LIFE OF A BIRTH MOTHER ADOPTION

PROCESS OF ADOPTION Before adoption making a decision seems like the hardest part of an unplanned pregnancy. During adoption relinquishment and placement are actually the hardest part of an adoption. After adoption continuing of life seems almost impossible.

OPPORTUNITY FOR A NORMAL LIFE When placing for adoption girls have a better chance for a normal life and for things to “go back to normal”. Although things are not exactly the way they were before there is more opportunity for higher educational aspirations, completing school, and they are less likely to repeat out of wedlock pregnancy’s.

MARRIAGE AND DATING Women that place their babies for adoption date longer before marrying. These women are more likely to marry and not just live with a man. They are also less likely to get divorced then women who chose to keep their babies from an unmarried pregnancy.

FINANCES Women and girls that place a child are more likely to be employed after the birth of their child then a mother who keeps. People who place are also less likely to live in poverty and to have children live in poverty.

WHO PLACES? Women in their 20s becoming independent from their parents, single parents, teenagers, and women with extreme personal difficulties. In most cases women that place are from middle class families, and women that keep a lot of the time come from the poverty level. That is of course what everyone does.

REASONS FOR PLACING Some of the most common reasons for placing a baby for adoption is the parent is struggling to obtain emotional and financial resources. They are too young or in school. Drugs, violence, mental instability, and wanting a better life for their child.

HOW MANY PEOPLE PLACE Only about 14,000 infants are placed for adoption in the U.S. today. Placement has declined by about 17% since the 1970's and there are now less than 2% of women that actually go through with a placement. Keeping a child has become so glamourized by the media that girls think it will be fun and that they can still leave their normal lives. Girls in high school especially think like this in most cases and think it will be fun and easy.

STAGES OF GRIEVING After the placement and relinquishment of a child a woman goes through many stages of grief. These stages are; shock and denial, sorrow and depression, anger and guilt, and finally acceptance and resolution. These emotions do not always go in this order and they can repeat themselves many times through out the years.

MOVING ON WITH LIFE After the placement of a child, the woman must move on with life by doing this such as, going back to school, going back to work, and socializing and dating again. Although this can be difficult and may take time to be able to do these things, it is possible and helps heal that hurt, pain and loss.

OPENNESS With an adoption there are many choices and openness is one of them. with an open adoption the mother can be involved in the child's life. The birth mother also becomes part of the family, and with an open adoption it provides more people to love and care for that special child.

LIFE AS A BIRTH MOTHER Although giving up a baby is the hardest thing anyone can ever do, it is so much more beneficial not only for the child, but for the mother as well. It gives both a chance at a brighter future. A woman that has the strength and courage to do this is a fighter and disserves the utmost respect and highest regard.

SOURCES McLaughlin SD, Manninen DL, Winges LD, Do Adolescents Who Relinquish Their Children Fare Better or Worse Than Those Who Raise Them? Family Planning Perspectives, 20:1 (Jan. – Feb., 1988), pp : “Safeguarding The Rights And Well-Being Of Birthparents In The Adoption Process” by Susan Livingston Smith, Program and Project Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, November This article is excerpted from a pamphlet on birth parents and grief in open adoption originally published by R-Squared Press, 721 Hawthorne Avenue, Royal Oak, MI The author, Brenda Romanchik, is a speaker, writer and publisher of open adoption resources, and a co-founder of R-Squared Press.