POST SEPARATION PARENTING DISPUTES Denise Britton Britton Psychological Services

Triggers of Post Separation Parenting Disputes – Signs and Solutions There was a third party at the time of separation There was a third party at the time of separation The decision to separate was one-sided The decision to separate was one-sided Claims of domestic violence Claims of domestic violence Personality disorder Personality disorder Mental Illness Mental Illness

Triggers of Post Separation Parenting Disputes – Signs and Solutions (cont..) Intergenerational dysfunction Intergenerational dysfunction Drug and/or alcohol abuse Drug and/or alcohol abuse Children with special needs Children with special needs New partners New partners Absconding with the child Absconding with the child Contact parent exceeding role Contact parent exceeding role

Triggers of Post Separation Parenting Disputes – Signs and Solutions (cont..) Residence parents who have a “God complex” Residence parents who have a “God complex” Alienation of child against one parent by the other Alienation of child against one parent by the other Parents making extreme comments about the other Parents making extreme comments about the other Allegations of child abuse Allegations of child abuse

Triggers of Post Separation Parenting Disputes – Signs and Solutions (cont..) Grandparents disputing residence with their own children Grandparents disputing residence with their own children Homosexuality, trans-sexuality, cross-dressing Homosexuality, trans-sexuality, cross-dressing Cross-cultural and inter-racial issues Cross-cultural and inter-racial issues

What we know about Pathways to Entrenched Conflict after Separation Establishment of new “status quo” Establishment of new “status quo” Lack of Legal Aid funding Lack of Legal Aid funding Lawyers who would rather litigate than resolve disputes Lawyers who would rather litigate than resolve disputes

What we know about Pathways to Entrenched Conflict after Separation (cont..) Lawyers whose clients are “always the goodies” Lawyers whose clients are “always the goodies” Increasingly serious abuse allegation Increasingly serious abuse allegation Litigants in person Litigants in person Conflicted custodial transitions Conflicted custodial transitions

What we know about the Impact of Entrenched Conflict on Children Helplessness Helplessness Becoming over-conscientious and achievement orientated Becoming over-conscientious and achievement orientated Aggression Aggression Substitution of parents Substitution of parents Classic stress related symptoms Classic stress related symptoms

What we know about the Impact of Entrenched Conflict on Children (cont..) Excessive vigilance and distrust around strangers Excessive vigilance and distrust around strangers Pathological attachment Pathological attachment Confusion and ambivalence towards their parents Confusion and ambivalence towards their parents Sense of responsibility for the conflict Sense of responsibility for the conflict

What we know about the Impact of Entrenched Conflict on Children (cont..) Submission to one parent & rejection of the other Submission to one parent & rejection of the other Pseudo-maturity Pseudo-maturity Identity Problems Identity Problems Affect constriction or emotional shutdown Affect constriction or emotional shutdown

What we know about the Impact of Entrenched Conflict on Children (cont..) Insecurity or fear of abandonment Insecurity or fear of abandonment Rapid shifts in allegiance Rapid shifts in allegiance

How we can move to Child Focused Practices Lawyers in general Lawyers in general Varied approaches to children’s matters Varied approaches to children’s matters Changing the Face of Practice program Changing the Face of Practice program

How we can move to Child Focused Practices (cont..) Child Focused Charter… Child Focused Charter… Assess Assess Inform Inform Reality Test Reality Test Negotiate Negotiate

How we can move to Child Focused Practices (cont..) Child Focused Charter… Child Focused Charter… Manage Manage Consider legal and ethical framework Consider legal and ethical framework Participate in systemic change Participate in systemic change Operate within a multi- disciplinary system Operate within a multi- disciplinary system

How we can move to Child Focused Practices (cont..) Child Focused Goals Child Focused Goals All practitioners should have an understanding of the impact of high level conflict on children All practitioners should have an understanding of the impact of high level conflict on children The importance of referral and resources should be recognised The importance of referral and resources should be recognised

How we can move to Child Focused Practices (cont..) “Collaborative Lawyering” “Collaborative Lawyering” Advantages Advantages Disadvantages and inherent limitations Disadvantages and inherent limitations Future Directions Future Directions

How and under what circumstances we can move towards Child Inclusive Practices The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child Guidelines for Child Representatives Guidelines for Child Representatives

How and under what circumstances we can move towards Child Inclusive Practices (cont..) Principals and rights Principals and rights Ongoing relationship with lawyer Ongoing relationship with lawyer Access to information Access to information Ability to become a party explained Ability to become a party explained Wishes fully heard Wishes fully heard Submissions contrary to wishes explained Submissions contrary to wishes explained Views considered Views considered Cautions and exceptions Cautions and exceptions

How and under what circumstances we can move towards Child Inclusive Practices (cont..) Cautions and exceptions Cautions and exceptions Every child is different Every child is different Children are vulnerable to pressure Children are vulnerable to pressure Harm must be minimized Harm must be minimized

How and under what circumstances we can move towards Child Inclusive Practices (cont..) Cautions and exceptions (cont..) Cautions and exceptions (cont..) Lawyers must not conduct disclosure interviews, become witnesses or be counsellors Lawyers must not conduct disclosure interviews, become witnesses or be counsellors Child could become dependent Child could become dependent Termination of professional relationship should be planned Termination of professional relationship should be planned

How and under what circumstances we can move towards Child Inclusive Practices (cont..) Further concerns Further concerns Coercion and manipulation Coercion and manipulation Disclosures Disclosures Risk of harm to the child Risk of harm to the child

How and under what circumstances we can move towards Child Inclusive Practices (cont..) Further concerns (cont..) Further concerns (cont..) Beware your clients’ use of their children Beware your clients’ use of their children Children’s fear of being frank Children’s fear of being frank Children’s rights to be children Children’s rights to be children

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody My wife and I were relatively functional as a parenting team before the involvement of lawyers and the Family Court we used even to have dinner together sometimes. My wife and I were relatively functional as a parenting team before the involvement of lawyers and the Family Court we used even to have dinner together sometimes.

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody Now my child is traumatized & subject to psychological treatment to address her impression that her mother is stopping her from seeing me, and my wife has become paranoid, depressed & utterly unreasonable to the extent that she is now seeing a psychologist on a voluntary basis Now my child is traumatized & subject to psychological treatment to address her impression that her mother is stopping her from seeing me, and my wife has become paranoid, depressed & utterly unreasonable to the extent that she is now seeing a psychologist on a voluntary basis

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody The fact that my daughter said she loved us both and wanted to spend time with us both was used to support the notion that I am trying to make her hate her mother. The fact that my daughter said she loved us both and wanted to spend time with us both was used to support the notion that I am trying to make her hate her mother.

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody Naturally, I have been trying to achieve the opposite knowing as I do that the better my wife’s relationship with her daughter is, the happier she’ll be and the more secure she’ll be about letting her spend time with me. Naturally, I have been trying to achieve the opposite knowing as I do that the better my wife’s relationship with her daughter is, the happier she’ll be and the more secure she’ll be about letting her spend time with me.

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody My daughter has now been to five psychologists over the past four years. I’ve been to seven plus two psychiatrists. It’s still going. We all have to go again next month…to the guy that thinks I’m brainwashing my daughter. My daughter has now been to five psychologists over the past four years. I’ve been to seven plus two psychiatrists. It’s still going. We all have to go again next month…to the guy that thinks I’m brainwashing my daughter.

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody My daughter now believes that it is not her mother that is restricting her time with me, but that it is the courts. My daughter now believes that it is not her mother that is restricting her time with me, but that it is the courts.

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody I sincerely believe that all this could have been avoided with mediation and counselling…I thought the courts were supposed to support mediation but it has been denied time and time again. I sincerely believe that all this could have been avoided with mediation and counselling…I thought the courts were supposed to support mediation but it has been denied time and time again.

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody It is the most destructive process imaginable and the expense is crippling. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars. My wife has spent much more. It is the most destructive process imaginable and the expense is crippling. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars. My wife has spent much more.

An anonymous contribution to the National Parliamentary Investigation into Shared Custody It is my submission the Family Court is completely out of control. It is my submission the Family Court is completely out of control. Due to Section 121’s stifling of any reporting on its decisions, it also is completely unaccountable. Due to Section 121’s stifling of any reporting on its decisions, it also is completely unaccountable.