Multi-Causal Comparative Thinking Comparative Grey-Area Thinking Reflective Thinking

Multi-Causal Comparative Begin to organize large sets of information, expressively and receptively Stories have longer and more logical sequences of events “Triangular Reasoning” begins to make sense Organized oral arguments Broader Emotional Range

Multi-Causal Comparative Does your child understand that there may be multiple events or reasons causing someone to behave in a certain way? (For example, he understands a situation where a friend might be upset with some aspect of family life or school and is taking out that aggression on him. Rather than assuming that this friend does not like him, your child is able to consider other possibilities.)

Multi-Causal Comparative Is your child developing friendships with peers, including play dates outside of school?

Multi-Causal Comparative Is your child able to negotiate with two or more people at the same time (e.g., go back and forth between mom and dad to try to get a later bed time or an extra cookie or try to convince two peers to play the game his way)?

Multi-Causal Comparative Is your child able to regulate his or her impulses or fears and anxieties (i.e., control his or her behavior and calm down with a little bit of support)?

Multi-Causal Comparative  Ask for multiple reasons “why”?  Compare and contrast things: A vs. B  Encourage making lists of preferences  Place ideas, opinions, and interests in a hierarchy of importance.  Discuss emotions and emotional themes

Comparative Grey Area Moving away from polarized thinking (all or nothing thinking); finding a middle ground Understanding gradations, degrees, and magnitudes of things, like feelings Comparing opinions and emotions with greater subtlety

Comparative Grey Area Is your child able to distinguish the varying degrees of different feelings for one situation (gray area thinking)? (For example, if participating in a new activity such as a soccer game or piano recital, can he or she understand and express feeling excited to be doing a new thing and at the same time feel a little afraid of not performing well?)

Comparative Grey Area Is your child able to use gray area thinking to compare two feelings (explain why he or she likes one friend better than another)?

Comparative Grey Area Is your child able to deal with disappointment and/or frustration in peer relationships and/or family patterns without major tantrums, withdrawal, or aggression?

Comparative Grey Area  Challenge, by asking questions, to move away from polarized thinking. Find a middle ground  Have conversations where negotiations and compromises are necessary.  Encourage expression of magnitudes of things, like feelings and opinions

Reflective Thinking off of an internal standard Developing a sense of self Developing own set of morals and ethics Beginning to analyze and think about own behavior objectively

Reflective Does your child know himself or herself well enough to be able to judge how he or she is feeling about or responding to a given situation? (For example, your child can make judgments such as, "I feel angrier than I should.”)

Reflective Is your child able to be fully engaged in peer friendships while having his or her own opinions about himself or herself and others?

Reflective Is your child beginning to form his own inner ideas about what’s right and wrong, what he likes and doesn’t like, and what he wants to do in the near future?

Reflective Is your child able to reason at least a little about his or her own moods and feelings and try to have them meet his or her own emerging sense of inner standards? (e.g., “That person made me really mad but I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”)

Reflective  Get your child to express opinions about their own behavior and feelings. “I’m angrier than I usually am, in this situation.”  Encourage reflecting on events and experiences after the fact  Use open ended questions to help expression of opinions about own behavior  Don’t Judge! Encourage communication and self exploration