PAF1O/PAF2O

Relationship Conflicts Relationships – even healthy ones – involve conflict. Conflict isn’t a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It’s how we deal with conflict that can indicate if a relationship is healthy or not.

The IDEAL Model The IDEAL Model is a problem-solving model that can work for any conflict, not just relationship conflicts. –I: Identify –D: Describe –E: Evaluate –A: Act –L: Learn

I: Identify the Problem The first thing to do is to identify what the problem is. –Sometimes it’s an internal conflict, and sometimes it’s with another person. –You might do this alone, or with other people who are involved, or with a friend/parent/etc. –Do you have different values/opinions? –What is each person feeling? –Does one person feel ignored or undervalued? –Do you have different priorities?

D: Describe Ways to Solve the Problem There’s never just one way to solve the problem. Often there are many. –You might want to talk over different options with the other people involved, or with a friend/parent/etc. –Try to put yourself in other people’s shoes too. How might they be feeling? What solution might they want?

E: Evaluate Each Solution Look at each solution that you just described. –What’s positive about it (for you and/or others)? –What’s negative about it (for you and/or others)?

A: Act on a Solution Choose one of the solutions – the one that you think is best for you and for the relationship. –Make a plan and then act on it! –Sometimes, people can become paralyzed by choices and options. They get stuck weighing the different solutions, and never act on any of them. This means people can stay in the conflict for long periods of time. –Once you’ve found a solution that seems good, move forward.

L: Learn From Your Actions Your plan might totally solve the problem, or it might not. –Think about how your plan turned out. –What went well? –What didn’t? –Think about what you might do differently next time.

Try the IDEAL Model Try the IDEAL Model out on your own or with a partner using the worksheet.

The Bottom Line Conflicts are a part of relationships, both sexual and not. –Always consider multiple options for action –Think about your own feelings, and other people’s –Recognize that no solution is perfect –Make responsible decisions and learn from them

Resources IDEAL Model –