12 Ways to Insure Failure in Mathematics Courses..or “I can’t balance a checkbook how am I going to solve differential equations?”

1. Never do homework! “I don’t understand the lectures how can I figure it out on my own?”

2. Never go to class or always be late and leave early. “I just can’t get up by 7AM (or 8 or 9 or 10 or 12 or 3:30)”

3. Never ask questions! Because you are shy, the instructor doesn’t speak English, or you are the only one who doesn’t get it.

4. Only do problems the night before an examination. “I always do better because that way I can remember it or if I go to sleep I might forget it”

5. Never talk to other students...or..only speak to those who don’t do their homework either.

6. Always forget algorithms and concepts after each exam “why clutter your mind with things you will never use again” or “math concepts don’t build on each other why make the effort?”

7. Avoid Creating or Participating in Study Groups “a study group? What are you? Like 12 years old?”

8. REMEMBER: Instructors in tutoring sessions are your enemy! “everyone knows that teachers get pay raises for lots of –F- Grades”

9. If you must do problems ONLY do those that are assigned. “I have a life! What do you want me to do spend every waking moment doing MATH???”

10. Only take math courses every third semester “this allows proper time for your brain to recover from being abused”

11. DELAY taking math courses as long as possible! “all I need to graduate is 24 hours of mathematics now I can REALLY buckle down!”

12. NEVER PRACTICE for exams by doing the chapter review in the book. “if the teacher thought it was a good idea they would have assigned it!”

13. NEVER, NEVER! Read the book! “if you damage your book it by actually opening it or highlighting anything the bookstore will rip you off!”