Love Defined Giving versus Using

Bridging the Gap There is a whole lot of using going on in our society today – and in high school relationships – Is that news to you? There is a whole lot of using going on in our society today – and in high school relationships – Is that news to you? We need to live a more genuine and loving life We need to live a more genuine and loving life Respecting others Respecting others Not doing things because they feel good Not doing things because they feel good How do we differentiate? How do we differentiate? Many ways to deceive, to use, and to live selfishly Many ways to deceive, to use, and to live selfishly

Obstacles Obstacles Media was bombarding us with sexual messages even before we knew what it was Media was bombarding us with sexual messages even before we knew what it was Inviting us to explore our sexuality even before we understood it Inviting us to explore our sexuality even before we understood it The truth – God made us to desire sex and that is a GOOD thing The truth – God made us to desire sex and that is a GOOD thing Not just hormones but a deeply rooted attraction to the beauty we see in others Not just hormones but a deeply rooted attraction to the beauty we see in others We can learn to make a sincere gift of self to another We can learn to make a sincere gift of self to another Intended for marriage – foreshadowing our union with God in heaven Intended for marriage – foreshadowing our union with God in heaven

Teens start dating but most people don’t marry until their 20s or 30s Teens start dating but most people don’t marry until their 20s or 30s That means a number of years in search for true love That means a number of years in search for true love Desires for union are very good Desires for union are very good We must respect them and learn to channel towatd genuine love We must respect them and learn to channel towatd genuine love Using Using Guy may be praised for being a user or player by peers Guy may be praised for being a user or player by peers Girl may hook up to try to find love, acceptance, or physical affection Girl may hook up to try to find love, acceptance, or physical affection Pressure of using goes both ways ## Pressure of using goes both ways ##

To the Core What is love? What is love? 1 st – it is not just a feeling 1 st – it is not just a feeling An act of the will that consists of preferring constantly the good of another to the good of self An act of the will that consists of preferring constantly the good of another to the good of self Cannot judge love by the intensity of the emotion Cannot judge love by the intensity of the emotion JPII book Love and Responsibility is a good place to start to understand – “chastity is the sure way to happiness” JPII book Love and Responsibility is a good place to start to understand – “chastity is the sure way to happiness”

Chastity and Happiness Chastity and Happiness Chastity is the virtue that directs our sexual desires and attitudes toward the truth of love Chastity is the virtue that directs our sexual desires and attitudes toward the truth of love Virtue is the habit of doing good Virtue is the habit of doing good It is not abstinence – not having sex It is not abstinence – not having sex Chastity is part of temperance – controlling and moderating our desire for pleasure Chastity is part of temperance – controlling and moderating our desire for pleasure It is learning how to love another rightly It is learning how to love another rightly Love responsibly and purely embracing the responsibility that is part of love rather than running from it Love responsibly and purely embracing the responsibility that is part of love rather than running from it

If we attempt to ignore our sexual desires it can lead to repression – unhealthy If we attempt to ignore our sexual desires it can lead to repression – unhealthy Sexual repression can lead to the opposite – allowing himself or herself to go out of control and into reckless sexual behavior Sexual repression can lead to the opposite – allowing himself or herself to go out of control and into reckless sexual behavior Neither repression or indulgence is the proper response to the sexual gift Neither repression or indulgence is the proper response to the sexual gift Love is not just about feeling good Love is not just about feeling good Love is an active decision – to give ourselves to another totally Love is an active decision – to give ourselves to another totally This is called total self-donation This is called total self-donation

Humans deserve only love Humans deserve only love Personalistic norm- humans deserve only the best- they deserve love and should never treat anyone with less than love Personalistic norm- humans deserve only the best- they deserve love and should never treat anyone with less than love Love is not 1-sided – it is about giving Love is not 1-sided – it is about giving Takes humility and gratitude to receive love Takes humility and gratitude to receive love Love Love Philos – recognizing the good in another person – friendship Philos – recognizing the good in another person – friendship Eros – wanting good for yourself – sensuality Eros – wanting good for yourself – sensuality Agape – desiring the good of another person- true love- God’s love for us as well Agape – desiring the good of another person- true love- God’s love for us as well

Willing the good of another Willing the good of another Want to do what is best for your beloved Want to do what is best for your beloved Research – earlier a woman becomes sexually active – the more likely out of wedding pregnancy, STDs, breakups, abortion, poverty, divorce, depression Research – earlier a woman becomes sexually active – the more likely out of wedding pregnancy, STDs, breakups, abortion, poverty, divorce, depression Doesn’t mean that those who have lost virginity at young age are doomed to a miserable life Doesn’t mean that those who have lost virginity at young age are doomed to a miserable life Couples should do what is best for each other no matter how strong the temptations may be Couples should do what is best for each other no matter how strong the temptations may be

Loving versus using Loving versus using “Love one another as I have loved you” “Love one another as I have loved you” Gave himself up for US to be saved Gave himself up for US to be saved Opposite of love is not hate – it is USING Opposite of love is not hate – it is USING Utilitarianism – using people for one’s own gain Utilitarianism – using people for one’s own gain Very often not intentional Very often not intentional But some do it deliberately – sin But some do it deliberately – sin Maximize their pleasure, minimize their pain Maximize their pleasure, minimize their pain Pleasing self at expenses of others Pleasing self at expenses of others Lifeless form of self love ## Lifeless form of self love ##

Chastity frees us to love Chastity frees us to love JPII – chastity can only be thought of in association with love JPII – chastity can only be thought of in association with love Sincere desire to do what is good for the other Sincere desire to do what is good for the other Frees the couple from using – opens the way to authentic love Frees the couple from using – opens the way to authentic love Frees us from egoism Frees us from egoism May have genuine feelings but refuse to sacrifice for the good of the other – both become users May have genuine feelings but refuse to sacrifice for the good of the other – both become users Must be willing to put others before ourselves Must be willing to put others before ourselves