The Doctor Says… Weight Loss Ideals.

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Presentation transcript:

The Doctor Says… Weight Loss Ideals

Weight Loss Ideals Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it. Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Weight Loss Ideals Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Weight Loss Ideals Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Weight Loss Ideals Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain - good!

Weight Loss Ideals Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NO LISTEN! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Weight Loss Ideals Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Weight Loss Ideals Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Weight Loss Ideals Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.

Weight Loss Ideals Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Weight Loss Ideals Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Weight Loss Ideals And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

The Final Word… For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

The Final Word… The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you. The Final Word… CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.