MAVA – Critical Conversations May 14, 2015 Mary Stultz, MA, CPCC.

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Presentation transcript:

MAVA – Critical Conversations May 14, 2015 Mary Stultz, MA, CPCC

» Everything we do comes from fear or love. » Inner obstacles matter. » We choose to be who we are and we choose to do what we do. » True partnerships hinge on being authentic. ~ Dan Holden © Journey Of Yes

A discussion between two or more people where: 1)stakes are high 2)opinions vary 3)and emotions run strong © Journey Of Yes

Unhealthy goals 1)Be right 2)Look good/save face 3)Keep the peace 4)Win 5)Punish/blame 6)Avoid conflict Healthy goals 1)Learn 2)Find the truth 3)Produce results 4)Strengthen relationships

© Journey Of Yes Crucial Conversations, Patterson etal

Journey Of Yes

» In crucial conversations, our tendency is to do the opposite of what works – we turn to our style under stress. Check out this website: Go to Free Resources, Style Under Stress Test © Journey Of Yes

» Debate or surrender » Accusations » Getting offended or insulted » Name-calling » Looks of fear or pain » Hidden agendas » Yelling » Hurling insults © Journey Of Yes

» Apologize when appropriate » Explain what you intended » Ask for permission to talk about a challenging issue © Journey Of Yes

» You see, hear, or otherwise experience something » You tell yourself a story about the facts » You generate a feeling » You act © Journey Of Yes

Observable data and experiences I select Data based on what I observe I add Meaning (cultural and personal) I make Assumptions based on the meaning I add I draw Conclusions I adopt Beliefs about the world I take Actions based on my beliefs Reflexive Loop Inquiry Questions: “Run me through your reasoning” “What do you mean by... ?” “What led you to that conclusion?” “I don’t understand. Tell me more.” “What information do you base that on?” Ladder of Inference © Journey Of Yes

» Level I – focus on self » Level II – focus on the other person » Level III – global range of listening that picks up emotion, body language, and the environment Use your intuition – that place just below the surface where the hard data and soft data merge © Journey Of Yes

» Describe _____________________ » Express ______________________ » Specify ______________________ » Outcomes ____________________ © Journey Of Yes