2003 AFL BROWNLOW MEDAL Bizzo’s and Blokes – Heater’s Brownlow Medal Commentary

I think Akkers has done as well as he could’ve with this one.

Barker and partner – without a doubt – a golddigger.

Black from Brisbane – not a lot needs to be said here – impressive package.

Dean Laidley appears to have followed in the footsteps of Mark Waugh and taken the ugliest bird on earth - unless that's his mum. Is that Tracy Bartram??

Don't they have peroxide in Western Australia??

Bulger and Nixon... ah Livinia, if only your chest was made of Silicon - they look like a couple of mosquito bites.

David Neitz and (as per Crown Casino's instructions) his designated driver.

What does she charge per hour Brendan?

Lost - 1 Mardis Gras float.

Mental note: I need a haircut and my missus needs a push up bra.

Hazleby and bizzo - yeah, nice chassis on this one - a stint on Foxtel's "Living with Footballers" will do her a world of good.

C'MMMMOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN

I know he's married with kids and can spend a little less on personal maintenance – but Christ, it looks like Hirdy just ran with the bulls in Pamplona

Keating and bizzo - both in desparate need of an Oprah makeover...

Leah hudson tries out for Abba

Justin Leppitsch - proof that blokes with red pubes can rise above the rest.

Lloydy and wifey... good to see she's giving the bridesmaid dress a second run.

Scott Lucas and wife - god she looks like Anne Fullwood... way too many teeth in that mouth.

Scott Mitchell and Partner - hands down the hottest chick in attendance as far as I'm concerned. I hear later on she awarded him a Norwich RISING Star Award of a different kind...

Collingwood (??) footballer Nathan Brown - return that tie to my uncle when you're done with it.

No idea who this guy is - but nice of him to take his ugly sister - I hear she once dated Gotchy - they met at Doncaster Shoppingtown Over 28's

Russell Robertson - ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive....

Scarlett and jail bait – bet she can’t wait for puberty!

Mr and Mrs Silvagni - a couple of kids under her belt and still tough to beat

Barry Hall - proof that women fall in love with footballers because of their intelligence

Chris Tarrant and partner - I'm tipping this tidy bizzo has never attended a gathering of the MENSA society.

A second run for Miss Tarrant - no complaints from me.

Two nuff nuffs from that hetero/homo Choc-a-Block renovation show on Channel 9.

Voss and wife. Red pubes are a common theme throughout Brisbane - anyone seen Akermanis with his pants off??

For a bloke in desparate need of a personality transplant, well done Gavin.

Yes Shane, the implants you paid for look fantastic.

Nathan Buckley and his wife - imagine hanging the Brownlow around her neck – you'd never find it again.

Three votes Sandra Sully - head of Channel Ten wardrobe please take notice! Note to Sandra – Best if you cut back on the Baccardi Breezers in the limo next year

I hereby find the defendant... not guilty

Eddie: “Mind if you take your wedding ring off Bucks? If I'm going to smoke your bat, at least let me pretend we're both single”. Nathan: “Sure, how did Carla react when you told her she's sleeping on the couch tonite??”