1 Understanding the Family Matching Process

Western Tradition: Romantic Love Traditional Arranged Marriage Least successful basis for marriage in history Separation of sexual love from responsibility and consequences Free sex  selfish love Many BCs- seduced by their environment Motivation: position, status, $, selfish gain, narrow interests Unhappy marriages, male dominance, abuse, double standards

4 Value of Cheon Il Guk Matching Under True Parents’ Guidance and Authority Under True Parents’ Guidance and Authority Requires Absolute Faith / Immediate Spiritual Method Requires Absolute Faith / Immediate Spiritual Method Ownership of Your Faith / Matching Decision Ownership of Your Faith / Matching Decision Purpose of CIG Matching & Blessing- Establish Original Standard: faith/purityPurpose of CIG Matching & Blessing- Establish Original Standard: faith/purity RECOMMENDED REQUIREMENTS:  Family culture of Absolute Faith (unconditional acceptance, trust & purity)  Inspired to build love on Vertical Foundation (no romantic illusions)  Not out of parents’ or candidate’s desperation/ lack of confidence

TRUE PARENTS’ MATCHING: Cheon Il Guk Standard Recreation of Garden of Eden 1.Absolute faith (accept TP’s match w/o question) 2.Absolute purity 3.Beyond nation & race- one family 4.Perfect health 5.Public life, conditions of sincerity “TEXTBOOK” of Original Standard for Blessed Families

TRUE PARENTS’ GRACE: Embrace Everyone First Take Responsibility for All Blessed Families 2004:Path for Fallen BCs  TP’s Matching :Special Amnesty  CIG Standard :Special Grace  “Textbook” Couples Foundation Day: Grace and Renewal for All 1) True Parents’ Special Grace 2) “Getting Back on Track” Process

“You may be thinking, ‘It is only Father who can do the Matching, not us,’ however that is not so. You are all able to do the Matching, because God, who is supporting me, is also supporting you, just the same.” Father PARENTS’ MATCHING: Bequeathing True Parents’ Tradition

8 Value of Parents’ Matching Closer to original Principle (Not by Distant Authority) Closer to original Principle (Not by Distant Authority) God works as powerfully as with TP’s (but differently) God works as powerfully as with TP’s (but differently) My experience: New Dimension of Relationship w/ God My experience: New Dimension of Relationship w/ God Despite CIG Matching, TF did not remove Parents’ Authority [Wouldn’t Intervene]Despite CIG Matching, TF did not remove Parents’ Authority [Wouldn’t Intervene] UNIQUE STRENGTHS AND BENEFITS:  Blessed Family’s Standard & Unity [4 GRH]  Husband   Wife Relationship  Parents   [Family   Family] Relationship  Time, relationship, Couple’s ownership of decision

New International Matching Guidelines Creating a Legacy of Love

New International Matching Guidelines

Overview of Family Matching Process And Guidelines Important Policies: 1.Parent-centered process 2.Respecting candidate’s input 3.One family at a time 4.Clear, distinct stages 5.Couple’s ownership of their matching decision 6.Full disclosure & family ownership 7.Trained, certified Matching Advisors

Family Matching Handbook Creating a Legacy of Love

OVERVIEW OF PARENTS’ MATCHING PROCESS AND GUIDELINES Recommended Stages of Matching Process I. Preparation II. The Matching Process III. Becoming a Couple

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS I. Preparation Stage 1.Parents’ spiritual & educational preparation 2.Candidate qualification & preparation

How do I know I’m Ready? Subjective Factors Faith Motivation Maturity Capacity to Love Self- Identity and Value Objective Factors Age Healthy spiritual life [serve, tithe, pray, connect…] Life plan- school, career, goals, $, etc. Social & relational skills Application process Purity Interview

OVERVIEW OF PARENTS’ MATCHING PROCESS AND GUIDELINES Recommended Qualifications for Candidate 1.Minimum 18 to begin process; is better! 2.DP Education to 7-Day level; deeper is better! 3.Completion of application process by candidate 4.Completion of purity interview 5.Complete Blessing Workshop (3 levels)

3 Levels of Blessing Education I.“Ideal of the Blessing” [Age 16 and Above] II.“Becoming an Ideal Partner” [Age 18 and Above] III.“Start Smart” for Couples [For Matched Couples] Each participatory, interactive program contains: -Meaning of the Blessing [Vertical, religious dimension] -Individual maturity & preparation [1 st Realm of the Heart] -Healthy relationships[2 nd Realm of the Heart] -Clear next steps and personal plan Being developed as workshop & small-group study manuals- Online?

Online Application Process for Matching and Blessing

A Clear, Coordinated Application Process I.Before beginning the matching process [District level] A. Candidate information B. Family and church information C. History and qualification D. Candidate profile E. Health report F. Interview and disclosure G. Photos II.After concluding a match [National BFM] A. Submit matching report B. Update and submit all documents III.At the time of the Blessing A. 1-page registration for the Blessing event

3 Levels of Blessing Education On the foundation of DP, spiritual and character education 1.General Blessing Education- [16 years & older]  Value of the Blessing  Before finding the right person, BE the right person  Dating? Love vs infatuation, purity, how to prepare… 2.Matching Preparation [18 years & older]  For those entering matching process  Am I ready? Character, social skills, faith  The value of Lineage  Heart & process of matching, making a family plan, etc. 3.Matched Couples’ Workshop  “Betrothed” (promised) brother & sister (best friends)  Building trust & intimacy from inside  out  Relationships, communication, male-female differences…  Blessed Family Life; I-deal Year

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS I. Preparation Stage 1.Parent’s spiritual & educational preparation 2.Candidate qualification & preparation 3.Developing a Family Matching Plan (w/ child) 4.Practical and financial preparation

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS II. Matching Stage 1.Finding candidates

TRUE PARENTS’ MATCHING: 2001  TP Bequeathed Authority to BCFs “The vertical connection is eternal and therefore more important than the horizontal, which is temporal. That is why parents must be a part of the choosing of the mate. This doesn’t mean that parents should arbitrarily choose partners for their children, but rather the parents should intervene, representing heaven, in order to ensure the harmony of the vertical and horizontal relationship. This is the meaning of the Blessing.”Father

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS II. Matching Stage 1.Finding candidates 2.Selecting one candidate & family to consider 3.Recommending a candidate to your child 4.Couple’s communication period (freedom) 5.Finalizing a match (or re-start process)

STAGES OF THE MATCHING PROCESS III. Becoming a Couple 1.Plan commitment ceremony 2.Hold commitment ceremony, report match 3.Growing as couple w/ parents’ support (object.) 4.Participate in Blessing Ceremony

For 1 st Generation:

Family Matching Handbook Introduction……………………………..……. 2 True Parents’ & True Family’s Guidance…. 5 The Significance of the Marriage Blessing.. 8 Overview of the Matching Process & Guidelines 10 Preparing for the Matching Process………..12 The Matching Process……………………….20 International Matching………………………..33 Unificationists who Joined as Children…….. 39

Family Matching Handbook Resources and Reference Materials……….43 Appendix 1: Matching Plan Worksheet……. 46 Appendix 2: Questions for Parents………… 50 Appendix 3: Questions for Candidates..…… 52 Appendix 4: Role of Matching Advisors…… 54 Appendix 5: Commitment Ceremony Ideas.. 56 Appendix 6: Contact Information…………… 58 Appendix 7: Blessing Fees………………….. 61 Matching Website Tutorials……………..Supplement

Matching Handbook Highlights P. 13- Unity- the MOST important Sp. Condition P. 15- How do I know I am ready? P. 18- Developing a Family Matching Plan P. 20- Finding potential matching candidates P. 22- Identifying & recommending a candidate P. 26- Building a Relationship / Reaching Decision P. 28- Physical closeness: what is appropriate? P. 30- Value of a Commitment Ceremony P. 31- The “I-deal Year”

Matching Handbook Highlights 2 nd Edition- What’s New! Family Matching Plan Worksheet New section for candidates who joined when they were young (with their parents) Orientation to the matching webtools Value of the Matching Advisors ALL sections updated, rewritten & improved

T HE “I-D EAL ” Y EAR Our Promise to Seek Help with Challenges in Our Blessing Blessed Family Ministry, Unification Church- USA Any relationship between a man and woman, no matter how loving, committed and deep it may be, will face challenges and difficulties. God designed men and women as complementary opposites; we love differently, and experience love differently. Of course, the best way to maintain a strong marriage is to live a healthy spiritual life as part of a supportive community. But it is normal and natural for any relationship to face times of crisis. Our National President and Senior Pastor, Rev. In Jin Moon, explains that creating an ideal family means I “deal” with the challenges inherent in family relationships. When such painful times arise, the strength of your eternal commitment is of course important. However when you feel overwhelmed, it is smart and healthy to get help. If you cannot find the way to resolve your struggle, it is not acceptable to simply withdraw and avoid, drift into non-communication, or seek comfort in unhealthy ways. It is important to report your situation honestly, not only to a friend, but also to a trusted mentor, counselor, or Blessed Family Department representative. The BFM is committed to providing a network of support and guidance that can assist you confidentially and professionally.

The “I-deal Year” is a commitment to invest at least one year in a guided and supported process to heal and renew. This is a minimum requirement for any Blessed Couple, before concluding that your marriage has no future. By signing this form, your couple is making the following promises: We promise to maintain an eternal commitment to our Blessing We promise to report to the BFM if troubles arise We promise to invest in our “I-deal Year” _________________________________ Groom’s Name [Print] Groom’s Signature_________________________________ Bride’s Name [Print] Bride’s Signature _________________________________ Date

Matching Advisors

Family Matching Handbook Marriage and Family Resources Thank You!