6: Inter-Act, 13th Edition Relationships

Relationship – a set of expectations two people have for their behavior based on the pattern of interaction between them Good relationship – interactions are satisfying to and healthy for those involved

Abusive relationship – interactions are physically, mentally, or emotionally harmful

Functions of Relationships Constitutive function – Relationships come about through interactions Instrumental function – Communication is a way to “get things done” in the relationship Indexical function – The “thermometer” of a relationship; measures who is in control, how much partners trust each other, and the level of intimacy in the relationship

Describing Relationships Relationships vary in intensity Impersonal relationship – based on filling a role or satisfying an immediate need Personal relationship – people care about each other, share large amounts of information with each other, and meet each other’s interpersonal needs Voluntary, involuntary Platonic vs. romantic

Types of Relationships Acquaintances – people we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises, but with whom our interactions are limited Friends – people with whom we have voluntarily negotiated more personal relationships Close friends or intimates – those with whom we share a deep commitment, trust, interdependence, disclosure, and affection

Gender Differences Women develop close friendships through: Talking Disclosing personal history Sharing personal feelings Joint activities Doing favors for each other Successive tests of dependability

Dimensions of Relationships Interdependence Depth Breadth Commitment Understanding and Predictability Communication Coding Sharing Social Networks As dimensions increase, relationships develop; as they decrease, relationships deteriorate.

Johari Window Known to self Not known to self Open Blind Known to others Secret Unknown Not known to others V / V, ch.3

Social Penetration Theory Self-disclosure is integral to all stages of relationships, but changes over time. The nature and type of self-disclosure change as people become more intimate. When disclosure is reciprocated, the relationship becomes intimate.

Self-Disclosure Guidelines Disclose information that you want others to disclose to you. Disclose information appropriate for the type of relationship. Disclose intimate information only when it represents an acceptable risk. Be sensitive to your partner’s ability to absorb your disclosure. Reserve intimate or very personal disclosures for ongoing relationships. Continue intimate self-disclosure only when it is reciprocated.

Self-Disclosure Online Lack of social cues produces ineffective self-disclosure and miscommunication. Media Richness Theory: Richer media provide more social cues to reproduce the intended meaning of the message. Posters Letters Email Texting Facebook Telephone Skype Face-to-Face

Changing Relationships Relationships move through identifiable stages. Turning points: Events that mark a transition from one stage to another Lead to greater intimacy or to deterioration of relationship Happen at all stages in a relationship

Relationship Stages Beginning Developing Sustaining Declining

Beginning Relationships During the first stage of a relationship, communication focuses on: Increasing knowledge of the other Reducing uncertainty Increasing interaction

Predicted Outcome Value Theory Early in the relationship, we gather information to predict whether the benefits of future interactions will outweigh the costs. 3 stages of beginning relationships: Entry Personal Exit

Developing Relationships Increasing disclosure Keeping a relationship at a particular level of closeness or intimacy Frequent communication Emerging interdependence

Interpersonal Needs Theory Relationship depends on how well each person meets the interpersonal needs of the other. Three basic interpersonal needs: Affection Inclusion Control

Exchange Theory Relationships understood in terms of exchange of rewards and costs during interactions Cost/Reward ratio Rewards – needs met Costs – time and energy spent developing relationship Relationships develop and are sustained when partners choose to meet each other’s needs.

Sustaining Relationships Use pro-social behaviors. Observe ceremonial occasions. Spend time together as a couple and with mutual friends. Communicate frequently. Words and actions reassure continuing affection, discretion, trustworthiness. Share tasks.

Relational Dialectics Autonomy/Connection I need my own space. I want to be close. Openness/Closedness I like sharing so There are some much with you. things I don’t want to talk about. Novelty/Predictability We need to do I like the familiar something new. rhythms we have.

Managing Dialectical Tensions Temporal selection Topical segmentation Neutralization Reframing

Declining Relationships The communication in declining relationships is marked by three stages: Recognition of dissatisfaction Process of repairing or disengaging from relationship Ending

Relationship Termination Strategies Manipulation/Withdrawal/Avoidance – blaming others, or indirectly failing to take responsibility for ending the relationship (-) Direct/Open/Honest – clearly, respectfully communicating desire to end relationship, sensitive to resulting emotions (+) Relationship Transformation – continuing the relationship on different terms (+)