEN TO YOU