Wednesday, February 20 Revising Paragraphs Writing Process Map

Diagnostic Questions for Revising Paragraphs 1. To what extent do the paragraph's sentences reflect unity, or "oneness" in topic, message, and purpose (goal)? 2. How effective is the topic sentence (if the paragraph needs one)? 3. How effective is the coherence, or the flow in meaning and logic from sentence to sentence? 4. How effective is the pattern of idea development? 5. To what extent is the structure of successive sentences coordinated when it should be coordinated? 6. To what extent does the structure of successive sentences vary when it should vary? 7. How effectively are successive paragraphs designed (that is, how do they look on the page)? 8. How successively are ideas in paragraphs developed with appropriate support, examples, reasoning, and so on? (This question overlaps with diagnosing content.)

Diagnosing Topic Sentences Steps for Detecting and Diagnosing Problematic Topic Sentences: 1. Ask, "Does the paragraph have a sentence that captures the central topic, main message, and rhetorical goal? If not, does the paragraph need one?" 2. Ask, "Does the topic sentence effectively capture the central topic, main message and, most important, rhetorical goal for the paragraph? 3. Ask, "Is the sentence positioned effectively in the paragraph (usually at the top of a paragraph, to avoid a bottom-up structure)?" 4. Ask, "Does the sentence make a specific promise, or instill a well- defined expectation, about the content to follow? And, does the content of the paragraph fulfill the topic sentence's promise?" 5. Ask, "Does the sentence effectively forecast the structure or pattern of ideas that follow?" 6. Ask, "Does the sentence effectively establish the logical relationship between the paragraph and surrounding paragraphs?"

Some paragraphs don’t really need topic sentences In the following paragraph, from the body of an informative review paper, the central topic, point, and goal are implied. (1) Whitney and Stein conducted a 16-week study to examine the effects of meditation on flow-mediated brachial artery vasodilation (FMBAV), which indicates vascular health. (2) The participants, 32 females and 30 males between 22 to 36 years of age, were randomly assigned to a meditation group and a control group that, instead of meditating, viewed informational videos about meditation. (3) The results showed a significant 18% increase in FMBAV (P <.001) among participants in the meditation group; no significant change in FMBAV occurred in the control group. (4) Similar outcomes to those observed by Whitney and Stein have been reported. (5) In contrast, Levinson and other researchers have reported that meditation had no effect on FMBAV.

Some paragraphs really do need topic sentences! The following paragraph is from the discussion section of a hypothetical research paper on the effects of a hypothetical treatment, positive imagery meditation (PIM), on cardiovascular health. The author’s goal for the paragraph was to answer the study’s central research question: Can PIM meaningfully improve cardiovascular health status to a degree that clinicians would recommend it to their patients? The results showed that subjects who performed positive imagery meditation (PIM) experienced small but statistically significant changes in cholesterol levels. From baseline to the end of the 3-month study, the mean HDL- cholesterol concentration increased from 34.2 to 36.7 mg/dl (P <.001). Over the same period, LDL-cholesterol decreased from 155 to 149 mg/dl (P <.001). Statistically significant changes in a favorable direction were also observed for blood pressure. In contrast, no changes were observed over the study period for levels of C-reactive protein. Topic sentence: Whereas subjects who performed PIM experienced statistically significant changes in measures of blood lipids, the changes were not large enough to recommend PIM as a clinically relevant treatment for cardiovascular disease.

Tell ‘em at the top! (Top-down paragraph structure) Whereas subjects who performed PIM experienced statistically significant changes in measures of blood lipids, the changes were not large enough to recommend PIM as a clinically relevant treatment for cardiovascular disease. The results showed that subjects who performed positive imagery meditation (PIM) experienced small but statistically significant changes in cholesterol levels. From baseline to the end of the 3-month study, the mean HDL- cholesterol concentration increased from 34.2 to 36.7 mg/dl (P <.001). Over the same period, LDL-cholesterol decreased from 155 to 149 mg/dl (P <.001). Statistically significant changes in a favorable direction were also observed for blood pressure. In contrast, no changes were observed over the study period for levels of C-reactive protein.

Paragraphs that Break the Promises of their Topic Sentences (1) The results of this study will provide new information that can be applied in clinical settings. (2) We propose to investigate the influence of meditative states on electroencephalography (EEG) activity in the prefrontal cortex. (3) Specifically, we will examine the EEG activity of alpha and theta waves while subjects perform 30-minute sessions of guided meditation. (4) We will also investigate patterns of neural synchrony in the prefrontal cortex during the meditation sessions. (5) Increases in the amplitude of slow alpha and theta waves have been associated with acute changes in parasympathetic neural output, which may influence cardiovascular and metabolic function.3,4,6,8 (6) Given society's widespread interest in mind-body health interventions, knowledge about the effects of meditation on brain activity is especially pertinent.

Vague Topic Sentences: Example 1 From: A research proposal to study how meditation influences the body's response to stress Rhetorical goal for the paragraph: Present features of my proposed study that make it novel and worthwhile. (Novel features of the study: long duration, focus on physiologically and psychologically stressful conditions.) Vague topic sentence: The proposed study will examine meditation and the response to stress. Specific topic sentence:

Vague Topic Sentences: Example 2 From: The introduction section to a hypothetical research paper on the effects of meditation on sleep quality. Rhetorical goal for the paragraph: Convince readers that researchers have not, to date, sufficiently determined whether meditation improves sleep quality in people with insomnia. The authors' main message is that a lack of control for subjects' use of sleep medications has contributed to the unresolved nature of the issue. Vague topic sentence: Several debatable studies have been conducted on the effects of meditation on insomnia. Specific topic sentence:

Vague Topic Sentences: Example 3 From: The discussion section to a hypothetical research paper on the effects of meditation on sleep quality. Rhetorical goal for the paragraph: Suggest future studies. The authors' main message is that the new research is necessary on older adults because they are prone to sleep disorders and negative side effects of sleep medications. Vague topic sentence: New studies are needed to elucidate and expand on the findings of the present study. Specific topic sentence:

How effective is the coherence (that is, the flow in meaning and logic from sentence to sentence)? Common Causes of Gaps and Breaks in Coherence: 1. Drastic shifts in the topic, message, or goal across consecutive sentences 2. Ineffectively ordered ideas 3. Missing inferences 4. Ideas that fail to meet readers’ expectations 5. Lack of parallel structure (when parallel structure is warranted) 6. Lack of necessary transitions and "meaning links" 7. The whole thing just doesn't flow!

Evaluate the coherence (1) The significant increase in lean body mass on the carbohydrate- restricted diet was not expected. (2) Infusions of beta-hydroxybutyrate (the major ketone in the circulation) have been shown to reduce protein breakdown during starvation. (3) Young et al. (1971) compared three isocaloric (1800 kcal per day), isoprotein (115 grams) diets differing in carbohydrate content (30, 60, and 104 grams) consumed for nine weeks in obese men. (4) The diet with the lowest amount of carbohydrate (30 grams per day) was associated with increased ketones, greater fat loss, and greater nitrogen retention and preservation of lean tissue compared to the diets with more carbohydrate. (5) The overall effect of elevated ketones on nitrogen retention must be considered in the context of other stimulatory (e.g., growth hormone, testosterone, insulin) and inhibitory (e.g., cortisol, catecholamines) hormones that regulate protein balance. (6) We hypothesize that elevated beta-hydroxybutyrate concentrations may have played a minor role in preventing catabolism of lean tissue on the carbohydrate-restricted diet but other anabolic hormones were likely involved (e.g., growth hormone).

Evaluate the coherence (1) It has been estimated that the average daily fat intake for men in the United Kingdom is 108 g. (2) However, experimental studies and data collected from free-living persons indicate that people can consume much more than 130 g of fat in a single meal and nearly 200 g in a full day. (3) It appears to be relatively easy to consume large amounts of fat. (4) Because people do not consciously plan to eat as much fat as possible, we have called this passive consumption. (5) The mechanisms that cause this passive overconsumption include the high energy density of fat, the very high palatability of high-fat foods, culturally approved high-fat food habits, aggressive marketing by segments of the food industry, and human preferences for foods with a fatty texture and the flavors associated with fat. (6) These facilitatory factors overwhelm the first line of inhibitory processes, namely, the preabsorptive fat-induced physiologic satiety signals. (7) The primary effect of high-fat foods on the short-term positive energy balance occurs during consumption while the food is in contact with the orosensory receptors. (8) This means that the processes controlling satiation are too weak or too slow to prevent the intake of a huge amount of energy.