Bullying Notes Source: Barbara Coloroso “The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander”

Bullying is… About contempt – –a powerful feeling of dislike toward somebody considered to be worthless, inferior or undeserving of respect. A conscious willful, and deliberate hostile activity. Intended to harm and/or induce fear through the threat of further aggression and create terror

Four Markers of Bullying: 1. Imbalance of Power - (older, bigger, stronger, more verbally adept, higher on social ladder, different race or opposite sex) 2.Intent to Harm- (the bully means to inflect emotional and/or physical pain, expects the action to hurt and takes pleasure in witnessing the hurt.

3. Threat of Further Aggression – (both the bully & bullied know there is more to come) If this bullying is ignored and not addressed… 4. Terror – (systematic violence will continue to occur & is used to intimidate & maintain dominance)

Ways of Bullying 1. Verbal – – Most common form (70% of reported) – Easy to get away with (whispering, yelling in loud areas…) – If condoned, it becomes normalized and the target is dehumanized Forms: name-calling, taunting, belittling, cruel criticism, personal defamation, racist slurs, sexually suggestive slurs, extortion of lunch money or possessions, abusive phone calls, intimidating s or blogs, anonymous notes containing threats of violence, untruthful accusations, false and malicious rumors and gossip (of the three forms, this is the one that can stand alone the easiest – and is generally the first step toward more vicious and degrading violence)

2. Physical – – Accounts for less than 1/3 of reported cases – Most bullies who use physical are troubled & will move onto more serious criminal offenses – Even if serious harm is not intended, it is dangerous (usually in rage) Forms: hitting, slapping, choking, poking, punching, kicking, biting, pinching, scratching, twisting limbs into painful positions, spitting, and damaging or destroying clothes and property belonging to the bullied child.

Relational – – Most difficult to detect from the outside – Systematic diminishment of a bullied child’s sense of self through ignoring, isolating, excluding or shunning – Most powerful in the middle years – adolescents Forms: Intentionally excluding a child from sleepovers, birthday parties and playground games, rumors, subtle gestures (aggressive stares, rolling of eyes, sighs, frowns, sneers, snickers and hostile body language)

Kinds of Bullies 1. The confident bully 2. The social bully 3. The fully armored bully 4. The hyperactive bully 5. The bullied bully 6. The bunch of bullies 7. The gang of bullies

The Masquerade of Deception: When minimization occurs because it is “a part of growing up”… - society has turned a blind eye –Power Plays in the School Yard –Hazing –Cliques and the School Social Ladder –Racist Bullying

Teasing vs. Taunting Teasing –Swap Roles –Isn’t intended to hurt –Maintains Dignity –Lighthearted Fun –Both parties laugh –Small part of friendship –Innocent in motive –Stops when person becomes upset or objects to teasing. Taunting –Imbalance of power –Intended to harm –Humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted. –Laughter AT the target –Diminishes self worth –Induces fear –Sinister in motive –Continues, especially when target becomes distressed or objects.