The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy Boundaries “Good Fences Make Good Neighbors” Robert Frost

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy © How do You Define Boundaries? © How do you react to someone who wants your time, love, energy, or money? © Where Do You Struggle the Most in this Area? Ponderings:

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy I. What Are Boundaries? A. Fences

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy I. What Are Boundaries? B. Responsibility/Ownership My Feelings My Attitudes & Beliefs My Behaviors My Choices My Values My Limits My Talents My Thoughts My Desires My Love

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy I. What Are Boundaries? C. Self-Control- Influencing Control over What I am Responsible For Ownership and Freedom In the simplest sense, a boundary is a property line. It denotes the beginning and the end of something. In the physical world, boundaries are often easy to see – fences, walls, signs, hedges, or sometimes only a slightly different appearance of the lawn. All this signs indicate the borderline of someone’s property. Within these boundaries, the owner is fully responsible for the property, while others are not.

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy Boundaries are the personal property lines which define who we are, what we are responsible for, and where we have limits and limitations. Having clear boundaries is essential for a healthy, balanced lifestyle as well as for spiritual growth and for our ability to give and receive love. Yet many Christians lack boundaries because they fear being selfish and unloving.

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy In Contrast… What a boundary is not? an excuse for doing what they want or for not helping others as limits they set on other people as walls for avoiding close relationships between them and others as their private zone from where they want to exclude everyone else, as a means for fixing or changing their spouse, children, and others, as an ultimatum, a means to control others through un-proportional consequences as a punishment for misbehavior People who understand boundaries in this way, use the expression “setting boundaries” just as an excuse for selfishness and an unwillingness to submit to God or anybody else. But that is not what boundaries are. In fact, the meaning of the term “boundaries” has been twisted by the world so much that Christians have become afraid of using it – just because they don’t know the original meaning of the word anymore. It is the same with the word “love”, which often is confused with selfish desire or lust, or at least with sentimentality.

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy II. What Is The Purpose of Boundaries? A. A. Benefits of Boundaries 1. Protection of Self/Self-Care Phil. 2:4- “Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.” 2. Growth- Making Spiritual Growth Possible 3. Self-Care… So that We Can Care 4. Relationship Building… Safety

How Healthy Boundaries Build Relationships

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy B. Problems with Poor Boundaries  Burnout of Self - Soul  Relationship Destruction- by avoiding and hurting true relationship (which breeds anger)  Stunted Growth- in Self & Others  Control of Others

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy Signs of Ignored Boundaries  Enmeshment  Disassociation  Excessive Detachment  Victimhood or Martyrdom  Chip on the Shoulder  Invisibility  Cold & Distant  Smothering  Lack of Privacy

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy III. The Biblical Basis for Boundaries A. Genesis: A Mandate with Responsibility (Genesis 1:28) “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.” God gave us responsibility for certain tasks. And part of this responsibility is knowing what is our job, and what is not.

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy B. Galatians 6:2-5 Boulders Vs. Backpacks Boulder (“Baros”) = an extraordinary heavy weight- and unusually severe burden- a weight that will destroy me is I don’t get help

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy Backpack (“phortion”) = A daily pack- a normal ship’s cargo- can readily carry by myself- won’t destroy me

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy C. Character of God Made in His Image… 3 distinct persons… Created in the Image of God God defines himself as distinct being, separate from his creation and from us. He clearly says what he is and what he is not. For instance, God is love (1. John 4:16) and not darkness (1. John 1:6). He cannot tolerate sin but invites people, who love him, into his kingdom.

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy D. The Role Model of Jesus… He Took Care of Himself 1. Luke 2:49 “Didn’t you know I would be in my Father’s House?” 2. Luke 5:15-16 “Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy 3. John 10:10 “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full.” 4. Mark 1:35-39 “The next morning Jesus awoke long before daybreak and went out alone into the wilderness to pray. Later Simon and the others went out to find him. They said, "Everyone is asking for you." But he replied, "We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too, because that is why I came." So he traveled throughout the region of Galilee, preaching in the synagogues and expelling demons from many people.

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy IV. How To Love Your Neighbor Without Making yourself Crazy A. Get Clear Boundaries for Yourself- Take Care of Yourself B. Stop Confusing Enmeshment, Care- taking, or Control as “Loving”… or Saying “No” as Mean or Unloving C. Live With Limits- and Enforce those on Others D. Speak the Truth- It Always Clears Up Boundaries E. Be Active- Not Passive F. Allow Reaping What is Sown- Enforce Consequences for Behaviors and Allow Them to Discipline Others G. Respect- learn to respect others' boundaries and freedom.

The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy 1. Can you set limits and still be a loving person? 2. How can you set limits without being selfish? 3. What if somebody is upset or hurt by your boundaries? 4. Why do some (or you) feel guilty or afraid when you consider setting boundaries? 5. How are (your) boundaries preventing your growth or another’s? 6. Where do your boundaries need establishing, mending or reinforcing?