Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training Realise that conflict is all around us--avoiding it is impossible & undesirable Realise that conflict is all around us--avoiding it is impossible & undesirable Identify & explore our attitudes & uses of power Identify & explore our attitudes & uses of power Consider ways to harness & use power effectively, not at the expense of others Consider ways to harness & use power effectively, not at the expense of others Develop a strategy to handle conflicts, by using conflict management tool Develop a strategy to handle conflicts, by using conflict management tool Take away action & implementation plan Take away action & implementation plan 2

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 3 Conflict is all around us. It’s not something we can choose to have or not have. It just is. It may centre on something as seemingly trivial as who leaves their dirty teacups in the sink, where to go for Christmas Lunch, or whether to buy a new piece of equipment for work, or it may be more complicated, such as how much forest needs to be logged, what national defence strategies we should adopt or who will get Social Security payments. This course is not about avoiding conflict. Avoiding is not only impossible but undesirable! The course is about discovering productive ways of handling conflict – ways that make a difference in all areas of our lives – with work colleagues, friends, spouses, children, salespeople, doctors, and managers.

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 4 Think of a conflict which has been handled in a destructive way. What are some of the outcomes in such a case? Tension Unresolved problems Stress Low productivity Sour relationships Time off – ‘ sickness’ Ill health Anxiety Resentment

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 5 Think of conflict which has been handed constructively. What are some of the outcomes in such a case? Relaxation Openness High productivity Expanding friendly relationships Vitality Good health Empowerment A sense of achievement We’ve all had experience of conflict handled constructively and destructively. The outcomes of conflict handled constructively are so much more attractive. Why settle for less?

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 6 How do we know there’s a conflict happening? There may be some very obvious signs which we can’t easily recognise, or there may only be a few subtle clues. It is the range that we’re going to explore now. What’s Crisis like?

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 7 What’s Crisis like? (Continued) Leaving job Communication shutdown Spilt team members Lack of co-operation Stress, anxiety Loss of productivity These clues are obvious – there is unresolved conflict. Others, if we’re on the look out,we can see conflict brewing well before it reaches crisis. If we stay alert for conflict in its early stages, it is a lot easier to manage. For instance, think of that nagging ‘gut’ feeling that things just aren’t right? We could call that discomfort.

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 8 Incident & Misunderstanding Incident – Has something minor happened which has left you upset or irritated? Has there been an incident which suggests that something is wrong? Misunderstanding – Are the details about the situation unclear? Has there been a misunderstanding about motives or intent? Tension Are you feeling anxious about your relationship with the other person? Are you at the point of one more nudge and then you’ll explode / resign / give him or her a piece of your mind? Does each subsequent experience with the person confirm your negative attitude towards them? Are you feeling a high level of tension in your relationship?

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 9 Stay Alert Look for clues to conflict at discomfort or incident level. Dealing with conflict at these levels, rather than at crisis, when emotions run high, gives a greater chance of a constructive rather than a destructive outcome. Our response to the discomfort may be to ‘stay alert’ and choose an appropriate time, opportunity or option to tackle the issue. HANDOUT – CLUES TO CONFLICT

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 10 Power with not power over Introduction to Power Reflect on your understanding and response to power. GROUP EXERCISE – WORDS THAT REPRESENT POWER The Concept of Power The concept of power conjures very different meanings to people. For some it has very negative connotations, others see it in a positive light.

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 11 Thinking About Power We focus our attention in a variety of ways. For example, we may think about: Our emotional responses The effect it has on us personally The broader consequences or Where it comes from The focus in this section of the course is on the development of co-operative power – power with no power over. We will examine the bases of power from which power originates, and personal power – what makes each of us a powerful person.

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 12 Power Bases Think of two or three people with whom you often comply, or to whom you defer or say ‘yes’. What is this power to extract a ‘yes’ from you based upon? Relate your responses to one of the five key power bases below: Five Key Power Bases 1.Valued Relationships 2.Expertise 3.Position 4.Reward/Punishment 5. Influence or Persuasiveness Manipulation People feel tricked Outcomes favour the manipulation often at the expense of another Inclined to discourage input from others More biased information is presented Less frequently considers needs and concerns of others Tends to stunt relationships Less commitment to making the solution work

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 13 Influence People feel persuaded Outcomes favour others as well as the influencer Inclined to encourage and value input from others More balanced information is presented More frequently considers needs and concerns of others Tends to build relationships Greater commitment to making the solution work Power Bases Are Levers They help people gain what they want. They can be used fairly or unfairly. Co-operation and consensus depend on people influencing others. However, when people feel tricked or stood over, chances are that someone has used a power base manipulatively.

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 14 Circle of Influence This looks at what you have control over and what you do not have control over - if you focus on things that you have no control over - then your influence decreases, if you focus on what you have got cover over, then your influence increases. HANDOUT – CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 15 Transforming “I Should’ to ‘I Choose’ We are often restrained in developing and exercising our personal power by our use of disempowering language. GROUP EXERCISE –”I SHOULD” TO “I CHOOSE” Outside Authority Our actions are directed by others, people who are significant to us, either from the past or the present, or perhaps by an institutionalised form of authority e.g. religion, school, media images. Sometimes the directions we are following are so internalised that we have now forgotten or suppressed the original source. They nevertheless retain an apparent separateness from us, a sort of external authority not fully incorporated into our sense of self. GROUP DISCUSSION –”I SHOULD” VERSUS “I CHOOSE”

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 16 Identify the Outside Pressure Often, by identifying the outside pressure, we realise that we don’t actually have to comply, we can make a choice Change the View Try to see the situation differently. Think of our own best reasons for doing something. For example, “ I should clean up my desk?” to “I’d like to come into work and have a clean and tidy desk in the morning?” “I should write that report” can become “I’d like to get that report out of the way, so I can settle down to other jobs.” Add Extra Ingredients Think of some way of improving the situation for ourselves. Is there something we can do that can make the task more pleasant; e.g., turn on the radio while washing up, use the visit as a chance to sit and put our feet up, sit in the sun to write the report?

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 17 Reframing Reframing is changing the meaning of an experience or an event by putting another frame around it. Reframing causes you to see things differently. It’s a new interpretation, with the result that you arrive at a different conclusion, evaluation or feeling. HANDOUT–”I SHOULD” TO “I CHOOSE”

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 18 HANDOUT–IMPLEMENTATION & ACTION PLAN

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 19 Conclusion Much personal power is lost by not ‘choosing’ to do what we have nevertheless “decided” to do. We do not put our whole selves behind the task. Because actions and thoughts are out of alignment, we lack energy. We may do the task badly and are less likely to engage our creativity. We may be irritated, snappy and likely to arouse resentment from others by our negative attitude. A “should” is a breeding ground for conflict. ”Should’s” let us see ourselves as a victims with outside forces acting on us against our will. We are taking charge of our lives when we alter a ‘should’ to a ‘choose’ DISCUSSION

Commercial in confidence © 2012 High Performance Coaching + Training 20 Contact Us