TOPIC BUILDING AN HARMONIOUS POLYGAMOUS HOME A summary of main lecture and contributions at Ikorodu Usrah on Sunday May 18th, 2014

GUEST LECTURER ALHAJA MONSURAT ADELAJA CONTRIBUTORS ALHAJ ABDULGANIYY AFOLAYAN AND ALHAJ MURTADHA GBADAMOSI COMPILLATION BY ALHAJ ABDULKABIR SANNI

POLYGAMY, polygamy is a practice of more than one spouse at any one time

FORMS OF POLYGAMY Polyamory multiple relationship with conscent of All POLYANDRY one wife, multiple husband POLYGYNY Plural marriage in which a man is allowed more than one wife Islamic Polygamy: stipulates that a man may marry more than one woman but not more than four

PROPONENTS Mostly men: are proud in claiming polygamy as their right, There also women who themselves and their sons, daughters and close relations stand to benefit

OPPONENT mostly women: are reluctant to have co-wives for various reasons. There are also men who themselves and their Mothers, sisters and Daughters have been, will be or are at the victims

OUR FOCUS This Lecture is not about who is right or who is wrong or whether Polygamy is the rule or exception But to consider necessary factors in deciding to go Polygamous AND factors that will assist us in gainning the plesure of Allah if we find ourselves in it

Suurat ul Nisa vs 3 3. وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا فِي الْيَتَامَىٰ فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا

Suurat ul Nisa vs 3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.

IMPLICATION Polygamy is not wajib (a principle in the Islamic law which must be done that one will be considered sinful if it is not practised) Polygamy is a relief only in an emergency situation. is in fact haram (prohibited) for the polygamous husband if he is incapable of being fair and causes a potential abuse to the wife he married.

REASONS FOR POLYGAMY infertility, physical illness, physically not eligible for sexual intercourse, disobedient to the rights for sexual intercourse, or insanity. Widowhood divorce Uneven population ratio of men to women Any other reason that can make a man or woman to consider adultery as option or suffer in silence

REASONS FOR OPPOSITION FEAR OF BEING ABANDONED OR LOOSING THE HUSBAND SEING AS EVIDENCE OF INCOMPETENCE OR FAILURE ON THE PART OF WOMEN SEING AS PUNISHMENT UNFAIR TREATMENT AFTER WARD REDUCTION IN ATTENTION, CONFORT FEAR OF UNKNOWN FEAR OF PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL OR DIABOLICAL ATTACK COMPLEX NATURE OF HUMAN BEING INHERITANCE

Conditions for Polygamy Islam is a religion which acknowledges various human needs and desires In order to ensure that the practice of polygamy is carried out fairly and to provide harmony to the ummah, Islam has laid down certain conditions which restrict the free practice previously and take a more reasonable fair solution

Conditions for Polygamy PRAYER for Guidance Consultations (not permission) with all stake Holders FINANCIAL CAPABILITY provision of food, clothing, accommodation, medical and. Education need of the Children

Conditions for Polygamy PHYSICAL CAPABILITY husband must have the capability to sexually provide for the wives.

FAIRNESS IS WAJIB fairness refers to being equal towards all wives without having any preference towards any one wife clothing, accommodation, turns for night stay and travel

LOVE & AFFECTION These feelings are beyond human control, relative in nature and are not included in the fairness. Nevertheless, a husband is forbidden to express this difference in emotions as Allah s.w.t. has said in surah al- Nisa’, verse: 129:

4:129. Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self- restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

ACCOMODATION the homes of the wives are best to be separated as initiative to avoid family feud and jealousy from spreading among the wives. psychological point of view, grouping all wives together under a single roof might lead them to have misunderstandings which may hurt each others’ feelings. Ensure that the only thing that is shared is the man’s time

Taking Turns for Night Stay A husband must (wajib) decide on a fair night stay turns among his wives without being biased towards any of the wives. A husband commits a sin should he allocate more night stay turns for a specific wife compared to the other wives. Except during the first few nights of marriage with a new wife when there is willingness from any of the wives there can be flexibility

REFERENCES “Among the sunnah is that when a man marries a virgin, he spends seven nights with her. If it is a widow, three nights”. Anas r.a. “Sawdah has given her turn to Aisha and Rasulullah has spent the night with Aisha in his turn with Sawdah.”

Be Fair In Travelling According to Imam Shafie, a husband must (wajib) cast a vote amongst his wives if he wishes one of his wives to accompany him while travelling. the husband must (wajib) compensate the night turn of the wife who has been denied of her rights during his travelling.

IMPERATIVE There are certain facts that we must know Statistics have shown that there are more women than men. Consider if you, your daughter or sister remain single up to the age of 40 wont you consider polygamy? Adultery is a worse option,we must prevent human beings from adultery

CONCLUSION POLYGAMY IS HALAL, SACTIONED BY ALLAH Whoever rejects any part of Quran can not be a Muslim POLYGAMY NOT WAJIB & SHOULD BE EMBRACED ONLY IF THERE IS NEED FOR IT EVEN AT THAT THE CONDITIONS MUST BE MET MEN & WOMEN WHO FIND THEMSELVES IN IT SHOULD CONSIDERED IT AS ACT OF IBADAH SERVICE TO ALLAH