Remarriage A growing way of life Divorced people as a group are not against marriage In general, men tend to remarry more frequently and more quickly than women do, and this disparity increases with age

Remarriage A growing way of life Divorced women who are older, highly educated and financially independent are less likely to remarry. Cohabitation rates have increased for these women Approximately 50% of American marriages will be remarriages for one or both of the partners

Serial Monogamy What Americans experience is not monogamy, but serial monogamy—that is, several spouses or intimate partners over a lifetime, but only one at a time.

Returning to single life 1. Being ready to return to single life varies greatly 2. Can be very frightening especially for those married for some years 3. Those who have been left against their will are more likely to find single life intimidating than those who left voluntarily 4. Those who divorce because they have found someone else while still married my avoid single life altogether

Dating and Courtship after Divorce Age. The divorced dating person will be older, which offers the advantage of more experience and (it is hoped) wisdom. This may be offset by a restricted choice of partners, especially for women.

Dating and Courtship after Divorce Children. Although single persons may have a child, the chances are greater that a divorced person has a child or children.

Dating and Courtship after Divorce Marital experience. The divorced person has been through a marriage and has experienced establishing a household and the subsequent breakup of the relationship and household.

Cohabitation and remarriage Divorced persons who cohabit seem to increase their chances of success at remarriage Having failed once before, by living together you can see if it can be resolved if not you leave. You understand expectations at this point

Rebound Relationships The transition person is an individual who, out of friendship, love, and sympathy, helps another person through a difficult period such as divorce. They may temporarily take the place of the missing spouse. The article

Getting remarried most divorces of remarried couples occur within first 2 years Men tend to be more satisfied than women with their remarriages Remarriages are based on different criteria The romantic illusion is gone for those remarrying successfully

Remarriage Problems 1. Each mate may have problems of low self- esteem stemming from the divorce. 2. The divorced are less apt to tolerate a poor second marriage. They have been through divorce and know that they have survived.

Remarriage Problems 3. The past relationship is never really over. 4. A remarriage that involves children will experience many more complications. 5. The society around the remarrying person tends to expect another failure.

Problems Facing the Stepfamily 1. Because 90% of stepfamilies are stepfather families, integrating the stepfather into the child’s (children’s) life (lives) is crucial. 2. The creation of a satisfying second marriage and separating it from the first marriage. 3. The successful management of change. 4. Dealing with nonresident parents and former spouses.

Family Law and Stepfamilies Child Support Obligations: Only a minority of states have statutes that obligate stepparents to support stepchildren, and these usually apply only when the stepchildren are living with the stepparents.

Family Law and Stepfamilies Custody and Visitation of Stepchildren: Because stepchildren are not considered children of the marriage, stepparents usually do not have any custody or visitation rights upon divorce.

The Blended Family The blended family includes a husband and wife, at least one of whom has been married before, and one or more children from previous marriages.

Ten Commandments of Stepparenting 1. Provide neutral territory. 2. Don’t try to fit a preconceived role. 3. Set limits and enforce them. 4. Allow an outlet for the children’s feelings for natural parents. 5. Expect ambivalence.

Ten Commandments of Stepparenting 6. Avoid mealtime misery. 7. Don’t expect instant love. 8. Don’t take all the responsibility. 9. Be patient. 10. Maintain the primacy of the marital relationship.

Weekend Visits: Problems 1. The stepmother must conform to the visitation plan, which she probably had no part in creating. 2. The children aren’t around her enough for an emotional bond to form. 3. The stepmother really doesn’t have a well- described mothering role, freely chosen by her.

Weekend Visits: Suggestions 4. Each child in the family, including the part-time visiting child, needs alone time with the parents. 5. Encouraging the child to bring a friend for the weekend makes the visit feel more like home. 6. Use family meetings to get children involved in the workings of the household.

Potential Strengths of Stepfamilies Stepchildren learn problem solving, negotiation, and coping skills and also become more flexible and adaptable as they adjust to the new stepfamily.

Potential strengths of step families The presence of a greater number of mature adults adds support and exposes children to a wider variety of people and experiences. Additional role models are available to children.

Potential Strengths of Stepfamilies Stepparents may try harder to be good parents; thus, children gain an additional parent to learn from, to love, and to be loved in return.

Potential strengths of stepfamilies Finances are usually improved. Assuming that the remarriage is successful, both adults and children can learn what it is like to be in a happy, enduring relationship

1. Several spouses or intimate partners over a lifetime, but only one at a time is a) Stepparenting b) Remarriage c) Serial monogamy d) Rebound relationships

Answer: c Several spouses or intimate partners over a lifetime, but only one at a time is serial monogamy.

2. The blended family includes a) Several generations in one household b) Husband and wife, and children from a previous marriage as well as any from the current one c) Husband and wife from different races or ethnic groups d) Husband and wife from different religious backgrounds

Answer: b The blended family includes a husband and wife, children from a previous marriage and any from the current marriage.

3. Which of the following is a potential strength of stepfamilies? a) The stepmother must conform to the visitation plan, which she probably had no part in creating. b) Dealing with nonresident parents and former spouses. c) The stepmother really doesn’t have a well- described mothering role, freely chosen by her. d) Additional role models are available to children.

Answer: d The availability of additional role models to children, in the form of stepparents is cited in the book as a potential strength of stepfamilies.