Peers, Pressure and Parental Expectations: Preparing Your Adolescent to Thrive Ken Ginsburg MD, MS Ed The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia

How do we define success?

Resilience The Ability To Overcome Adversity The Capacity to Bounce Back

Resilience is a Mindset

Resilience is NOT Invulnerability

The Bottom Line Young People will be more resilient if the important adults in their lives believe in them unconditionally and hold them to high expectations Young People live up or down to the expectations we set for them

The 7 C’s of Resilience Confidence Competence Connection Character Contribution Coping Control

Supporting the Fundamental Question of Adolescence

Since kids live up or down to our expectations, it means our attitude really matters

Problem Free is NOT Fully Prepared! Karen Pittman

And they can judge our attitude easily

How do we portray youth?

Youth at Risk ?????

Lazy? Slackers? Selfish?

Problems or Problem-Solvers

When to Ignore Other Parents When to Join with Other Parents

Your importance can not be overstated...

Connection 101:

Why does it feel like our connection is challenged during adolescence?

What Gets in the way of Connection?

Listening

Finding Competence Building Confidence

No more lectures!!!!!! Overprotection The importance of Puddles Learning Not to Undermine Competence

The Reality of Peer Pressure

Building Competence Social Skills

Control

How Much Control?

Effective Monitoring

Independence: One Step at a Time

Observe Consider Temperament and Developmental Needs Listen and Invite Youth to Develop a Plan Generate a Roadmap of Mastery Independence is Earned through Displaying Responsibility

Routine Interaction Parent repeats command Ongoing positive attention prevents entering the cycle Child agrees? Punishment that is worse than the crime Discipline Cycle Child agrees? no Cycle repeats 1 to 3 times no yes Nagging relationship Hostile relationship Diminished parental supervision Parent makes command Parent threatens Parent at crisis point Parent gives up Critical point Cycle repeats 3 to 7 times no Adapted from Barkley RA. Hyperactive Children: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment. New York, NY: Guilford Press; 1981.

Contract 1. I want a curfew of 10 pm on weeknights and 11:30 on weekends We need to know where you are, whom you’re with, and what you’ll be doing We need to know where you are going, who you will be with, when you will be home You need to finish all of your homework before you go out You need to get enough sleep You need to be able to wake up in time for school You need to keep up your grades You must always follow the check in rule We have to agree on a code word 2.I want to be able to drive the car when mom doesn’t need it You can’t drive any friends for 6 months You must Always wear a seat belt You will never use a cell phone or text while driving We need to sign a Students Against Destructive Decisions Contract for life Mom _X_____ Dad _X_____ Bill_X_____ Contract 1.I want a curfew of 10 pm on weeknights and 11:30 on weekends 2.I want to be able to drive the car when mom doesn’t need it

Stress and Coping

Resilience Is about learning to cope, in a positive way with life’s inevitable stressors We might do our greatest good by raising youth with a wide repertoire of positive coping strategies

You Feel Awful!!! Positive Coping Strategies Stress Discomfort Negative Coping Strategies Relief You Feel Awful!!! Discomfort You Feel Awful!!! Discomfort Relief

You Feel Awful!!! Positive Coping Strategies Stress Discomfort Negative Coping Strategies Relief You Feel Awful!!! Discomfort You Feel Awful!!! Discomfort Relief

Your Vital Role Stress Tolerance Stress Assessment Stress Management

When Your Tolerance Reaches Its Limits Falling Back In Love Catching Your Kid Being Good Holding to the Highest Expectation Honoring Your Spouse/Partner

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Child

FosteringResilience.com