Week of Sept. 16 Focus for this week: Wrap up Unit 1 and take test, finish draft and revise Personal Narrative, Revising techniques

* Opening – Write the corrected version of the sentence below. * Its to bad when it’s the weekend and their are so many things I want to do and only 48 hours too do them, so my dog did not get its bath unless you count walking in the rain. * (This is all one sentence – but there are punctuation and word choice issues)

* It’s too bad when it’s the weekend, and there their are so many things I want to do and only 48 hours to too do them, so my dog did not get its bath unless you count walking in the rain.

* Do Lesson 4 – pick up your computer when finished. * Open up the “About Me” Introduction you typed on Sept. 6 * Open up the body paragraphs and conclusion * Revise Introduction to make it flow and add thesis statement. * Consider order * Do not repeat info you covered in the body * Add thesis at end * Look at grammar check as you revise * Have draft ready for submission. * Check MLA format. * Learning Targets: * I will consider audience and purpose when combining my introduction, body, and conclusion.

* Thesis Statement should identify your career/college plan and specify what you have done to prove this is good option. * My love of the outdoors and my family have influenced me to pursue a career as a conservation officer. * From my experiences in CTC and my family members who currently work in construction, I have decided I want to study to be an engineer. * Introduction – Goal is to introduce YOU – let reader get to know you – and NOT repeat what is in body. * Reread introduction * Need to “tweak” it – make thesis last sentence * Transition – As I am finishing my senior year, I have started thinking about my future. OR Everyone keeps asking me what I am going to do after high school, and I am close to making a decision.” * Take out material that is repetitive to body * Review goals of introduction

* Body 1 – take first reason and discuss in detail – tell anecdotes, give specific experience, evidence to support your choice. End with statement that ties what you have said to your thesis. * Body 2 – repeat for 2 nd reason. * Conclusion – Your plan * How will you go from where you are now to your career, internship, program, etc. * Most will begin something like - As a senior who is about to graduate… or In June, I will be graduating from….

* Print out a copy to use tomorrow and Wednesday. * Save it somewhere “safe” that you can get to any day you need to this week. * Homework – Mastery Review p. 7, Part A. * Revised Time Line – * Discuss revision process – self and peer. * Submission of draft will be Wednesday. – Sept. 18 * Peer Revision will be Thursday – Sept. 19 * Final will be submitted on Sept. 23.

* “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” Walt Disney

* Correct Mastery Review, Do Part B and Correct * Discuss Improving your writing * Specific Word Choice * Sentence Variety * Using Mature Vocabulary * Using a Variety of Transitions * You will want your handout that has Ten Errors with Transitions on back, your openings with the vocabulary, the hand out on Sentence Variety, and your paper.

* Replace general words with specific ones * Things, stuff, went, go, etc., friends, family (unless you have already specified whom you mean) * Be clear – school, high school, Mona Shores High School. * Up the vocabulary level

* Changing up how you start sentences * Add clauses at beginning of some sentences * Because, Since, While, When, If, During * Look at how you start sentences and change it up. * How do you combine sentences – is it always, “,and”? * Try other conjunctions – for, so, but, nor, or, yet * Try conjunctive adverbs – however, nevertheless * Check the transitions sheet

* You are a senior – need to sound like one * Required to use at least 3 vocab words from openings * Look at the list – look at your sentences

* Proof for the “Ten Errors” * Look for a variety of transitions you can use.

* Improving Writing – Focus on words and sentences * Use “Ten Errors, “Transitions,” “Effective Writing,” and Openings with vocabulary. * Review purpose of these items. * Take out your paper. * Where can you “bump” up the level of your vocabulary? * Where can you change up your sentences – varying how you start sentences, varying the transitions you use? * Write these changes into your paper. * Tomorrow – time to “type” the changes in your paper – but make the plan to do so today.

* Mastery Review – the rest of it – up to page 13 is due tomorrow. * Pick up computer * Make changes, improvements to essay * Check MLA format * Special request – increase spacing from double * Submit to Turnitin to Personal Narrative Draft. If you cannot –get it ed to me please. * Decide who will review your paper and whose paper you will review. * This will be open to you until 6 pm tonight. You can actually start peer reviewing tonight if you wish. * Please log off and return COW at 12:50

* Please check board for schedule so you are ready when bell rings * Have homework completed. * Use time effectively. * No electronics unless I direct otherwise. * When using computers – be doing what you are supposed to do – any time you spend doing anything else is a waste of your time.

* Opening: Please correct the following. * The student, who turned in the 3-D project showing a remodel of the hallway, has been nominated to receive an award. * Grab your computer as soon as you are finished and take out your Mastery Review. * You may go ahead and log on and log in to Turnitin, but let me give directions before you go further.

* Correct Mastery Review * Review rubric for editing * Discuss who will read/share other’s paper * Peer review * Use the rubric and questions * Use your transition sheet and vocabulary and ten errors handout * Learning Targets * I can edit for sufficient use of detail and clarity in another’s paper. * I can correctly edit sentences for correctness in punctuation.

* Learning to review is a life skill * You are providing feedback – try to help this person * Keep rubric and peer review questions in mind. * You must write a min. answer in each of the spaces – more feedback may be given in the text. * Required that you do one and thoroughly – you may read two other people’s with their permission – for extra credit. * If 3 people have read yours – please send people elsewhere when they ask. * Take your time. * Peer feedback will be released at 11:30 pm today – I might up that time – once I see everyone is finished. * When you are finished, please print out a clean copy of your draft. You will need this tomorrow.

* Goal of Intro – give sense of the person – not repeat what is in body. * Body – Each should be a point mentioned in thesis * Is it specific? Would someone who did not know this person understand the examples? * Does last sentence tie back to thesis. * Conclusion – Goal is to explain how person will move towards the thesis statement plan.

* Questions on Mastery Review * Study for Monday. * Take out clean copy of your essay. * Review comments from peer editors. * Look over your submission sheet. * Make changes, improvements, revisions to your personal narrative. * Submit final to Turnitin.com by end of day on Monday. * If you have a problem, talk with me – me your paper. * Submission also include filling out your submission sheet. You can work on this as you revise your paper. * Print out items requested. * Highlight what is asked for – Turnitin will take it that way. * You may either turn in to me today or on Monday. * Review Unit 1 for Test on Monday. * Journal 4

* Prove you looked at and understood revision comments * Print out * Make changes * Explain what you changed * Prepare final * Make it something you would be proud to hand to a boss, recruiter, college as an example of your best work. * Read directions on submission sheet.

* Monday – Unit 1 Test * Be sure Paper is submitted both hard copy materials to me and final copy online * Journal 4 (finish), 5, 6. * Unit 2 Case and Agreement * Collage assignment