Module Nine: Emotional Communication (Conversation) 8- 1

Talk to Your Neighbour  Discuss how you think you will do on the next test in this class – and why you think you’ll get the mark you think you will  Complete Test Yourself in your EZ Guide 8- 2

Body, Mind, and Culture in Emotions Emotions involve at least three parts: Body – Most obvious reactions; blushing, sweating palms, smiling. Mind – Involves evaluations and interpretations  Evaluations of what happens have greater influence than what actually happens Culture – Framework both for interpreting emotions and expressing emotions; saving face, revealing true feelings. 8 -3

Principles of Emotional Conversation Emotions are always important. not the same as expressions. communicated verbally and nonverbally. good and bad. contagious. 8 -4

Obstacles in Communicating Emotions Social rules and customs Training early in life when boys are taught not to cry and girls are encouraged to express emotions openly Fear of exposing weakness Being vulnerable for attack and may lead to conflict Inadequate interpersonal skills Many people cannot effectively communicate their feelings. 8 -5

Guidelines for Communicating Emotions Intrapersonal Tasks Understand your emotions. Decide if you wish to express your feelings. Assess your communication options. Tasks for Expression Describe your feelings. Identify the reasons for your feelings. Anchor your feelings to the present. Own your own feelings. 8 -6

Anger Communication  Get ready to communicate calmly and logically.  Examine your communication options.  Consider the advantages of delaying the expression of anger.  Remember that different cultures have different norms for what is and what is not appropriate to display.  Apply the relevant skills of interpersonal communication.  Recall the irreversibility of communication. 8 -7

The Conversation Process: Conversation Methods  Opening: “Hi! What’s going on?”  Feedforward: “I hate to bother you, but...”  Business: “I’ve just found a new way to import a file.”  Feedback: “So, you may want to try it.”  Closing: “Got to go...” 8 -8

Step One: Opening  Can tell others that you’re accessible  Can reveal important information about the relationship between yourself and the other person  Helps maintain the relationship  Is generally consistent in tone with the main part of the conversation 8- 9

Step Two: Feedforward Open the channels of communication Preview future messages Altercast – places receiver in specific role Disclaimer – ensures your message is understood and will not reflect negatively on you 8- 10

Step Three: Business  Exchange of speaker and listener roles  Goal-directed  Cultural taboos  Learn, relate, influence, play, help – the purpose of the conversation 8- 11

Step Four: Feedback  Positive or negative  Person focused or message focused  Immediate or delayed  Low monitored (spontaneous, honest) or high monitored (constructed for specific purpose)  Supportive or critical 8- 12

Step Five: Closing  Signals the end of access  May signal some degree of supportiveness  May summarize the interaction  May be verbal, nonverbal, or a combination of both 8- 13

How to Improve Conversations Use openings that are sensitive Use openers that acknowledge the listener Avoid using overly long feed forwards Use feed forward before a shocking message Do business with the normally expected greetings Give feedback Use an appropriate closing Give clear closure 8- 14

Opening a Conversation: Make references to:  Self  Others  Relationship  Context Two general rules: 1. Be positive 2. Disclose appropriately 8- 15

The Principle of Cooperation Four conversational rules: Quantity – only use info needed, omit the rest Quality – be truthful Relation – talk about what’s relevant to conversation Manner – use terms listener will understand; omit or clarify terms you think they won’t understand Agree that you will cooperate in trying to understand each other

Conversational Rules and Culture  Preserve peaceful relationships with others (Japan)  Avoid taking credit for some accomplishment, or make less of some ability or talent you have (China)  Be polite (universal) 8- 17

Closing Conversations  Reflect back on the conversation and briefly summarize it  State the desire to end the conversation directly  Refer to future interaction  Ask for closure  Say that you enjoyed the interaction  Leave-taking cues

General Conversational Skills  Mindfulness – aware of your reasons; be open  Flexibility – vary messages – for different situations  Cultural sensitivity – acknowledge cultural differences  Metacommunication – verbal/nonverbal 8- 19

Skills for Conversational Effectiveness  Openness: self disclose, listen, react honestly  Empathy: feel what they feel  Positiveness  Immediacy: convey a sense of interest and attention, a linking with the other person  Interaction management: satisfying to both parties  Expressiveness: vocals, gestures, cultures, feedback  Other-orientation: adapt to the other person 8- 20

Computer Conversation  Watch your spelling  Remember that what you write may become public  Follow the rules of netiquette  Clean up your writing  Be explicit in your good intentions  Follow the general rules for interpersonal communication 8- 21

 Complete Check Your Ability in your EZ Guide 8- 22

Using Conversation Stack:  Have a conversation 8- 23

 Ensure you have read Part II in “How To Win…”  Complete Journals