1 Listening Actively: The Receiver’s Challenge "Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk." - Doug Larson

2 Works Cited Brownell, Judi Listening: The toughest management skill. The Cornell H.R.A. Quarterly, February 1987: Brownell, Judi Listening: The toughest management skill. The Cornell H.R.A. Quarterly, February 1987: Decker, Bert You’ve got to be believed to be heard: Reach the first brain to communicate in business and life. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press. Decker, Bert You’ve got to be believed to be heard: Reach the first brain to communicate in business and life. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press. Decker, Bert The art of communicating: Achieving interpersonal impact in business. Revised edition. Menlo Park, CA: Crisp Learning. Decker, Bert The art of communicating: Achieving interpersonal impact in business. Revised edition. Menlo Park, CA: Crisp Learning. : Listening. Accessed 10/31/03. : Listening. Accessed 10/31/03.

3 Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication Concepts : Concepts : –Rapport –Non-Verbal Messages –Asking Good Questions –Sincere Paraphrasing –Active Listening

4 Rapport Being in sync with other people, verbally and non-verbally, so they are comfortable and have trust and confidence in you

5 Non-Verbal Messages “What you do speaks so loud I can’t hear what you say.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

6 Non-Verbal Messages Bert Decker’s book is titled “You’ve got to be believed to be heard” for a reason! Bert Decker’s book is titled “You’ve got to be believed to be heard” for a reason! He discusses two factors He discusses two factors –The Eye Factor –The Energy Factor What people see What people see

7 Non-Verbal Messages Eye Factor Eye Factor –Eye Communication –Posture and Movement –Dress and Appearance –Gestures and Smile

8 Non-Verbal Messages Energy Factor Energy Factor –Voice and Vocal Clarity –Words and Non-Words –Listener Involvement –Humor

9 Asking Good Questions Show sincere interest Show sincere interest Deliver questions with “life” Deliver questions with “life” Types of questions: Types of questions: –Positive questions(The way you ask) –Behavioral questions(How would you…) –Situational questions(In this situation…) –Probing questions(Elaborate/clarify)

10 Sincere Paraphrasing This is NOT “What I hear you saying is…” This is NOT “What I hear you saying is…” State in your own words your understanding of what another person says or feels State in your own words your understanding of what another person says or feels –You feel that… –You mean that… –You think that… –As I understand it… Your Goal: “I hear, I understand, I care” Your Goal: “I hear, I understand, I care”

11 Active Listening Be engaged Be engaged Truly hear and process the message Truly hear and process the message Avoid distractions Avoid distractions

12 Listening in General The most challenging of all communication skills The most challenging of all communication skills –Requires focus –Requires practice Different degrees Different degrees –Passive at one end of the scale –Deeply involved – “Active Listening” – at the other Different Ways Different Ways –Fact (Discussion or Debate) –Feeling (Debate or Dialogue)

13 Maslow’s Four Stages of Learning Unconscious Incompetence Unconscious Incompetence We don ’ t know what we don ’ t know Conscious Incompetence Conscious Incompetence We know what we don ’ t know Conscious Competence Conscious Competence We work at what we don ’ t know Unconscious Competence Unconscious Competence We don ’ t have to think about knowing it

14 The Typical Executive Spends 80% of his or her time communicating Spends 80% of his or her time communicating Of that time: Of that time: –Listening45% –Speaking30% –Reading16% –Writing 9%

15 Listening Capacity We use only about ¼ of our listening capacity We use only about ¼ of our listening capacity Listening capacity is difficult to measure Listening capacity is difficult to measure Even without using quantifiable measures, what if each of us doubled our individual listening capacity? Even without using quantifiable measures, what if each of us doubled our individual listening capacity?

16 Brownell’s Model HURIED HURIED –Hearing –Understanding –Remembering –Interpreting –Evaluating

17 H earing Essential Actions: Essential Actions: –Concentrate on what the speaker is saying –Allow the entire message to be delivered without interruption Be comfortable with silence Be comfortable with silence Avoid Distractions Avoid Distractions “It’s about them, not you!” “It’s about them, not you!”

18 Something to ponder… Speaking: words per minute Speaking: words per minute We can process aural information at a rate of up to 700 words per minute We can process aural information at a rate of up to 700 words per minute On average, we listen three times faster than most people talk On average, we listen three times faster than most people talk What can we do with that unused mental time? What can we do with that unused mental time? Listening: The Toughest Management Skill, pg

19 In Closing… “The most important thing in communication in communication is to hear what isn't being said.” Peter F. Drucker Peter F. Drucker