Revision Workshop on Research Papers Sentence Variety, Transitions, and Paragraph Order

Questions for Peer Review Is the thesis statement clear? Does it make a strong, debatable claim that is neither a statement of fact nor a question? Is it supported by every paragraph in the rest of the essay? If not, how could the thesis be revised? Are the main points of all body paragraphs relevant to the thesis and supported by quotes from research and logical arguments? How might it be improved? (Even the best points, can be improved, so everyone should have suggestions here.) Does the paper use its research successfully? Are quotes well-chosen? Are quotes an appropriate length? Is each quote, paraphrase, or summary thoroughly introduced and explained? Do the sources add to the author’s credibility? How might use of sources be improved? Does the paper use logos, ethos, and pathos effectively? Is there a good balance of all three types of appeals? Point out good uses of the three different types and make suggestions for improvement. Does the paper show that the author has a broad knowledge of the subject? Does the author show an awareness of opposing viewpoints? If the author includes an opposing view, is it done respectfully? Does the author answer the opposing view with relevant and convincing arguments? If not, how can this be improved? Tell the author of this essay one thing he/she did well and one thing he/she needs to improve.

Checking for Topic Sentences Every single body paragraph of your research paper needs to have an effective topic sentence. A topic sentence is a sentence at the beginning of a paragraph that clearly states the point that the rest of the paragraph will be about. For a persuasive research paper, a topic sentence should do one of two things: clearly state the reason your thesis is correct that the paragraph will discuss clearly state how the ideas/stories/explanations in the paragraph relate to the thesis

Checking for Topic Sentences Example Thesis: Colleges and professors should have policies and programs in place that keep textbook costs down because high textbook prices can keep students from succeeding academically. Some Example Topic Sentences that relate to this thesis: Students who cannot afford to buy books for classes will be at a disadvantage for several reasons. (The rest of this paragraph should discuss all of the reasons that the student will be at a disadvantage. This sentence connects that paragraph to the thesis because it make a claim about how textbook costs affect academic success.)

Checking for Topic Sentences More Example Topic Sentences: One way many colleges address the problem of textbook costs is by opening textbook lending libraries that rely on student and community donations. (The rest of this paragraph should explain how a lending library works and talk about whether it’s an effective way to solve the problem. This topic sentence relates to the thesis because it is about a program that colleges have to help with textbook costs.) Professors can and should contribute to solving this problem by putting one copy of each textbook they use on reserve in the library and using older editions whenever possible. (The rest of this paragraph should explain why these strategies are useful ways to solve the problem. This sentence relates to the thesis because it is a policy that professors can follow to help students with textbooks.)

Checking for Topic Sentences More Example Topic Sentences: The stories of students like Joe Smith and Maria Gonzalez are good examples of why keeping textbook costs low is important. (The rest of this paragraph should tell the stories of these two students and connect their experiences to the claim – the colleges and professors need to think of ways to keep costs down.) Another way colleges can help lower costs is by making students aware of low-cost options such as textbook rental and digital copies. (The rest of this paragraph should explain how textbook rental and digital copies work, why these strategies are useful ways to solve the problem, and whether there are any drawbacks. This sentence relates to the thesis because it is a policy that colleges can follow to help students with textbooks.)

Checking for Topic Sentences Find the topic sentence of EACH PARAGRAPH. Underline it, and write “TS” out in the margin. Does each topic sentence clearly and succinctly state the main point of the paragraph? Does each topic sentence connect the paragraph back to the thesis? If the answer to either of these questions is “no,” you need to revise your topic sentence(s). If you realize that a paragraph covers too many topics to be covered by one topic sentence, you need to break up that one paragraph into several, each with its own topic sentence. If you finish early, go back and make sure that every sentence in each paragraph is related to the topic sentence for that paragraph.

Paragraph Order and Strategies for Organization Now that you know what the topic sentence for each paragraph is, you can analyze the order of your paragraphs. Here are some big ideas to keep in mind when thinking about organization: Put basic ideas before complex ones. Put historical context before ideas that require readers to know what happened. Put similar paragraphs together. Our example paragraphs about lending libraries and digital/rental copies should be near each other. Consider least/most most/least organization.

Most to Least/Least to Most Organization Begins with the least/most interesting or important point that supports your argument and arranges the rest of the details in points from least to most (or most to least) interesting/important. For example, the student might decide that in the section about solutions, since rules/programs that affect the whole college are more likely to affect many students, that section should go BEFORE the one about individual professors. HOWEVER, you could go the other way. Talk about the professors first and THEN move to the whole college. (Start small before going big.) Either organization pattern can work for you, but you have to know why you are putting the paragraphs in the order you decide on. If you want to hit your readers with your most effective or important points/ideas first, go with most to least. If you want to build up from less important/effective ideas to more important ones, use least to most.

Paragraph Order and Strategies for Organization Look at the first topic sentence you found in your essay. In the margin, make notes on the following question. Why did you choose to put this paragraph first? What is it that makes it a good choice for the first point that supports your thesis? (You might say, “It gives the reader context they’ll need later,” or “It’s the point that effects the most people,” or “It’s my least important point, and I’m building up to my most important one.”)

Paragraph Order and Strategies for Organization Look at every other topic sentence in your essay and do the same thing. Why did you choose to put this paragraph second (or third, fourth, etc)? What is it that makes it a good choice for this spot in your essay? (You might say, “It gives the reader examples of the idea in the paragraph before it,” or “It expands a point I brought up in the last paragraph, but it’s less important,” or “It introduces opposition to the ideas in the last paragraph and refutes them.”)

Paragraph Order and Strategies for Organization Are your paragraphs in the most effective order? Do you need to move any of your paragraphs to earlier/later positions in the essay? Do you need to break up any paragraphs because they contain too many different ideas? What order should you put these new paragraphs in?

Transitions Between Ideas Transitions are like road signs that tell your reader where your argument is going. When you are going to move from one part of your argument to another, you need to transition smoothly. Good transitions remind the reader of where they have been and/or hint at where the argument is going. Transitions may be located at the end of a paragraph leading into a new idea, or at the beginning of a new paragraph.

Transitions Between Ideas Remember this example? Example Topic Sentence: Another way colleges can help lower costs is by making students aware of low-cost options such as textbook rental and digital copies. This topic sentence contain a simple but effective transition. “Another way” reminds the reader that the paper has already discussed at least one strategy for lower costs, while at the same time getting the reader ready to hear about a new strategy.

Transitions Between Ideas Sometimes, you are transitioning between two completely different ideas. This is fine. You just need to acknowledge the fact that you are jumping to a new topic. Each of these examples looks back and then moves forward. “A very different approach to the problem of ___________ has been proposed by some researchers who suggest that….” “While _____________ may be the most important effect of ___________, the fact that ___________ and ________________ are also caused by this issue should not be ignored.”

Transitions Between Ideas While it is fine to have more than one quote in a paragraph, you need to transition between the ideas that each source presents in your own words. You should never have two (or more) quotes from sources right next to each other. Quotes should have a “cushion” between them where you cite, explain and respond to the first quote and smoothly transition to the ideas in the second quote.

Transitions Between Ideas Transitions commonly use words such as the ones on p. 555 under the heading “Conjunctive Adverbs” an on p. 556 under the heading “Some Subordinating Conjunctions.” Using some of these words to tell your readers how your new ideas are related to your old ones is a powerful way to improve the quality of your writing. Look at the transitions between each of your paragraph. How can you make changes to the end/beginning of the paragraphs to transition more smoothly between them? If you think you have great transitions between all paragraphs, look at transitions between ideas within paragraphs.

Read Your Essay OUT LOUD. Do it quietly, but read your essay OUT LOUD. Make your lips form the words. This will help you to find mistakes, and to hear places that don’t make sense. If you have trouble making the words flow when you are using your voice, your reader will probably have problems too. Mark places where you need to revise. If you find a mistake or an awkward or wordy section, mark that place for revision too.