ANALYSIS PAPERS Feedback and tips for revision

DEFINE “THING”  “Thing” can be used sometimes  Look for each occurrence of the word; if it can be replaced with a better, more descriptive word – do that!  Example:  Instead of “The homeless shelter provides food, housing, and many other things to people in need.” Try to create sentences such as: “The homeless shelter provides food, housing, and many other services to people in need.”

DEVELOP A THESIS STATEMENT  Your thesis statement should:  Mention your topic (the problem behind the organization, or the organization itself)  Breakdown that topic  Preview the rest of your paper  Example: In analyzing the homeless shelter’s operations, it is clear that many people suffer from hunger, poverty, and unemployment.

PROOF READ  Proof read silently  Catch spelling and grammar issues  Proof read aloud  Catch confusing phrases or misworded sentences

WRITE OBJECTIVELY  Avoid first person POV: the use of “I” or “we”  You can use first person POV when absolutely necessary (discussing the specific details of your senior project experience)  This should not be a lengthy portion of the paper! Keep this section to about a paragraph, with small references to your project as needed throughout  Discuss the problem in terms of “people”  Originally: I’ve seen first hand that hunger and poverty affects so many families. It’s important for us to raise money and give back to these people.  Improved: Hunger and poverty affects many families. It’s important for more fortunate people to give back to the needy.

WRITE OBJECTIVELY  Use a third person objective POV when explaining the significance of a quote or paraphrase  Originally: “Sample quote” (Smith 4). This quote spoke to me and got me to truly understand the harmful effects of poverty.  Improved: “Sample quote” (Smith 4). This quote clearly discusses the harmful effects of poverty.

AVOID CLICHÉS  Clichés take away from originality  Try to locate and replace clichés with original phrasing  Cliché examples:  It was a dark and stormy night…  Just In the nick of time,  What goes around comes around  Read between the lines  One thing led to another and…  Little did he know that…

CITE YOUR SOURCES  In text citations:  “The Evansville Homeless Shelter seeks to help the needy” (Smith 4).  Works cited page  "Blueprint Lays Out Clear Path for Climate Action." Environmental Defense Fund. Environmental Defense Fund, 8 May Web. 24 May  Clinton, Bill. Interview by Andrew C. Revkin. “Clinton on Climate Change.” New York Times. New York Times, May Web. 25 May 2009.

WRITE FORMALLY  Your papers should be written academically.  Don’t use the same language you’d use chatting with friends or family  Seek to elevate your writing and word choice!

WRITE FORMALLY  Formal (Written to an unknown audience): I am applying for the receptionist position advertised in the local paper. I am an excellent candidate for the job because of my significant secretarial experience, good language skills, and sense of organization.  Semi-formal (Written to a well-known individual): I am applying for the receptionist position that is currently open in the company. As you are aware, I have worked as a temporary employee with your company in this position before. As such, I not only have experience and knowledge of this position, but also already understand the company's needs and requirements for this job.  Informal (Incorrect): Hi! I read in the paper that ya'll were looking for a receptionist. I think that I am good for that job because I've done stuff like it in the past, am good with words, and am incredibly well organized.