The 3 keys to reader-centered writing: MAP 1.Maintain focus and flow Craft topic sentences Use transitions 2.Avoid abstraction No empty pronouns! Use passive voice with caution 3.Prune your sentences!

Maintain Focus

Weak, Unfocused Paragraph The main operating cost is hydraulic oil replacement. GR-30 oil costs $18.60K per total plant charge, compared to XR- 1023, which is $7.80K. Oil life has a major impact on the overall economics. Preliminary economics were based on a 1-year nickel life,... (Paradis and Zimmerman, 1998) Medium- sized idea Details Major idea Detail

Focused Paragraph Hydraulic oil costs and life largely determine the economics of the hydro plant, because its main operating cost is oil replacement. GR-30 and XR-1023, the two oils we are considering, cost $18.60K and $7.80K, respectively, per total plant charge.... We are still projecting, then, that XR-1023 will cost less and last longer per plant charge. large idea details summary and transition

Develop paragraphs with levels of generality in mind. Topic sentence is the most general in subject matter. Every sentence in the paragraph is either more specific than previous one or at same level of generality (except sometimes for last sentence).

Maintaining Focus The proposal does not conform to our research goals as outlined in the five-year strategic plan. For instance, the potential for discovering new laser techniques is discussed only briefly and does not form a major part of the proposal.

Focus stays on the “proposal” The proposal does not conform to our research goals as outlined in the five-year strategic plan. For instance, the proposal fails to emphasize our potential for discovering new laser techniques; these techniques are discussed only briefly.

Maintaining Focus Tie new information to old Place repeated info. in subject position The proposal does not conform to our research goals as outlined in the five-year strategic plan. For instance, the proposal fails to emphasize our potential for discovering new laser techniques; these techniques are discussed only briefly.

Create a recognizable pattern In well-developed paragraphs, a pattern of organization usually emerges: –spatial –chronological –cause and effect –comparison/contrast Comparison/contrast pattern will be especially useful for presenting your project. –two methods for this pattern (see Reference Guide)

Comparison/Contrast Compare two subjects point by point. –Solution # 1 costs $1,000, and Solution 2 costs $1,200. Solution 2, on the other had, takes less time to construct: one day, as opposed to two days for Solution 1. Compare two subjects by giving all the details about one first. See Reference Guide, p. 22.

Maintain flow by using verbal links and transitions

What’s missing in this paragraph? The evaluation of diamond film based on the final criterion will be completed when the analysis of the qualities is received from the Institute for Advanced Technology (IAT). A request for the resource files on diamond film will be submitted to Norton Manufacturing. An additional comparison of the results received from IAT will be compared with information provided by Norton. The evaluation of diamond dust will be used for the comparison of the other nanocrystalline coatings.

Transitions: Exercise Can you see a pattern of organization in this paragraph? –most important idea to least important? –chronology? Can you create better connections between the sentences in this paragraph? Can you create a pattern of organization?

Transitions maintain flow. Transitions establish connections between parts of a sentence, whole sentences, and paragraphs. The right transitions guide the reader down the right path: comparisoncontrast sequencecause and effect additionexample

Transitions between Sentences The project manager will leave for the conference on Friday., the project engineers will remain in the office.

Transitions create organization: what patterns do the transitions here make clear? As an air mass passes over an urban area, its ozone concentration is first reduced and then increased as the city’s hydrocarbon emissions react to form more ozone. Initially, the concentration of ozone upwind of the city may be quite high on hot summer days. Then, as the air mass moves over an urban area, it reacts with locally emitted chemicals, reducing the ozone concentration. This reaction produces various toxic substances. Finally, the air mass moves out of the city, downwind, and the hydrocarbons released from various urban sources react with the oxides of nitrogen to form more ozone.

Avoid Abstraction Even for the most technical material and the most technical audiences

Turning verbs into nouns makes sentences longer and more abstract. The thermal decomposition of the TMAH occurs rapidly at these temperatures and results in the formation of trimethylamine and methyl alcohol. TMAH decomposes quickly at these temperatures and forms trimethylamine and methyl alcohol.

Empty pronouns make writing more abstract. In the future, the accountant responsible for the proofs should initial and date appropriate reports, sign out in the proof log, and revise checklist procedures accordingly. This will clearly indicate who has done the proof and when it was performed. procedure

More Empty Pronouns In the U.S., the chemical and petroleum industries consume eight million tons of hydrogen annually. This is produced from natural gas by a process called stream reforming that extracts hydrogen from hydrocarbons. This can occur by one of two methods.

Empty pronouns make writing ambiguous. Notice the ambiguity of “their” in this example: We reviewed controls protecting the computer from environmental hazards so that we could determine their effectiveness.

Empty Pronouns It was subsequently confirmed by NOEX USA that the wedge flowmeter had a bias of approximately -3 MMscf/d. This meant that the flowmeter was showing a flowrate of 3 MMscf/d when the well was shut in. Can you clarify the empty pronouns by rewriting the sentence?

Next Lab... Please bring your proposal draft in hard copy. Make sure it’s also available electronically. Fill out and bring the Audience Analysis Worksheet. The primary reader for your proposal is your client (an owner or upper manager).Audience Analysis Worksheet.