Infancy The first year of life (33 slides) creatively compiled by dr. michael farnworth

The Drama of the Gifted Child Alice Miller, 1981 “As soon as the child is regarded as a possession for which one has a particular goal, as soon as one exerts control over him or her, their vital growth will be violently interrupted.”

“Are you ready for parenthood test”...

The Parent Test HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY FOR PARENTHOOD 1. MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. 2. TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego’s. (If Lego’s are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night). 3. GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. 4. DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside. 5. FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

6. NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set your alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. 7. PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans. 8. PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Got to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for you paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. 9. FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple that already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Motherhood: baby’s name 1st baby: you pore over baby name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites... 2nd baby: someone has to name their kid after great-aunt mavis, it might as well be you... 3rd baby: you open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Sounds good to me...

New born characteristics Average weight: 7-71\2 pounds Average length: inches Lanugo: covering of thin hair Vernix caseosa: whitish,cheese- like substance on body Fontanels: soft spots on skull Wrinkled skin Light skin

Guinness book of records The largest baby to have been born weighed in at 23 lbs. And 12 oz. The baby boy measured 30 inches in length. The baby died 11 hours after birth. (The mother was 7ft. 5in.)

Touch Touch, it turns out, is as necessary to normal infant development as food and oxygen. Disrupt this process because the parent cannot or will not touch, caress or otherwise make skin to skin contact with the infant and psychobiological processes go askew. Richard Restak The Infant Minds

Motherhood: layette 1st baby: you prewash your newborns clothes, color coordinate them and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau. 2nd baby: you check to make sure the clothes are clean and discard only those with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: boys can wear pink, can’t they?

Fathers and jealousy... Most men will be the last to admit any jealousy of the new baby...But beware never-the-less. Men can accommodate the changes of the new baby easier if they assume some of the physical care and nurturance of the infant. Helps with wife’s after baby blues, also.

The art of family by Gina Bria “When I had the baby, I didn’t expect the competition my husband would feel for my attention. He was really scared because he had never seen me like that, so in love with another creature. I had to think hard about how to handle it, because I really did want to be with the baby more than with him.”

Two suggestions To the men: don’t stand on the outside looking in but rather get involved in the nurturing and care of your baby... To the women: understand that men are just little boys at heart and only want to be loved and feel important...

Our culture has made men invisible... When Cindi and I had our first baby my father-in-law did something that I considered was a class act and that touched me deeply. He bought me a pair of basketball shoes because he knew new fathers are usually ignored.

“Baby sitting fathers?” In this culture mothers are responsible for their babies and only get baby-sitters to cover in times of need. When my daughter Camie was 2-3 years of age I had her in my office playing, when a female student dropped by and asked me if I was baby sitting and I said no. She responded by asking if that my little girl to which I replied yes.

Postpartum depression (ppd) Ten percent of new mothers have more severe and intense symptoms: Loss of appetite Dislike and fear of infant Feelings of helplessness Little concern about appearance Depression, sleeping all the time

Post-partum depression (after baby blues) Crying spells Mood swings Anxiety Loneliness Decreased sex drive Lack of confidence 50-80% of new mothers have bouts with “after baby blues.”

Do you remember hearing the stories about Andrea Yates and Marie Osmond?

Research has shown... That men, who are involved early in a child’s life continue that involvement through out childhood. While men who are not involved early in life play out that paradigm in their child’s life.

Never shame your partner It is important not to shame your husband’s attempts to be nurturing to your children. Men hate to feel incompetent and anxious and will steer clear of children to avoid those feelings...

The Art of Family, by Gina Bria “He needs a nice, long terrifying stretch of not knowing what to do. It’s his equivalent of labor, and he’s got to discover that he, too, can deliver. He can’t do this unless mommy gives it up, wrestles down the terror that the baby will surely die in his care, and be willing to live with resulting strains.”

A forecast of a typical marriage... Men go to work to feed their egos and to get stroked If the home is a place of ill-content, he’ll find reasons to stay away. Women will often go to their children to get their ego needs meant and finding a distant husband only makes matters worse...

An interesting dilemma... Many of the “masculine qualities” that would make a good father are not valued by this culture as “masculine”: nurturance, gentleness, kindness, tenderness, softness, pleasantness are considered more feminine in nature.

The masculine qualities: Competitive, assertive, hard-nosed, strong, brave, silent type, hard, demanding, etc. Are all qualities that will make him successful in the work-a-day world but may be counter productive as a loving involved father and husband.

Reasons for women and depression: 1. Pressure for perfectionism 2. Receiving no rewards as mothers 3. Lack of nurturing and support from husbands 4. Loneliness Two role groups more at risk: early & late motherhood

Objectification of mothers When people are used by others as objects, it reeks havoc upon their self-value and esteem.

“MIDDLE AGED HOUSE WIVES”

Gina Bria’s The Art of Family “I thought being a mom meant I now must sacrifice myself entirely for her sake, give up all my aspirations, put aside any thought of cultivating my own gifts. But if I am investing my total self in her so that she can take off and fly and reach her full potential, what happens when she becomes a mom.

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