Eliminate Strained Relationships How to Work through Relationships Confidently & Effectively

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3 This is your brain

4 This is your brain during a crucial conversation.

5 The Solution: Dialogue™

6 Dialogue: Free Flow of Meaning When facing high stakes, opposing opinions, and strong emotions, influential people: Frankly and honestly share ideas, opinions, and feelings. Give up the goal of convincing and controlling. Take responsibility for contributing to a pool of shared meaning.

7 Law of Crucial Conversations Anytime you find yourself stuck, there are crucial conversations keeping you there. Identify the crucial conversations you are not holding or not holding well, and get better at everything.

8 “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.” John Foster Dulles

9 Where are YOU stuck? When it comes to your organization, where are you stuck? What do people gripe about? What do they complain about – at work and after they leave to go home? What are the problems people are still trying to fix? Identify one crucial conversation that needs to happen.

10 Start with Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect The conditions of safety To keep the pool of meaning large and wide CREATE Mutual Purpose: search for common needs and interests Do others believe I care about their goals in the conversation? Do they trust my motives? You must care enough about the other’s needs to be willing to create a new mutual purpose – a win-win Ask yourself –What do I want for myself? –What do I want for others? –What do I want for our relationship?

11 Domains of Conflict personal purpose processpeople

12 In long lasting high stakes conversations you need to learn the art of win-win assertiveness cooperativeness compromise competing avoidaccommodat e Collaboration Win

13 Mutual Respect If there is disrespect your conversation looses it’s purpose. People start to defend and protect themselves. Signs Emotional behavior, defending, fear and anger, accusations, getting offended, debate or surrender If you don’t care for the other person, respect their humanity

14 Tools and Tips STATE –State the facts –Tell your story (interpretation) –Ask for the other’s story –How Tentatively Encourage Testing

15 Tools and Tips List of interests, needs, wants. Meet together to compare. Focus on the common ground. Assessments of style – communication preference workshop

16 Tools & Tips – Giving Feedback 1.Plan – gather facts 2.Ask for permission 3.Set a favorable time, location 4.No distractions 5.Full attention 6.Listen to learn 7.Set the tone 8.Focus on specifics 9.Relay impact 10.Show appreciation, say thank you 11.Be a camera 12.Agree on outcomes and timelines for improvement 13.Re-evaluate 14.Look for the win - win

17 Tools & Tips - Receiving Feedback 1.Ask for it 2.Be vulnerable 3.View feedback as a gift 4.Check your anger and defensiveness 5.Pay attention 6.Ask for feed forward – one thing you can do to improve 7.Take time to take it in – hold your reaction – wonder 8.Thankful for honesty

18 Executive Leaders Need To Improve  Developing direct reports67%  Motivating others53%  Giving tough feedback63%  Building teams54%  Informing Others61% source, Center for Creative Leadership

19 McKinsey Company Study

20 Leadership Enhancers Early exposure, develop sponsors, big opportunities, visibility Tough assignments, action learning Global, diversity Depth, departments, services, project types Breadth, many types of problem solving Failure & rebound

21 Leader Derailers Does not build or leverage peer relationships, not a team player Cannot execute through others, does not develop other leaders Stops growing, not open to feedback and lacks introspection Ego gets in the way, being right and going it alone

22 Leader Levels of Success & Failure Failures result from not shifting values 1.Individual contributor to managing others 2.Managing others to managing project managers 3.Managing others to managing functions 4.Managing functions to business management 5.Managing business to managing a group 6.Managing a group to managing an enterprise

23 Apply what you’ve learned Given your crucial conversation, what are your next steps?