Creating Space for Others to Grow and Heal Ephesians 4:29

Be a church that is great at relationships.

I will try to walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should.

Each individual is open and vulnerable.... When a relationship is emotionally safe, the partners trust each other and routinely give each other the benefit of the doubt in questionable situations. When emotional safety is lost, the partners are inclined to be distrustful, looking for possible hidden meanings and potential threats in each other's words and behaviors. -Wikipedia

Who is someone who has created a safe space for you to grow or heal? What did that look like? SAFE PEOPLE

Think of times when you have not felt free to be open and vulnerable with another person. What made it feel unsafe?

Is it possible for a well-intentioned, loving person to make others feel unsafe? Is it possible for a person to make another person feel unsafe without realizing it? Have you ever made other people feel unsafe? (If you answered no, then you really need to pay attention to this series for the next 2 months. You’re clueless!)

1. Gossip 2. Defensiveness 3. Blame 4. Judging motives 5. Taking offense 6. Control

SAFETY-KILLERSAFETY-BUILDER GOSSIP I vent (complain) about others when they are not present, or I listen to others’ venting without redirecting them. I can assume you gossip about me. TALK DIRECTLY TO THOSE I HAVE AN ISSUE WITH. REFUSE TO LISTEN TO GOSSIP Don’t use “he/she/you” messages to complain about what others did that you don’t like. Use “I” messages to share your feelings, and focus on how you can respond in a Christlike way.

SAFETY-KILLERSAFETY-BUILDER DEFENSIVENESS When I am corrected or confronted, I defend myself, minimize my mistakes, or justify what I did or did not do. TEACHABLE SPIRIT. I surrender my need to be right. When receiving feedback, I look for what may be helpful. If I don’t know whether a criticism is valid, I humbly pray for God’s perspective and may seek counsel. I own my mistakes and am eager to make improvements.

SAFETY-KILLERSAFETY-BUILDER BLAME When you and I have a problem, I feel that our problem is mostly your fault. You should make the first move to solve it. “WORK ON ME FIRST” I look for how I have contributed to the problem and take responsibility for my part first, no matter how small. I know that the only person I can change is me.

SAFETY-KILLERSAFETY-BUILDER JUDGING MOTIVES I tell ugly stories (make negative assumptions) about other people’s motives. GRACE When others do hurtful things, I assume the best about their motives. I ask the humanizing question: “Why might a decent, well-meaning person do this?” I tell at least two grace stories that could account for the person’s words or actions.

SAFETY-KILLERSAFETY-BUILDER TAKING OFFENSE I am quick to feel slighted, disrespected, or rejected, even when the other person has not been disrespectful. “SEEK TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE SEEKING TO BE UNDERSTOOD” Most misunderstandings can be cleared up by listening with genuine curiosity. If I have a pattern of feeling disrespected when others have not been disrespectful, I will seek healing for the roots of my shame.

SAFETY-KILLERSAFETY-BUILDER CONTROL. I try to get others to change how they think, feel, and act. “WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OTHERS” I commit to becoming free of the “deadly habits of control” including criticizing, complaining, nagging, threatening, and appeasing to manage others’ feelings. I learn to set healthy boundaries and let others take responsibility for their choices and emotions.

Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.

1. When have you created safe place for another person to grow and heal? 2. What is one of the safety-builders that you would like to grow in?