Chapter 19 Understanding Love

The Love Ladder Learning to Love is a lifetime process which begins at birth and goes through stages. *Each stage builds a foundations for future love relationships.

Stage I: Self Love A person’s first love is love of self. When needs are met, these positive feelings are the first sensations of love.

Stage II: Love of Caregiver As babies are loved and cared for, they gradually gain trust and love for their caregivers. If babies’ needs aren’t fully met, they may never be able to give and receive love.

Stage III: Love of Peers Children become attached to their playmates. Develop strong relationships with one or more “best” friends of the same gender. This is one form of love. Friends become very important and continue to be.

Stage IV: Hero Worship As children grow older, they develop a loving admiration for an older person – sibling, family friend, celebrity, coach, etc…. They imitate their dress, speech, mannerisms. They are trying out different qualities and traits which helps them decide what they want to be like. They develop identity.

Stage V: Love the Opposite Gender During pre-teens, children become interested in the opposite sex. At first the attraction is not specific, they are attracted to the general population of the opposite sex. Many are teased about being “boy or girl crazy”. Then they focus on one individual. These qualities are usually short-lived and based on observable qualities, such as appearance, athletic ability, and popularity. This stage focuses on the thrill of being “in love” rather than the realities of love.

Stage VI: Mature Love Mature love involves caring, sharing, respect, understanding, trust, and commitment. It develops over time and lasts. This stage is the one most people find difficult to recognize and attain. People mature at different rates, so not everyone is ready or prepared for mature love at the same age. Some people never develop enough emotionally to be capable of mature love.

Where are Most Tees? Most teens are at STAGE V. Young people typically go through steps that take them from group associations, to pairing, and eventually to commitment.

Associating in Groups During puberty, interest in the opposite sex builds and groups expand to include both males and females. Activities take place in groups? WHY?

Groups Provide Protection in Many Ways… 1) Socializing is less intimidating with friends close by 2) Sexual pressures are more manageable in a group 3) Peer pressure can be positive if group is reliable 4) Parents feel better when the teens associate in groups

Boys In One Group/Girls in Another 1. What is the perfect date? 2. What are some dating etiquette rules? (who pays, how many times do you call, etc.) 3. Write down qualities of a person you want to date 4. Good Ideas for first dates 5. What you wish the opposite sex knew about dating

Dating Dating means different things to different people. Dating customs differ between religions, cultures, and generations.

Why Date? 1. Teens gain poise and self-confidence as they practice social skills 2. Discover what they might like in a mate 3. Learn more about the opposite gender 4. Enjoy spending time with someone else

Dating does pose some risks 1. Rejection 2. Embarrassment by mistakes or confused by what people expect 3. Your date may not meet up to your expectations

END OF NOTES: DATING DAY 1

Starting To Date What age do YOU think teens should start dating? Fact: girls mature sooner so more girls are interested in dating earlier

Problems Violence of any kind has no place in ANY relationship Read Case Study: Page 386 and 387

Physical Abuse Shoving Slapping Punching OR Worse Abusive people see violence as an acceptable way of solving problems. They often feel sorry afterwards, but it is a cycle and they will do it again

Emotional Abuse Controls the other person Cancels plans, criticizes, “forgot to call”, yells, belittles. Makes the other person fell worthless and fearful

Date Rape Forced sexual intercourse on a date Occurs more frequently than most people know Often isn’t reported Cause embarrassment to family and self May think it is their fault Teens must be ASSERTIVE!!! Leave if you can, call for help and REPORT IT! May prevent rapist from doing it again. Must not be tolerated Read: Avoiding Date Rape, page 387

Looking for Positive Qualities 1. Compatibility: people who can exist together in harmony 2. Honesty: can be yourself and express your opinion without fear of rejection 3. Respect: listen to ideas and opinions, honor each other 4. Mutual support: help each other grow by giving encouragement 5. Independence: partners enjoy time together and separate

Commitment Deciding to date each other exclusively